Help!! Overreacted over. Now he won't talk to me :((


Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice Help!! Overreacted over. Now he won't talk to me :((

Viewing 25 posts - 1 through 25 (of 31 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #441442 Reply
    Rita

    I’ve been seeing this guy for the past month – funny, attractive, sweet, ambitious, pretty much awesome. Even though he works a lot, we still talk alllll day, as in waking up to each others good mornings to good night at 2 am. So he makes time. Forth of July weekend he went to the Hamptons and was supposed to come back Sunday morning where we supposed to spend the day together. Here’s the issue. We chatted in the morning and he said he was going to the beach and would let me know when he was on his way back, I didn’t hear from him til 9 pm. He left his phone in his friends car which he couldnt get cause they took a different car to the beach. Fine, I believe him. When he let me know he was on his way home, he went me a long text with SO SORRY in big letters and this apologetic message. And of course, being a girl, I overreacted and was kind of sassy, though I didnt mean it to be sassy, just was frustrated. The other issue is that our plans, were not definite, no time, no set place, just lets hang out. Was I disappointed we didn’t hang out and annoyed he forgot his phone, yes. But I also feel I should not have reacted as I did as we didnt really have a date. I sent an apology text for my sassy overreaction but this is going on day 3 of not talking, assumingly because of my dumb reaction. I’ve considered giving it a few more days then a hand written letter, going to the bar where he works when its slow, or having a friend do undercover research. I know he really liked me so how do i fix this mistake?? UGHHH!! One stupid mistake.

    #441452 Reply
    Miss_Aspiring

    You overreacted. You apologized. It’s on him now to make the next move. Not you. Don’t go stalking him, sending letters, creeping on his workplace, sending out spies, etc. This is SUCH a girl way of thinking, and I say that lovingly, as I have had all of these thoughts and ideas before, too. It’s a dangerous way of thinking.

    If he’s not talking to you, there’s most likely another reason — not just because of your sassy reaction. Something else is going on in his head. Let him sort through it on his own. Don’t initiate contact at this point. Give him space. Let him come to you. And don’t wait around by the phone!! Keep busy and spend time doing things you love! (won’t hurt to look for other guys, too — sounds like you’re not in a committed relationship — keep your options open)

    #441469 Reply
    JR

    Miss_Aspiring is right on. I would not show up at his job or anywhere that he hangs out and for the love of us all DO NOT WRITE HIM A LETTER. That speaks desperation. The ball in in his court right now. When a man or woman doesn’t respond to you right away it means they are busy. It’s okay for him to not talk to you for some time, you both need space to think about things. Who knows what it could mean. If you’ve only known him for a month you are just getting to know each other. You did overreact so if he never reaches out to you again just take it as a lesson and move on. You should have no hard feelings for him at all!

    #441473 Reply
    JR

    So many women make this mistake and men get tired of it, just like we get tired of their universal mistakes and it really just has to happen once to be fed up. If he really likes you, he will find what you did annoying and just let it go after a few days or a week…however long it takes. In time, he will reach out and when/if he does, I suggest you not bring it up. Pretend that incident never happened and just remember how it felt so you don’t assume and overreact again.

    #441475 Reply
    Rita

    Why does 3 days feel like forever?? In the world of relationships/communication, I guess it is. But in overall time, it really isn’t.

    #441480 Reply
    JR

    Just think, before cell phones there was no texting only phone calls and in person communication. In our generation, texting has made communication quick but no the best form of it. That’s why a persons actions is worth so much more than a text within so many umpteenth days. It should not be the base of the relationship period.

    Us women like to hear and be intimate with someone, 3 days of not hearing from them is not a long time, it’s how your mind operates. If you were married and he was off on business, that’s a reason to talk to him or text here and there to make sure he’s safe. If you’re dating and you live in the same town and it’s been 3 days and you know he likes you a text should not even matter. Even if it bothers you, try to learn how to stop relying on the texting so much. It will really help.

    #441482 Reply
    Rita

    IDK where you live but Im sure you’re familiar with geography…hes in manhatten, I’m in Hoboken across the river. 15-20 mins from each other. You all have really valid points, I’m sure I’m overanalying, he probably needs time to think, and its also probably good to both get space to figure out feelings…for both of us.

    #441492 Reply
    JR

    15-20 min is not far at all! I thought you were going to say 2 hrs. lol If he is interested in you, he will reach out. Don’t get too invested to quickly. Slow down and stop before you even think.

    #441503 Reply
    Lady T

    Hi Rita,

    What did your “sassy” text to him say?

