He's stalking me on social media?


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This topic contains 28 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Linda 3 months ago.

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  • #598481 Reply

    Nia

    After a very messy breakup with someone one year ago, I started getting these friend requests from clearly fake profiles on Fb. It also included an image typical for his country. All profiles were set up in the last couple of hours and the last one was from this morning. I find it annoying and eventually asked “Who are you” for a first time for almost an year but the account diappeared shortly after.

    I have him blocked everywhere. I also told him to never contact me again.
    He hurt me very much and I feel very betrayed by him.

    I am not sure how I should view all this.

    #598484 Reply

    L

    How you should view this? A waste of emotion and time. Just don’t accept and move on.

    #598485 Reply

    Nia

    I don’t understand the motivation behind it… why should he do this?

    #598488 Reply

    Lem

    Why do you care? Sounds like something an unstable psycho would do.

    If he really wanted to be in touch, he wouldn’t be using fake names. Besides, you told him never to contact you. So now you are changing your mind?

    #598492 Reply

    Linda

    Nia, sounds like you might be thinking of giving this guy a second chance. If that’s the case then let him tell you straight out that he wants a second chance. A guy who wants something real with you doesn’t hide behind fake profiles. If he does contact you then you really need to think about how much he hurt and see if it’s worth giving it another chance.

    #598500 Reply

    Crisula

    Nia,

    How to view what??

    I would block each and every fake profile.
    Click…click…click…as simple as that…

    But I agree with Linda… sounds like you still want this guy around

    #598515 Reply

    Algo

    I have a stalkerish person. We were never together but he tried to date me by telling me he wanted to learn Dutch and then repeated tried to kiss me even though I didn’t want him to.

    We hung out for about a month, I was in a very bad place at the time.

    Told him I didn’t want him in my life because he treated me badly. He didn’t listen, kept talking to me. Eventually called me a whore and blocked me. Then came back trying to make amends. Told him that if he talked to me again I’d block him. He kept talking, I blocked everything : whatsapp, hangouts, fb…

    He makes new Google accounts and fb accounts to talk to me every few months. I Tell him to piss off or I’ll block him. I then block him.

    He keeps trying every 4/5 months. I’m assuming because he hasn’t found anyone else yet.

    #598537 Reply

    Nat

    Nia if you didn’t want him back you would not have been asking this type of question on this forum. It has been a year ago, you would have just said blocked him and did not give it another thought. This is what I did recently when one of my old exes sent me a friend request. The breakup was normal but afterwards he did and said nasty things about me, so I did not want to ever hear form him again. I still don’t. Even a memory of him make me feel bad about myself. Why did I ever get involved with this person kinda thing.

    What did your guy do? How long were you together? what country?

    #598538 Reply

    Nat

    Note men often try their “exes” when they are bored, broke up with their current GF, looking for an ego boost, easy sex, simply curious. Him poking you this way is NOT an indication he has feelings for you. Whatever feelings those are they are NOT going to lead to anything good. If this man treated you poorly in the past he will treat you poorly again, so be smart and shake him out of your mind and out of your life.

    #598577 Reply

    Nia

    Thanks guys for your valuable advice. It might not even be him. Yesterday I read a lot about fake scammers’ profiles on Facebook. Sometimes scammers put the victim on a contact list and try to contact them numerous times. It may be a coincidence that overlapped with the breakup. Even if it’s him, it’s not the proper way to seek contact and I agree it’s unhealthy to even pay attention to it!

    Thank you xoxoxox

    #603190 Reply

    Nia

    Yesterday I got another friend request from a new fake profile and reported the profile to Facebook. Facebook is totally useless when it comes to this sort of harassment. Is there a chance to make Facebook give me the IP addresss associated with these fake profiles? With something like an IP Address, I could go to he police and open a case on cyberbullying. I am amazed that Facebook just reviewed my report and suggested that I block the profile. It wouldn’t change anything, I am sure this form of contact will continue.

    #603191 Reply

    Crisula

    No…they have privacy rights

    all you can do is block

    go to scammer pages on fb “romance scammers” etc
    a lot of the time they may have the very profile that has tried to ‘friend’ you
    many fakes come out of Nigeria and Ghana

    #603206 Reply

    Nia

    I also thought they might be romance scammers but it doesn’t make sense because I am getting contacted by female Facebook profiles…

    #603211 Reply

    Newbie

    I get weird fb requests on a regular bases. I just decline. Problem solved. Dont entertain going back to a guy who treated you badly. Ever. Please?

    #603236 Reply

    Sam

    I don’t understand the dilemma. Just decline or ignore the friend requests.
    People take social media too seriously, just because someone requests to be a friend or messages you doesn’t mean you are obligated to respond.

