He texted me realizing what he lost


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  • #445901 Reply
    Teresa

    Soooo. Geez. My ex broke up with me last month because his ex-girlfriend returned. I was heartbroken and told him he was an asshole and never to talk to me again. I was working on myself and being single. Out of nowhere he texts me saying “Hey I’m sorry but I needed to text you. I don’t expect you too ever talk to me again but I just needed to let you know I fucking screwed up and I’m sincerely sorry I left an amazing girl for some stupid skank come to find out. I know I’m a piece of shit and I really hurt you a lot and I don’t expect you to forgive me but just know I’ve been miserable since I stopped talking to you. But I fucked up so it’s all on me. Karmas a mother fucker. Have a good day.” and “I’m sorry. I know I got frustrated with you a lot. I should of been more caring and not so selfish I’m an idiot I lossed the first good girl I’ve ever been with. I never had to worry about you cheating or talking to other dudes or anything. I totally took you for granted. But I always cared a lot about you. I’ll be honest since We stopped talking I haven’t been able To stop thinking about you. I’m so sorry for breaking your heart. I know how it feels to have your heart broken and I can’t apologize enough. I’m so fucking stressed out and confused…” so you know I honestly thought about a 2nd chance and I let him know that this is going to be work if he wants me in his life, he understands but he has not texted back in like 2 days. He has a habit of taking forever to respond or not. Is he serious? What’s your thoughts?

    #445902 Reply
    Maria

    You were too easy, in my view..If you are seriously ready to let him back into your life, you need to make him work for it. Court you and fight for you. He sent you two texts and you went all soft. A guy won’t appreciate it, he dumped you for his ex in an instant, then sent you two texts, and you were ready to take him back.

    He did respond to the message of you telling him you are ready to forgive him, I’d take his seriously, very seriously and not contact or respond to him at all. He will find ways of contacting you, trust me. I had a guy sending me four messages in the course of several months, after he stood me up. He stood me up and I stopped contact. He sent an email apologizing that he could not make it, etc etc, but I did not respond. The situation was such that it was clearly a planned thing on his part, and to me it means “OVER”. completely and instantly, not a red flag, but a done deal. But since I did not reply, the way most guys are, as we know, their interest gets higher because of this nonsense, so he obviously expected me to get hurt and reply to him with something, but I didn’t, so he kept sending me those messages, each message was progressively more and more apologetic.

    This guy simply stood me up…in your case..I would make him crawl on his belly through poison ivy…naked..before I reply…lol

    #445904 Reply
    Gemini615

    I would take this day by day, give him space to come to you and start proving he means what he says, and don’t get your hopes up. Most reconciliations do not work out because the same issues still exist that caused the break up in the first place. Or the guy makes all these promises and apologies and then a few weeks or months in he starts reverting back to his old behavior and not treating the girl right.

    Don’t believe anything he says until his actions MATCH his words. He should be into hardcore wooing mode at this point, pulling out all the stops to show you that he’s serious about making things right with you. Anything short of that is not worth your time.

    #445906 Reply
    Gemini615

    Also, don’t be afraid to ask him what is different this time. This is a conversation that needs to be had IN PERSON, not text, and initiated by him. Let HIM do all the work. You need to come prepared to question him on what has changed and how he’s going to prove that he’s serious this time AND make sure you let him know what the rules are in terms of what you will and won’t tolerate.

    #445911 Reply
    Teresa

    I told him not to fuck this up and make me regret it this, you know talking to him. That I would like to hear it in person if we are going to work it out maybe. He also said losing me, made him realize what he lost. But yeah I think his actions will let me know. I’m a big softy, I wish I didn’t care but I still do. I worry that he changed his mind or he’s messing with me. I hate not knowing but hey if I cut him out before, I can do it again.

    #445914 Reply
    Gemini615

    You don’t sound like you are strong enough to be dealing with this. You shouldn’t have let him know you are ok with taking him back BEFORE he detailed exactly what that means. You have accepted him back too soon without knowing his intentions and now you’ve put yourself in a situation where you’re already questioning if he’s serious.

    #445922 Reply
    Teresa

    Shit, your right.
    So I’ll stay silent for now. Whatever happens, happens.
    Right?

    #445923 Reply
    Gemini615

    Yes, stay silent. LET HIM DO ALL THE WORK. I cannot stress that enough. And if he comes back trying to talk DO NOT settle for any half assed attempts at reconciling. He really needs to work hard to earn even an ounce of your time and attention. If you take him back so easily without him putting in effort, then he will value you less and will be more likely to repeat the same behavior of leaving you again for someone else.