    #441504 Reply
    Rita

    “Ok. Im just disappointed since i thought we had plans. Its good youre not passed out in a corner. Thank you for the apology”

    *Note: I’m never abrupt or harsh like that with him. And he did apologize and explain himself. Hence why I feel terrible.

    #441507 Reply
    Lady T

    That’s not that bad, imo. That’s the only text you sent him before and after his apology?

    We can all only speculate why he’s not reaching out. Maybe he’s busy, maybe he actually didn’t appreciate your text. I agree with the others that you shouldn’t do anything and let him come to you now. I also wouldn’t bring it up if he does reach out. The first month of dating should be breezy. Neither of you owe each other anything and any expectations should be kept very low. This early on, the focus should be getting know each other and having fun. xo

    #441509 Reply
    Rita

    No, that was the text after he apologized, but before I apologized.
    Things were awesome and breezy and we had a great time getting to know each other. We asked each other lots of questions, silly things and personal. Then my stupid response and bam…shut down.

    #441511 Reply
    Lady T

    If he comes around, go back to fun and breezy. You have every right to be disappointed when plans, tentative or not, fall through BUT there’s no reasonable need to share that with him after only a month of seeing each other. Again, at this stage you owe each other nothing and it could turn the guy off. I hope it works out though. Keep us updated! xo

    #441527 Reply
    SthrnBelle

    In my opinion what you said is not bad at all and you should have never apologized for it, why apologize for feeling disappointed? If you had said something rude or hurtful that is a different story and in relationships even that happens. The key is whether this is a relationship.

    I have said things that are considered worse than this, hey a girl can be in a bad mood too. I have also had misunderstandings as men and women think differently. Thing is that if I ever raised a point of being disappointed, a man that did care about me actually responded instantly after reading it by emailing/texting and then calling or saying something nice.

    I guess this all depends on their level of maturity but no man should be offended after what you said. If he is then he never considered it a relationship. You had every reason to be disappointed, he never treated you as a priority. Perhaps this was not the best way to respond and no we should not keep bringing up disappointments nonstop but it can be ok if used very very carefully. If he did not want to see you that is one thing, ok it can happen for a valid reason, he did apologize, we do not know what his agenda was as I said before in your other thread. But after you saying this him not talking to you is not normal if you matter to this man.

    The only mistake you made IMHO is that you apologized for speaking about your disappointment, this comes across as desperate. That said even that is ok.

    Move on I would say, he may contact you again but I somehow feel that perhaps he met someone else or he just is not as committed as you are. That is never a good thing.

    #441698 Reply
    Sin

    I’d say it’s totally okay, the text that you sent. You were disappointed and you told him that, that’s okay. You were only being honest. However IMO you should not have apologized to be yourself, in this case ‘being disappointed’. I am sure there is something that is bothering him (Not related to you). It could be related to his work, friends, family, anything. Now just take a step back and be busy with your life. Don’t i repeat DO NOT make the mistake of going to his workplace. This will backfire. If he re-connects, be easy and chill and don’t bring this episode again. Good luck xx

    #441731 Reply
    Lady T

    I understand and agree that everyone is entitled to their feelings but for every action there is a reaction. It sounds to me like OP didn’t get the reaction she expected. That being said, sure, “a girl can be in a bad mood too…” but that’s no reason to assume that anyone wants to put up with or feel responsible for a girl’s bad mood. How fun is that supposed to be? And it’s not a matter of the man’s maturity level, imo. It’s a matter of how much someone is willing to put up with when there really hasn’t been much time invested. That’s just how I see it. xo

    #441732 Reply
    Lady T

    Talking for a month isn’t a lot of time and isn’t a relationship, imo.

    #441736 Reply
    Worthless

    I know exactly how you feel! I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. It has been rocky at times. This past week, I saw something on Facebook that alluded to him seeing another woman. I confronted him about it (which I should not have done it the way I did via text and in the heat of the moment). Now, he has ignored completely for the last few days. He won’t respond to any of my attempts. I have apologized for the way I reacted, but dead silence. It hurts to be denied existence from someone who said loves you. Is that how you treat loved ones?

    Since he won’t respond to me, I thought about leaving a letter on his windshield at work. However, I realize that makes me look even more needy and psycho, so I won’t be doing that.

    It is frustrating and hurtful to go through this. I have contemplated ending my life because I feel so worthless. I must be a horrible person to drive someone to the point of avoiding me like this. No one has ever done this to me and it is cruel.

    If the man you are worried about finally contacts you, let us (me) know how long it took. Thank you and my thoughts are with you.