    #603241 Reply

    Linda

    Nia, I don’t think those friend requests meet the elements of cyber bullying. Just block them, it’s like scammers calling your home or cell phone you can report them online like Crisula suggested but right now from what you have shared you don’t have a cyber bullying crime.

    #603242 Reply

    Phillygirl

    You are thinking with th a victim mentality, sorry.

    Friend requests aren’t cyber bullying.

    If you want to put a stop to this silliness simply change your privacy settings so that strangers can’t see your profile or send friend requests.

    Problem solved.

    I did that for years due to a crazy ex. No one can give you someone else’s IP address, it’s illegal. Even the police require a subpoena to get that info. People are protected by privacy rights, as someone else said.

    Unless someone is threatening or actually doing something beyond viewing your FB (etc) or trying to “friend” you, there is nothing criminal going on, and you can fix most of that by basically going dark on social media.

    #603254 Reply

    Shoshannah

    I don’t think this is as simple as others suggest – that if OP didn’t have feelings for her ex, she wouldn’t even ask this question here.

    I have had some experience with stalkerish exes (such wierd friends requests and messages included) – it makes you spinning, confused, unsafe, it makes it more difficult to move on and to be honest, it can be dangerous. Sometimes delicate stalkerish behaviors like this precede real stalking escalation.

    I don’t know if such requests count as bullying by law, but they definitely feel like bullying.

    OP, each and every source on stalking will tell you that the best strategy is to ignore. If he doesn’t get any response from you, he will get bored. But you can also make screenshots (in case if you ever need to file a legal complaint – they may count as evidence).

    My ex was doing this for 6 months after the break-up and then it stopped. A year later, he spotted me in a shopping centre and then it started again for a while, but then stopped.

    It’s been another 6 months now and I think he’s done, all quiet.

    Can you imagine, though, I just had to contact him for work related reasons… I really had to (was asked to by my supervisor, and rightly so). Feels horrible. He is clearly a psycho. I don’t want to have anything to do with him. And I just send an email yesterday…

    OP, don’t rationalize nor minimize this behavior. Doing so is the most common mistake of stalking victims. Hopefully, it will just stop soon. But be warned. I think it is very likely that this is him and if so, he is emotionally unstable.

    #603256 Reply

    Ginger

    Sho
    I don’t see anywhere in here that the OP has any proof this is an ex. And if she feels fhreatened she should be talking to the police and not a dating forum.

    Some women simply love drama. And I think that’s the case here. She wants to make up stories in her head that this guy is ‘stalking’
    And she wants to confirm it’s him.

    It could have nothing to do with an ex.
    But again. If she feels unsafe, this is not the place the get help.

    Is Facebook the only way this ‘person’ is ‘bullying?’

    #603259 Reply

    Linda

    Shoshannah, the OP is assuming at this point it’s him. The strongest evidence is a picture common of his country. In the eyes of the law that is not a crime. I have been stalked as well and yes it is a horrible feeling that shakes your sense of security, independence, and well being. I couldn’t leave my house or arrive home without looking over my shoulder and checking every room in my home. I had to be on the phone with a friend when I was leaving or coming home. I knew full well who my stalker was and even after I told him I would report him to the police because I had the evidence he still contacted me twice, six months and a year later. I agree she should definitely take precautions, we all should but I think at this point she just thinks it’s him.

    #603266 Reply

    Shoshannah

    Ginger, Linda you may be right, of course. But it is very important to take precautions.

    OP doesn’t have any proof that this is him, but I’ve done a lot of research on stalking and I found out – that REQUESTS FROM FAKE FACEBOOK ACCOUNTS ARE VERY COMMON! Plenty of stalkers do it. That’s why I believe that if timing is right and there are other hints that it may be him, chances are this is him.

    I agree though that this is not the forum to look for advice on stalking. There are many forums on stalking only.

    Linda, so sorry about your experience. I’ve also had a very bad experience when stalking escalated to actual physical violence.

    #603272 Reply

    Linda

    Shoshhanah, I’m sorry for what you went through as well and may be our stories will help the OP seek the right type of help and try to gather more evidence in case this really is her X and she really is scared of him.

    #603275 Reply

    Ginger

    Here is the thing, is Facebook that important, if you feel stalked then shut it down. If that is the only way this man is ‘stalking’ then remove it.

    I have been stalked too.. and it isn’t done via only one method. So that’s why I question the stalking issue.

    #603284 Reply

    Phillygirl

    Shoshannah, I don’t think you HAD to contact your ex.

    I would have simply apologized and told my boss things were very dicey between us. Then I would have said if they want you o contact him you could not in ANY way be involved for your own safety!

    Legally they can’t make you do this!

    Once again, this is a boundary issue

    #603285 Reply

    Linda

    I was going to suggest the same thing. I am anti social media. I would of shut down Facebook in a heartbeat. OP if this is an option for you do it. If the stalking continues in other ways you will have a better clue of who might be doing it.?

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