    #445946 Reply
    Jenny

    Nope, you’re a security blanket and he’s a selfish jerk *right now. He’s just hurt from his relationship w his ex and he’s finding value in you now that he never saw. If you do decide to give him another chance, stay away for a little while. Date other guys, see if anyone interests you more than him. If in 3-6 months you still find you have feelings for him, THEN contact him and initiate “another chance”. This way he’ll realize that you LEGIT won’t put up with the behavior again. There will be no him having to “prove to you” or “work hard” at the relationship because it’ll be more of a ‘IF you do me like that again, I’ll walk away in t minus 5 seconds bc I’ve already proven to you I CAN and WILL live without you if need be’. Other’s will replicate *minimum* the same amount of respect for you that you show for yourself. Unless he’s an exceptional human being and has a massive amount of integrity *which doesn’t seem to be the case*, he’s going to treat you how you allow yourself to be treated

    #445949 Reply
    Jenny

    I’ve been on the other end before… I hurt a guy I really liked, who wasn’t deserving and did nothing but treat me well. Got screwed over in the exact same way by my next guy, even used the “karma’s a b*tch” line in my apology e-mail once the realization of my own bad behavior was brought to light in a sudden epiphany. He actually NEVER responded but came back around 6 months later and you best believe I’m now VERY aware of his dignity and self-respect and now KNOW what he will and won’t put up with because his actions sent that message crystal clear

    #445995 Reply
    Teresa

    Sooo. After 2 days of no response from him. He says “sorry I’ve been so busy lately”
    grrr. I want to be silent but then also say that’s bullshit, then your too busy for me. Bye.

    #446197 Reply
    CC

    Sounds like his ex refused his offer. Now he wants you back…typical. Don’t take him back right away. Wait a while,or as long as you want. I wonder what made him decide to want her back out of “nowhere”? Take some time for yourself.

    #446202 Reply
    Lele

    Ahhh, are you guys serious with this one?! OP, let me clear the air….this guy is NO GOOD and you are doing nothing good by opening this door again. First of all, he’s clearly not made of integrity. He gets involved with you, then breaks your heart just to move backwards to his ex, then strolls on over back to you calling her dirty names. I would instantly lose respect for a man who described his ex that way. No matter what. It’s immature and shows his true colors. Also, he “begs” for you back? I beg to differ. He’s “too busy” RIGHT WHEN he should be wooing you the most? Right. This is a CLASSIC CASE of, hmmm, I wonder if she *would* take me back. Not saying I want her back necessarily, but I wonder if she would go for it.

    That’s why he didn’t call you. That’s why he “just needed to text you.” And that’s why he’s suddenly, mysteriously, incoveniently, too busy for you.

    #446203 Reply
    Jules

    You should walk away. This guy is full of crap. Anyone can tell you, if a guy is serious about you he will make an honest effort to be responsive. It’s texting, not snail mail. Two days for a reply is unacceptable. People have their phones on them nearly all the time. No one who is truly interested takes that long, and really, no one is THAT busy that they can’t send a text.

    His words are cheap. His actions are what you should be watching. He knew you would come back and as soon as he asked you said yes and now he’s acting like a jerk again.

    #446210 Reply
    Greenie

    I’m with the others on here, his behavior has been selfish, disrespectful and in no way demonstrates he has feelings for you whatsoever. At a time when he should be at his best he’s giving you close to his worst. Someone who “can’t stop thinking about you” doesn’t wait two days to text. It’s all a game to see if he could get you back. And your message to him is “yes you can”.

    I have no patience for that kind of nonsense. My response would be that I’d “consider” taking him back if he would crawl through broken glass for me. Or walk on a bed of nails or hot coals. And if he managed one of those, I’d tell him that I thought about getting back with him and the thought made me nauseated so I decided not to.

    Sometimes you only need to give someone ONE chance to break your heart, this is one of those times… he had his chance and blew it.

    #446213 Reply
    Teresa

    Haha I thought about a second chance. But he fucked it up. I stood up and told him what I expected. Loud and clear of what I wanted. When he doesn’t like what I had to say. He said “fuck it, have a nice life buddy.” Clearly giving up. I said if you want to tell me something then tell me in person. He’s too busy, but when I was with him, always on his fucking phone. I was nice but fuck it! He is disrespecting me after he broke my heart. I don’t deserve this shit. Not wooing me at all. Just the same old guy like before. He’s pausing my recovery time. He should be making me happy but I get more tears and hurt. He says he cares but I don’t see it or feel it. Yeah, have a nice life too!

    #446224 Reply
    redcurleysue

    What a mess. Not a man but a mess. You know where mess goes.

    #446232 Reply
    Mila

    No no no no! Teresa, I’m going through exactly the same, an ex came back but is super wishy-washy and clearly just testing the waters for an ego boost. I was stupid enough to give him that (my thread is “My Ex Is Seeing Someone But Trying to Rekindle” if you want to take a look). You live and learn, and I’m glad it looks like you got what this guy is made of. If an ex truly wants you back and would have changed, he’d show it. REALLY show it. But this guy, going from an ex to another one and the way he talks about them – you know he probably said something similar to her about you too! -, it’s just disgusting. Be mad if you must but whatever you do, do NOT contact him!

    #446301 Reply
    Teresa

    I was doing fine without him and he interrupted my healing. more roller-coaster emotions. It sucks to have so much love for someone when they hurt you. Your willing but then they show you they aren’t worth it. I never want to hate or seek revenge. He’s a boy and has to learn even though he was older than me. I have so much support and people that appreciate me for me. He didn’t have anyone, only me. He’s ruining it, it’s his fault, I did my part.gahh like you don’t want to believe situations are the same or men are. It’s so confusing and frustrating.

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