He won't add me to his social media

3 years is a long time and a good enough time for anyone to trust the other party in the relationship. I want to share my own experience with you on this and I ope you listen carefully and I am saying this under the pretext that your man has never given you the slightest doubt to not trust him in the 3 years that you’ve been together.

I unfriended my late husband in FB. Why, because he started asking for clarification for some comments I made to friends, former high school classmates, cousins, etc… He was not a jealous type and he was far from insecure, he was just really curious and asking questions. With that said, I was still annoyed that I had to explain what I meant by my random comments to random friends and family that caused us to bicker because he didn’t know why I get annoyed when he’s only asking questions. I can totally relate to your BF especially if he already had a bad experience regarding this in the past. My former colleague shares his FB and other social media account with this wife and yes they fight and bicker when she sees something she doesn’t like there and mind you my colleague is a great guy and not a cheater but she is insecure. First of all, your BF, myself, and my colleague cannot control our FB friends when the randomly make comments like, “oh I miss you (with blowing kiss emoticon)” – I know that was just a sweet gesture and does not mean I’m having an affair but not knowing the context and relationship dynamic of two people, assumptions and misinterpretations will happen.
And please, I hope you’re also not using your BF not adding you to his social media as an indicator of his love for you. Grow up! You should actually stay away from looking at your BF’s social media accounts because they are for social networking purposes. If you want to be added so you can spy, that’s not a good thing and perhaps you need to reevaluate your relationship which to me lack trust from your end.

Ahh, Facebook…ruining relationships since 2004.

I hate to say it, but this comes down to “either you trust him or you don’t”. I understand not wanting to add someone to your social media for fear of the relationship turning sour, but then again, you can always remove someone if you break up.

I am not really active on Facebook; I pop on once every few months. However, isn’t there a way to limit what specific people see? If there is, what good is it to be added to his FB?

It may very well come down to one of you compromising or the relationship ending.

Both his accounts are private but on his facebook I can see he has family and friends. I do think he has a valid point and I need to base my trust on his real life behavior. However, I value openness and transparency very highly in an intimate relationship and this just makes me question what he is keeping from me. I also think it’s better to open up the lines of communication about things instead of hiding or lying just because the other person might get upset (that I think is more childish) I think I need to maybe just let this go as tough as it is and see what happens. I’ll be damned if I let something as trivial as social media ruin a relationship that is progressing and deepening on other levels. @sunisrising I appreciate your feedback and I agree with you but it’s just so hard to trust when you feel something is hidden from you on purpose. Smh. It’s more of a matter of principle than anything else. It honestly just makes me uncomfortable. He did say I would eventually have access but that it would be when he is ready…

A person who has nothing to hide hides nothing.

End of transmission.

We take photos together but he doesn’t post them. He doesn’t even post often. He’s had Instagram since it started and only has 30 posts. I’m not overly dramatic and I’m not the jealous type. He does his own thing sometimes and I’m fine with that. He says that it has caused detrimental drama to his previous relationship over things that were nothing and he has seen it in other people’s relationships as well and that since then he swore off social media ever being a factor in his relationship. Ironically, it is still a factor! Now I do think that this might be an ego thing for him and that he probably does follow a lot of females from before we met but he also probably thinks it’s harmless because he isn’t actually cheating just liking pics or the occassional flirtatious comments…which he doesn’t want to be nagged or interrogated about. I’m not at all being naive but at what point do I draw the line without being controlling, insecure, and jealous? I don’t know if breaking up over this is the answer…

My accounts are private and he has told me the things that would bother him. He just chooses to trust that I won’t do any of those things. My accounts used to be public though so he has a good idea that my intentions are pure when it comes to that. I made them private when this became an issue. Just to keep things fair lol I’m not an avid user anyway and he knows that.

Hi. You know what im not sure how I would feel about this. He should just add you to make you happy but guys can be stubborn more than anything else and its like a battle of wits. Either way he should have nothing to hide and hide nothing. But is it a deal breaker that is the question ? Does your relationship suck and this is just one of a few problems that you can focus on ? I been where you were myself and then realised the relationship sucked overall and this issue wasn’t the real problem. A time of evaluation and soul searching is maybe whats required here. x

Wow, these comments are…interesting.
Me personally, think that social media should not come into the relationship. When people hooked up in 1980, what would they have asked to see back then? The contents of their floppy disk? People, please let’s get back to basics and deal with behaviour with each other. If not being on your partners Facebook makes you unhappy, anxious or insecure, it makes me question why you don’t feel secure with them? As already mentioned by another poster on here, if you can hide certain activity, what’s the point?!

Agree with Alia. It is sad that we live in a world now where people get all bent out of shape because your bf won’t add you to facebook or won’t make you “facebook official”. Who cares?! Worry about your quality of time together and how he treats you; as long as things are good in that department then stop obsessing over the little stuff. You will run your relationship into the ground.

Thank you for all your comments. Honestly, I can see all sides of this issue. I hate that it’s even bothering me so much. I’m even considering closing my accounts so I don’t have to even think about it anymore. He doesn’t flirt in front of me. However, in December I had a friend of mine he doesn’t know request him on Instagram and he accepted. The worst thing I saw was light flirtation with a girl that he met in Vegas whom he met through a mutual friend 6 years ago. He goes to Vegas once a year with his best friends and sometimes this girl is there with her friends. I was very upset by this because although it was innocent flirting for kicks n giggles there were pics of him and her on her page hanging out at the pool sitting right next to eachother and so I asked him to delete her as a sign that he was being truthful about the nature of the relationship. He said they were just friends and he has never crossed that line with her and doesn’t dm her. So since my snooping incident my trust for him hasn’t been the same and he also resents me for it. I feel hypersensitive to the issue of social media. I also saw that he follows some models which I’m not worried about…and that there are some girls that try to flirt with him but he doesn’t take the bait at least not on his page where it’s visible. I understand that because he’s attractive these kinds of things will happen and at the end of the day I just have to trust him. There’s no other way. It is hurtful though. I just pray that I’m making the right decision in ignoring something that could be a red flag.

Honestly …. leave him…let it go. My best friend had the same problem. What is there that he doesn’t want you to see? Turns out her bf had other 2 gf’s one of 9 months and the other for 2 years yes she knew his family and they were together for 4 years…the family knew the one girl only as an old friend from college who accasionaly dropped by….bottom line… what is there to hide? You will never trust him 100% I personally feel that if your gonna plan to marry someone who doesnt trust you enough to do a simple thing as to add you on Facebook. ..what the hell are you wasting your time for. He will keep more things from you more important things because…. in his eyes you don’t belong on his Facebook so where do you belong in his life? I’m sorry if what I say may hurt your feelings but I’d rather give you the truth . I’m a marriage counselor and sadly sooo many people cause distrust that lingers long in a relationship because they won’t be honest about simple things. Goodluck I think you deserve so much better.

Old post but probably still an issue of lots of people facing nowadays.

Agree with RCS and Sam CT, what is he hiding?

And he accepted the request from your friend who he doesn’t even know? Don’t you find this extremely disrespectful? He’s basically saying your friend > you.