Help me find Clarity, I am in an affair with a married man!


Home Forums Decoding His Signals / How Does He Feel About Me? Help me find Clarity, I am in an affair with a married man!

  • This topic has 11 replies and was last updated 6 years ago by Raven.
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  • #408436 Reply
    Hopeless and Heartbroken

    My co-worker got married within the first year I started working for my company. I was the only member of staff who was not invited, we had no ill feelings towards each other prior to his marriage and none after his wedding. In my second year of employment for the company and less than a year after his wedding he started chatting with me a little more about discrepancies he noticed with my bf and I. My bf never paid me any attention and if he did it was to save face and this was becoming obvious to people around me without me having to say or act sad. I am not using my bf’s ill treatment as an excuse for what I’ve done.We also talked about how much women he has had and he always used to say that after he got married he hung up his cape and he gave it up. We grew fond of each other and he eventually started flirting and dropping lines. I always ignored him and even told him I’d never. He responded by saying he is persistent and he will get me.Was not inviting me to his wedding intentional? we never discussed it. Stupid me I know, he kissed me one day in his car while we were out to lunch and from then on he’s had me. It hurts my heart that I am head over heels hopelessly in love with this married man. We have sex atleast once a week. For christmas I asked him what he wanted, it was expensive but I got it not cause he asked cause I wanted to, he got me nothing. For my b day he got me nothing, again, I got him a present. He asked to borrow money which i turned down thinking he would leave but he didnt. He wasnt at work for a while recently and because I knew his financial situation I loaned him a little. Am I helping this man take care of his wife? It is known by all who are close to him that he is a womanizer. He tells me that he usually doesnt keep them around for as long as he has kept me, he loves his wife and he loves me but he will never leave his wife and that this affair was unplanned he just started noticing things about me he liked. I am physically not his type we both no this. We have had several disagreements but he keeps coming back for sex. In my gut I feel like he is getting sex elsewehere outside his marriage as well I feel certain of it but he says he has calmed down and only admits to the affair in which him and I are involved. He says I am like a drug to him and he is addicted. The sex is great, the best I’ve ever had but why does he keep coming back to me? Everytime I pull away he notices and makes himself present with the most flowery words and I get roped in again. Stupid me I know. I feel my mind saying he is a liar but my heart jumps right in again. He is there for me emotionally if I need him not 100% of course when the time is right for him to be he is. Ive always been a loner but he came around and snatched me up. I dont understand what is really going on. Is he just using me or does he actually really care and is trying to have the best of the two women he supposedly loves. Is he capable of love? My heart is broken and I feel as I just cant move forward from him. I have been searching for another job to get away. Last year he wasnt at work for a month or two and we still saw each other. Help me! He says that he loves me and sometimes acts like it but I dont know his lies from his truth I want to feel as if he is genuine and we do bicker and act like a couple would.We would have disagreements and always come back to each other. Recently for the first time he took me out to the gym with him which was close to his home during daylight, thats a risk. It seems like a lot of trouble to go through for sex from someone who isnt your type especially when he has candidates lining up to be with him on the side and he can get them easy.One night when I was sad he brought me chocolates and took me for a drive just to make me feel better no sex involved. He puts logical effort into it and he pays for the room most times, I spend more than I should and we often discuss matters which are important and sensitive but I often feel as if he has no heart, he isnt the type to be emotional and verbally express his love or feelings all the time and he doesnt like hugging but he gives in a little sometimes. He has never said I love you to my face or via phone call, Ive never heard him say the words but in his defense Ive never said them to him either. Its so confusing I can’t figure it out. I know that there will come a point when I will want more and he wont give it cause he loves his wife way more than he does me. I already feel like I want him more and more I can see myself having a child for this man. Help me! Why does he keep coming back? He wont leave his wife for me so why is he playing with me or why cant he stay away. He gets slightly upset at the thought of me and other guys he tries to hide it but it shows through a little. Is this man genuine or is he the best liar in the game?

    #408441 Reply
    Rose

    I will not judge you but for your sanity you should’ve never started a relationship with a married man. They always say “I’ve never felt like this before” they always say they care about you but think for a minute, if he really cared about you he wouldn’t be doing this to you. He’s a user and you’re letting him get away with it. Obviously he pays for the room and pretends to care about you to have sex but has never said he loves you and he never will, he will never leave his wife and most importantly you are wasting your time with this man. And think about his wife, how would you feel if you were married and your husband cheated on you? … You are helping him to cheat on his wife, you should stop not only for her but for yourself. You will stop hurting and move on.

    #408446 Reply
    Gemini615

    Sorry but this is ridiculous and not confusing at all. I don’t know what about this situation is appealing to you. He doesn’t love you, you are his secret side chick, probably one of many. You’ve spent too much money on this man, he only wants you for sex and HE WILL NEVER LEAVE HIS WIFE FOR YOU.

    You need to leave this situation asap. This is too much drama and it’s going nowhere. Even on the negative .001% chance that he left his wife for you, he would cheat on you too.

