Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He Says He's 'In a Weird Place'?
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Emma.
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Vanessa
The story: I met this guy about a year ago through my cousin (they’re best friends) and we ended up hooking up. At the time I lived across the country, but eventually I moved and we now live in the same neighbourhood. When I moved he reached out and asked to hang out.
Anyway we live about two blocks from each other and it makes it very easy for him to just say ‘hey, wanna come over?’, so we got in a cycle of texting each other when drunk and coming over to each other’s places. This was partly my fault as much as his.
In between seeing each other, he would never text me to make general conversation, but I’m not much of a texter anyway. I was very busy with work and new social circles, and sort of going on dates with someone else so it made it very easy for me to not care so much. However, I’m still not very good at the no-strings things thing, so eventually I decided the booty call situation wasn’t what I wanted and deleted his number so I wouldn’t text him while drunk.
A month went by and then on New Years he was away and text me begging to see me when he got back, so things started up again. I gradually trained him not to text me late at night (I would just reply to him in the morning), so we started hanging out on Sundays, with no alcohol involved, but always at his house sleeping over. At this point I started to develop stronger feelings for him but wasn’t sure what was going on in his head.
One evening, I got emotional because I was having trouble with work. He voluntarily looked into my eyes, held my hands and said he ‘really, really’ liked me. I told him I liked him too. I thought this was a small step forward.
After that we continued to see each other on weekends, unfortunately though we’ve got in a routine of going to his place and not real dates. We’ve only been to dinner twice and brunch once in the last 7 months or so.
Anyway, one weekend I slept at his, went into work as usual and I got fired. In the week that it happened, he text me a few times, asked if I was OK and said he was sorry, but he didn’t offer to come over and give me a hug or anything. I’m easy-going but I thought that was a bit low.
A month goes by and I don’t see him, then out of the blue, he texts me in the morning asking if I wanted to cuddle. I have been quite laid back this whole time, but I finally plucked up the courage to say I didn’t want to be his booty call if that’s what he’s after, that i needed him when I got fired and that I needed more of his time than that.
He said he knows, he understands and that I’m certainly not a booty call to him or anything like that. He said he really enjoys spending time with me but he’s ‘in a weird place’ himself and he feels like he needs to be alone.
He did have a very psycho long-distance ex-girlfriend who got very upset when he made friends and got his own life, so I think he is very determined to keep his independence. He is also very focused on work and building his financial future, and he’s only recently started a new position, which he’s struggling with.
So I’ve told him thanks for his honesty, let’s leave it for now and to get get in touch if things change. I’m just wondering what a weird place even is? Is this really just ‘I’m not interested?’ And if it’s likely I’ll ever hear from this guy again?
Peggy
Hi Vanessa-the “weird place” is nothing more than the place he has always been in-not very invested, using you at his convenience, not around if you need him etc. You seem to want more/better-so go get it, move on to someone that is able to have a real relationship. He will only feed you more crumbs if you let him and waste your time. I hope this helps.
mitchie
I am inexperienced but I think he isn’t ready for having an official relationship. At the same time, he doesn’t wanna lose you in some point so it has become like this. Take some time and see if things change a bit. If he continues like that, I wouldn’t let him continue then coz as a girl, it feels bad not to be exclusive but keep doing things like that.
L
Vanessa I think you did the right thing by telling him what you wanted…IMO I definetely think he will keep in touch.
Unfortunately what it appears is that he became accustomed to the hanging out whenever with you. Which could very well be what he is looking for someone to just chill with…which is not what you want. Thats fine…how do you fix it? You continue to live your life and not contact him, sleep with him or text him especially when drunk.
The key now is to “show” him your actions with your words. Hey doesn’t mean you can’t say hi when you see him or if he texts to say hi respond back. It just means your both in two different places and his interest is not strong enough to change.
Hannah
Let’s face it. This was a Sunday sober booty call. That’s it. He’s not there for you on an emotional level at all.
A weird place is “I don’t want anything more than our Sunday sex but I don’t want to lose that either”. He doesn’t need to be alone if he has been for a year and has been having fun with you. He wants to be alone. I’m sorry!
Looking into someone’s eyes and saying you really like them is what I and my partners have done is happy, fulfilling FWB situations. “Really like” means very little. Of course he really likes you or he wouldn’t have spent every Sunday with you.
lovegiver
listen to what he said and grant him his wish to be alone. If you want you can be friends (without benefits) with him.
you’ve done the right thing so far and you’ve kept your dignity. Well done! Be proud of yourself.
Only he can tell you what the weird place is. Only time can tell whether he will be back but im sure you can tell from this forum that the likelihood of a guy coming back is very high. What about you? Are you happy with ending things? Were you happy in the casual relationship? Are you going to start dating others?Anonymous
Yes, you are just a booty call to him. Hannah called it right.
Vanessa
@lovegiver I have granted him his wish, so will see what happens from here. As for me, I’m struggling with my decision, mainly because I’m not usually the strong person or the one to cut things off – I tend to be the person who waits things out because I can’t let go. To an extent I was happy with the casual relationship. I have lots of work to do, I travel a lot for work and have lots going on. At the same time, I wanted to know how he felt about me, because I never quite knew if I was just a booty call or not. I find dating a little bit difficult in my city because most people seem to be in relationships or if they’re single, they’re quite happy that way. I’ve tried the apps, but I prefer to meet people organically.
redcurleysue
To an extent you were happy with the relationship…but you were not happy enough since you called him out. Long term you would not have been happy overall.
Look, you needed more and were not getting it…end of story….do not hang on for nothing like this.
Lisa
I am in the EXACT same place so know how difficult it is to walk away when you are not getting what you want. You wonder if you have cut your nose off despite your face as you liked spending time with him anyway. I personally think walking away has more of an impact on them then giving them exactly what he wants does. He will have more respect for you by not being his booty call. And if he misses you(which the likely hood is he will) he will be back. But it depends if you are up for what he is willing to offer.
Chloe
Vanessa I feel you. Your story is Exactly my situation right now. As I was reading, I was like omg this is my story too.. He said that he is “just in a bad place right now”.
Janet
A “weird” place is not with you .
When a guy wants you there’s no ‘weird’ it’s simple.
Be independent hold out for what you want.
Nobody wants “weird ”
Just saying .Paige
Men will beat around the bush because they don’t want to lose access to you (or in this case your vagina) so that “weird place” he mentioned is just an excuse not to commit to you, and to soften the blow so that he doesn’t lose his convenience, aka you.
If I were you, I’d stop talking to this guy completely. I’ve been there, and I had to eventually ghost the guy because he was never gonna give me what I wanted. Sometimes, you have to cut the cord yourself, because he’s not gonna do it.
Emma
It sounds much more interesting, even sophisticated, to say “I am in a weird place” than to say “I am being a wishy washy dork who wants to use you without making any effort and only when I feel like it”
Imagine a man would tell you, yes you are a booty call.
Seriously ladies, of course they’d tell you “I really like you”.
Take a big step sideways and look at the situation from the outside. It is very clear that all he wanted was a booty call. And yes he liked you. That’s why he called you.
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