His "girl friends"


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This topic contains 10 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Mariah 3 days, 15 hours ago.

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  • #666839 Reply

    Eleen

    Hello everyone,

    I have been dating a guy for 8months. All is good except for one aspect that really bothers me. He has a lot of girl friends, who conveniently he has also slept with in the past, that I know by name but not in person.

    He is going away this weekend to participate in a 20km trail run with one of these types of “friends” Caroline.

    Two months ago again there was something similar where a girl friend was over visiting for the weekend and that i did not get to see.

    I am not the jealous type and twice now well we’ve had an argument on this subject and he gets mad saying I am jealous. If I knew them physically then I could see them ore as just his friends.

    I know all his guy friends and their wives/ girlfriends but when something is up with a “girl friend” well I can’t participate or he doesn’t want to mix.

    An then I become like this insecure, “jealous”, person that I am not. It is actually irritating me to the point that sometimes it makes me feel like i should just walk away from us.

    I also have guy friends that he knows and the ones he doesn’t know is because he refused the outings or the invite.

    It’s taking a toll on my confidence.

    Hve any of you been in similar situations? Are my reactions normal in your opinion?

    Anyway your feedback would be appreciated.

    #666844 Reply

    anon

    I have a former FWB who I see and hang out with. I was introduced to his new girlfriend, met her and spent time with her. He had no problem introducing us. Also, when we hang out, it’s almost always weekday lunch.

    I don’t blame you- FWB that transition into true “friends only” for both parties with no residual feelings for either are rare. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to meet a woman that your BF slept with who is going out of town with him. Even if he is fully friend zone with her, she might not be.

    I think it’s a bad situation to put you in.

    #666845 Reply

    Hannah

    I wouldn’t like this either! Is he actually your boyfriend or are you just casually dating?

    #666855 Reply

    Khadija

    I know all his guy friends and their wives/ girlfriends but when something is up with a “girl friend” well I can’t participate or he doesn’t want to mix.

    This behavior would make me uncomfortable as well.

    What is his reason for not allowing you to meet these women? If you have spoken to him already about this and the shady behavior has continued, I’d take it as a direct sign of disrespect.

    Honestly, I would highly consider walking away. Is this a serious relationship or something casual? He is not acting like a man in a serious relationship at all.

    #666856 Reply

    Miss_A

    It would really bother me if I’m not allowed to meet them. This makes it feel like he’s hiding something. Especially if he gets defensive … I would strongly consider walking away. This is not the behavior of a man in love with you.

    #666878 Reply

    Eleen

    Ah thank you everyone for validating what I feel and think, this situation is shady. Exactly as one of you mention he always makes me feel like he is hiding something. We are exclusive, or at least I believed him when we had this talk 3 months in. He usually comes up with crappy excuses like it was a last minute decision to meet up or something like that and then it turns into an argument and then I get lines like you are the one I respect and love that’s why I introduced you to my family and friends bla bla. And the he makes me feel like I’m this jealous person. I am not if I felt secure. It’s too shady. I’m going to ask to go along for the weekend for support. If I get no as an answer with a crap excuse I’m out and done. He is making me feel crazy by times.

    #666890 Reply

    Lia

    hi Eleen. something I want to add to this is even if he’s not doing anything shady, it’s the fact that he’s letting this situation turn you into someone you don’t want to be that’s also a sign that the relationship probably isn’t for you. partners should be helping each other grow, not planting insecurities.

    #666891 Reply

    Phillygirl

    It’s this simple. Those with noting to hide, HIDE NOTHING.

    His actions are shady. If a guy expects me to trust him, he has to BE trustworthy. Your guy seems to fit the opposite definition of that.

    I am fine w/a BF having female friends. But I also have solid boundaries, and would not be okay with him going off with all these women one-on-one, that he’s slept with.

    I seriously doubt these are platonic friends, and it would not surprise me at all to find out he’s messing around.

    This is not the behavior of a faithful, committed guy. It’s the behavior of a player. The fact he does this, then turns it around and calls you jealous is more typical player games.

    I think, if your smart, you’d reconsider this guy. I think he’s bad news. It’s obvious when you have healthy self esteem and solid boundaries. He does not sound like a guy I’d see after a first date.

    #666899 Reply

    Anne

    He knows perfectly well he is not being a gentleman to you. he is doing it on purpose, he feels entitled to his flings. The woman who visited for a weekend, most certainly slept with him.

    Dont let anybody call you for a sucker. He has some nerve demanding you suck it up and accept this crap.

    I bet you will eventually find out he has been lying and cheating. have you found any examples of him not telling the truth?

    I could tell you a long story about a man like this I dated, turned out he was truly lying, cheating, and I was a dunce for not walking immediately. Dont let him get away with manipulating you into saying you are sorry because you react the way a decent woman would to his behaviour

    #666905 Reply

    Sgrl2494

    < He has a lot of girl friends, who conveniently he has also slept with in the past>

    Okay my ex was good friends with all of his exes, some of which were in his circle of best friends, and even some of his FWBs. This didn’t bother me at all because I trusted my gut and was more than comfortable knowing that he was loyal to only me – even today we are very good friends. If your having your suspicions and doubts – trust your gut – it never lies.

    <I know all his guy friends and their wives/ girlfriends but when something is up with a “girl friend” well I can’t participate or he doesn’t want to mix.>
    For me this would be a red flag, very suspicious behaviour.
    Moreover, this isnt jealously on your part but genuine concerns – dont doubt that. If my bf was going away on a trip with a girl who he has had sex with, and it was not someone whom I had met in person – firebells would be ringing and we’d need to have a serious talk

    #666907 Reply

    Mariah

    what does you gut instinct tell you – thats usually a pretty good indicator…good luck

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