    #441753 Reply
    Vanessa

    Worthless,

    Why say this about yourself and make that your screen name?? You’re purposely making yourself feel worse and thinking the worst. Unlike the OP, you have more time invested with this guy. He continues to ignore and pull back because you’re pushing forward and contacting him. Give him time and space to cool down. Do nothing else but have faith and think positively that he will come back. If you continue to contact him, that will turn him off. If he stops hearing from you, he’ll panic and think you’re moving on and then he’ll reach out. If he doesn’t, then either this was the last straw where you always fly off the handle or he really did have something going on with this girl. Do not continue to apologize. Keep yourself busy and think happy, positive thoughts. You’re human and you shouldn’t continue to beat yourself up for this. Don’t think you were the single cause of a break up. If he can’t come back and work this out with you because he cares, then his loss. Not your fault. Live, learn, move on.

    #441791 Reply
    BriLyse

    Yeahhh, he went cold for a different reason. I’m sorry. Something doesn’t fit here. If i were him i would’ve laughed at your sarcastic remark about him being laid out on the corner. Im saying though if you believed him when he said he left his phone in the car then why the sassy remark? I dont get it. The only time i’m sarcastic or pissed is when i dont believe a word flying out of a guys mouth. Lying to my face is a BIG NO NO. I take it very personal. It’s an insult.Nontheless thats the only way i would’ve said something like what you said. So he probably felt it was uncalled for, if he had a valid excuse for his actions. Anyway, my opinion still stands, i’ve gotten sassy with guys plenty of times, cussed them out if they really want you it wont scare them away.LOL. Men become true hunter when they truly set their sights on getting a particular girl. If he dipped and doesn’t come back, i can bet it’s for a different reason, or he didn’t like you that much to begin with. My money is that it was something else though.

    #441793 Reply
    Patricia

    Seriously, if that is all it took for him to retreat and hit the bricks, better to know now. People make mistakes, mature people work through the issue…they don’t go underground. You apologized….good on you. Now let him step up or step out.

    #441795 Reply
    Hannah

    Worthless (that’s a horrible name to call yourself) has he not responded to your first text confronting him or is this since you confronted him?

    #441865 Reply
    Worthless

    Hannah,

    He initially responded to my text telling me he was going to email me. Not sure what it would contain. That was last Wednesday morning. No email Wednesday, but he said one would be forthcoming, but he was too busy. Nothing Thursday, Friday or Saturday. By Sunday I was upset from not hearing from him at all and told him I was disappointed. No response. The last time I heard from him was last Wed. I have been periodically texting him to try and get a response, but he is dead silent. I am in awe at this behavior from him. He goes quiet sometimes but nothing like this. I will not be contacting him anymore. I assume things are over but why couldn’t he just tell me. It is not like him to be this cold. I am devastated.

    #441892 Reply
    pamela

    Worthless, please change this user name,you may be feeling worthless, but you are so much more worthy than you are thinking right now. Do not allow this man or any other to beat up on yourself, if anyone is not worthy it’s him, he is not worthy of you.

    Any guy who can punish the woman he claims to love, the woman he has been with for two years with the silent treatment,only to punish her, is the one that is worthless in my opinion.

    When a man uses the silent treatment to prove a point he is nothing but an abusive insecure person who does not know how to process his feelings in a normal mature way. I suspect this is not the first time he has gone silent on you. The silent treatment, will only get more frequent, and lasts for longer periods.

    You should really think long and hard about being with this guy if he should contact you, and trust me he will, that is how they roll. Rinse and repeat

    #441910 Reply
    redcurleysue

    Worthless,

    This man and his actions do not define your value. So many many women here have gone through heartbreak and wishing to have a specific man’s attention but it does not always work out…that is life…not so pleasant things happen sometimes…but that does truly not define value. We all walk around with blinders on…blinded by our own perceptions and childhood experiences…and what we seek and what we leave behind.

    It is simply a matter of a match…match is really the distortions we all share match up somehow. You can take any person to 1,000 people of the opposite sex and there may not be a match…matching is rare. We feed ourselves inner stories of how if we just had more value, if we were just good enough, if we just (fill in the blank) then everything would work out.

    But that is a bunch of baloney. Either the person is a match or they are not. It is that simple and has absolutely nothing to do with value. There were many kings and queens that married out of convenience…they had the best educations, monetary goods, etc. and could not love the person they married…so what makes value? Is it money? Good looks? Personality? What? Interesting that a man or woman could have all these things and more and yet not match. Should we say they did not have value? See how this gets distorted?

    Every human has great value…whether they match with someone or not.

Viewing 25 posts - 1 through 25 (of 31 total)
Reply To: Help!! Overreacted over. Now he won't talk to me :((
Your information:





<blockquote> <code> <pre> <em> <strong> <ul> <ol start=""> <li>

recent topics