    Have some self respect and leave this married man alone.

    #408450 Reply
    redcurleysue

    Hi Hopeless,

    I don’t know what this cheating liar has that keeps bringing you back? He is not honest, has no integrity, borrows money, probably has other women too and does not keep his own wedding vows.

    And you want this man’s baby?

    You wrote here because deep in your broken heart you know this is no good for you. You want something better and deserve better than this. He is a player, he is playing you for all you are worth and then will dump you when he is done. That is the truth. Right now he is getting sex from you but don’t you understand that sex means nothing to a man?

    Sex is not caring, sex is not love to a man. To a woman it is different and you are asking why he keeps coming back and are hoping he is feeling something for you…I am so sorry but he is not feeling anything for you or his wife.

    See him as he is – pathetic and useless to any woman. Get away from that mess of a man if you have to get another job.

    #408464 Reply
    fairycake

    omg … so much could be said but I will answer your main and constant bleating question. The question that even you know the answer to but can’t stand to admit. You are cutely trying to act all innocent – I am not his type, he could have anyone else – flattering yourself to the stars there aren’t we? See how easy it is to get the loner girl totally smitten – tell her what she wants to hear.You could be special and better than the others if you respected yourself enough to ignore a married two timing user. Your question …

    WHY does he keep after me? BECAUSE YOU’RE WEAK !

    You give in to him, he gets what he wants, he milks you for cash, he doesn’t have to do anything for you and once in a while he treats you sweetly to have the thrill fo you falling for him all over again and feeling he is doing a favour to the poor lonely girl that will be grateful – tell him to stick it up his ass! Get another job and get a makeover. Learn social skills, self respect, confidence. Get a therapist, a life coach a whatever just get away from him !!! Wasting your best years and your youth, throwing away your chance of meeting a good man, a marriage and children!

    Is this a troll because I find the whole situation ludicrous :(((

    #408468 Reply
    Kate

    Yes she is a troll. She’s been on this before with equally ridiculous scenarios. Just ignore this.

    #408474 Reply
    fairycake

    thanks Kate :)

    #408477 Reply
    lucy

    Be strong…. Walk away and never go back. Don’t answer his call, don’t give him the time of day, no matter how much he begs (or threatens). I honestly didn’t read all of your post, just skimmed it, only because the outcome is the same the world over, in every language, at every age.

    This “relationship” you’re having with this man, is going nowhere. He is using you, and he knows it. Deep down you know it too. He wants his cake and to eat it. He’s a dick. I know because I was married to one. I was married just over a year, (and pregnant at the time) and my ex was cheating on me with a workmate who got sucked in by all his lies. I don’t excuse her behaviour mind you. She knew what she was doing was wrong. Even apologised to me afterwards….(to make herself feel better I think).

    We all make mistakes (hate to be blunt but yours was getting involved with a married man), you have the chance to put an end to it now and learn from it and move on. He won’t leave his wife. And if by some miracle he does, your relationship with him won’t last. If he cheats with you, he’ll cheat on you. Standard line all counsellors will tell you.

    Grow some balls luv, say enough is enough, put it down to experience and walk away. Forever. Otherwise, you’ll always be the “other woman”.

    #408553 Reply
    Misty

    Whenever you have an affair with a man that belongs to another woman, you’re gonna feel angst and confusion and bad simply because YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING IS WRONG.

    There is no justifying bad behavior. Knowingly having an affair with a married man is not smart and in fact a really stupid idea and you are reaping the rewards of your behavior now.

    Want to stop feeling miserable? Get out of this stupidity and turn your life over to the Creator/God/Universe.

    #693412 Reply
    Ana

    I did not sleep with the MM I dated for a while. Doesn’t make what happened between him and me any less wrong. I felt I was with the love of my life at the time and now after a lot of self exploration and help, I can tell you that what you are experiencing for this man is not love. It’s a fantasy addiction. On the one hand he is committed to someone else so you are “safe” from having a committed real relationship with him. On the other hand he feeds you crumbs of affection which you are not used to receiving, you were probably ignored, abandoned or unloved as a child. Those “crumbs” feed your ego and your fantasy world where you feel validated and loved.

    I will not call you stupid like everyone on here. I understand perfectly how that feels and how sooner or later reality knocks on your door and tells you that this fantasy world is not real. Work on yourself and go to psychotherapy, people like you and me have deep wounds and hurt that need fixing. When you heal those wounds you’ll notice how genuine calm and serenity is. You’ll be able to genuinely love and care for those who genuinely love and care for you. You will be a stronger person. A lot of people judge but they don’t know how it is to be you.

    Hope this helps and I’m sorry you are going through this situation.

    #693482 Reply
    Colleen

    THREE YEAR OLD POST – check the date before you waste time responding to something that old!

    #693485 Reply
    Raven

    He’s married…
    You knew he was married…
    Boo Hoo for You 😐

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