Help! What should I say to my date/hookup?


Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice Help! What should I say to my date/hookup?

This topic contains 16 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Hannah 6 days, 3 hours ago.

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  • #641678 Reply

    Funny

    Need help in wording things.
    I met a guy a few weeks ago and sleped with him on 2nd date. He’s cool and I’m interested in getting to know him, and he treats me fine. He asked to see me again sooner but haven’t met him since 2nd date due to our work schedules and him going away for the weekend, but we said we’d meet when he gets back. He still on holiday but just texted me to arrange something as soon as he gets back in a few days.
    He says he just wants to see me and to catch up over drinks (in his home).
    He doesn’t sound too bad but I’m wanting to clarify his intentions as in if he just wants regular hookup or genuinely wanting to date. I’m wanting to date to see if we have grounds for something serious down the road and I don’t want to waste time.
    I’d like to be upfront and ask what he’s looking for before accepting his request to see me.
    Recently I have trouble with overreacting and sounding harsh in texts so what’s a good way to do that in texts?
    No pressure but straightforward way?

    #641684 Reply

    Raven

    3rd “date” in his home = sex…
    You know that, right?

    #641687 Reply

    Funny

    Yeah so? Are you gonna help me with text or?

    #641688 Reply

    redcurleysue

    What you say is when you see him again you tell him straight that casual dating and sex is not your thing. You date with a purpose and that is to find a meaningful relationship. Ask him if he is on the same page.

    Then stay or go depending on what he says.

    By the way, if this fails, next time say this on a first date and let the guy tell you where he is coming from.

    #641690 Reply

    Raven

    So you’re looking forward to sex?

    #641691 Reply

    Funny

    Yes I’d do the talk in person, but I don’t feel like going all the way to his home 30mins train ride to begin with, so I think I prefer to get that out of the way beforehand. So do it over text and I’m fine cutting him off if his answer was not satisfying

    #641692 Reply

    Funny

    Raven, have you read my post? I love sex and he was great at it but I’m wanting to date and want to know his intentions match mine.

    #641694 Reply

    Raven

    So why can’t he come to you?

    #641696 Reply

    Funny

    Lol right? That’s also what I thought.

    I don’t know. I guess I’ll just text him and say what I’m looking for and ask if he is on the same page in a friendly manner.

    #641697 Reply

    Raven

    That he won’t come to you is very telling…

    #641708 Reply

    Emma

    Funny, may I suggest you be a little more subtle? Do not push him into the corner just yet with your questions about his intentions and life plans. LOL. Take it slow, let him figure out his feelings for you. You had sex with him too soon, he has not had a chance to develop any feelings for you, but he is still interested, so don’t let it become FWB or something casual, pull away gently, become unavailable, but be friendly and cheerful, do not discuss heavy things, if he asks you to come over make something up and say you had a dream you were on a date with him. LOL. Show him what you want, by nuding him where you want him to go, do not give him instructions or put him on the spot. If he insists, then say you’d rather not, not in the mood, whatever. He’d feel a little sting form being rejected without being offended, this is good, because he’d want to get what he wants, so he’d starts chasing you LOL.

    Direct conversations over text are murder to relationships especially that early on. People need time to develop feelings, to want to see someone, etc. You can’t “agree” on things by sending each other a few texts. But what you can do by doing it is turn him off.

    #641711 Reply

    L

    Just tell him, ‘please pay attention to my words now and not my actions.’

    #641719 Reply

    funny

    Emma, maybe that’s a good idea. Sounds like a lot of efforts though. But I do need to learn how to date effectively so thabks.

    #641748 Reply

    Hannah

    It’s fine to have sex early but, if you don’t want to become a hook-up and want to date, you have to encourage him to date you.

    Don’t been too full on and ask what he wants by text. It always comes across wrong. Just text him and suggest you go out somewhere instead. It’s as simple as “I’d love to see you. Why don’t we do xxx”. See what he says.

    I always think if you suggest a date, you should pay your half because you suggested it, but it’s better than accepting a home date early on. Men can be creatures of habit. If he knows he can get sex and company without bothering to date you, he may well do that, but he won’t take you as seriously as if he’d had to make the effort to date you. Asking for a date sets up your standards that you don’t want to just be a hook-up.

    You don’t need to be confrontational of have a big talk. You get set your boundaries in a fun, friendly way.

    #641751 Reply

    funny

    Ladies thanks for chiming in.

    I said to him simply how about we go out, and then he suggested meeting in a lively neighborhood that’s closer to mine. He also kinda made excuses for suggesting a home date.
    Lately I tend to get defensive fast and backfire so I’ll be more careful with texting.

    #641770 Reply

    pi

    I don’t accept home dates till I am exclusive with someone.

    #641806 Reply

    Hannah

    Well done funny! Tact and diplomacy work well in these situations.

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