This topic contains 10 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Umm 3 months, 1 week ago.
January 11, 2018 at 7:30 am #678263
Hi. I don’t know what to do. It feels so strange when a man expresses his feelings such as he find me special, kind, attractive, he likes me a lot, he loves me, but then several days of no contact.
Last date was not the best. I will talk about sex here. Sex was always good for us, except that last time he made a butt thing with me. I wasn’t saying no in the process, but then went sad and didsn’t stay over night. I went home and texted later that if anal sex is an important part for his sex life, that I might not be a woman for him. That he may want to find someone who will be into it and if so, I will understand and let him go.
His immediate answer was that no, it’s not that important, he was sorry we tried, he doesn’t want to lose me and hope to see me next week. I replied thanking for his attitude and said that sure we can meet and sent him a heart smiley.
It was like a situation fully sorted and we are fine. But since my response, he keeps silent. It’s almost a week. usually we text every day or other day.
Q1: Does he seem like changing his mind and decided against seeing me anymore? Why would he expresses his love in the last message and then went silent?
Q2: Should I wait or should I reach out first and ask what’s up?
Please help, I am so broken.
January 11, 2018 at 7:45 am #678265
No one can read his mind. I will say that you acted
Very immaturely about the situation and dramataic. So that may be what has turned him off . And not the issue of not liking anal. Men who really want you wont force you to do something you aren’t comfortable with. But when you pout, storm out, and then start texting about breaking up? That’s not attractive. A mature woman would have just stated I’m not comfortable with that. End of story.
So he may be reevaluating you in general in terms of how you react to things and handle yourself. All you can do at this point is wait and see if he reaches out.January 11, 2018 at 8:22 am #678267
Thank you Umm, probably you are right.
I think I have little overreacted because I am generally unsure where our relationship is going and seeing some red flags.
Anyways, at his last message replying to my ‘anal’ confession, he said that he always admire and tease my behind, but what he truly likes is my personality, smart and kind.
That is what makes me most wondering. I would understand him getting silent as a some type of punishment to my initial emotional message, but why saying all the nicest reassuring things and then this silence?January 11, 2018 at 8:28 am #678268
Tbh I think you should try and call him, at a time you know he is free (not working etc). If he doesnt pick nor call you back/ text you back, you should take it as an “its over” and not wait for him.
I think he really feels bad about about the hole “butt stuff”, and probarly went quiet to give you space or something. He sounds like a caring man.
But I wouldnt say you were “too immature” and “dramataic”, you just told him how you felt. Thats very important that you can do that in a relationsship, people on this site like to act like they “dont have any feelings”.
However you need to say your feelings in a way, where you are not attacking him. You should also have said no to him, and I do adgree that you overreacted in your tone of the texts. You should just have calmly told him after the sex “Hey honey, I know I didnt say no. But I wasnt very comfortable with this.. I dont think its something I would do again, please dont take this the wrong way”, then he actually had a chance to hold you and say “Im sorry, I would never hurt you” or whatever, instead of you raging on texts 30 mins after the sex.
But yeah, give him a call. If he doenst/never answer- leave him be.January 11, 2018 at 8:54 am #678269
It is truly hard to say uncofmortable things into face, so yes, a spacious room to learn there. I think I was so much feeling frustrated about what happened, so just needed go home to process my feelings and formulated the following overreacting texting.
It would be pity to end up a loving relationship against a butt case. I will follow your advice and call or text once I get enough courage.January 11, 2018 at 9:28 am #678272
This is very complicated. How long have you been a couple? For one thing, butt is very time comsuming. A man must loosen that thing up for a good hour or so first.
Secondly, he may be into porn. I always assume a guy has some hidden habits such as porn addiction. I don’t know that this is the case. That is why its really good to get to know a man well. Obviously, watching a lot of porn, he will not be satisfied unless he can get his woman to be like the gals in the video.
thirdly, butt should be incorporated into a relationship after a year or many years together. who needs that type of excitement when the relationsip is new. ??
What are your thoughts?January 11, 2018 at 10:13 am #678281
He was very gentle and preparing me before and well caressing after, still I didn’t like the butt act itself as it hurts and I felt bad, and that’s what I said in the texts. I wanted to make sure delivering the message that it’s not gonna happen with me again. And if he’s really into, he may probably consider another partner.
Did I push too much with this other partner thing?
He might be watching porn. I do myself sometime hehe. We’ve been together for a few months, then more months on a long-distance when I moved to another country, then breaking up as it was no point with such a distance. Now three months reunioned as I am back to the city he lives. It was him initiating the contact after a year of silence we had after our break up. It was him strongly into reunion once I told I am moving back.
So now afrer all effort he put in and best of luck with our job situation, which allowed to be together, love confessions from both parties, here we go this unclear silence.
It affects my concentration to work so I think I will attempt to clarify by calling him and knowing by his response.January 11, 2018 at 11:00 am #678293
Thank you everyone!
He wrote me and apologized for being silent. He said he is missing me but have been terribly busy with work and passing last exams at the uni. We are adults by the way 30+. I am super happy and appreciating your huge support to talk to me today!
I feel good that I gave him space and I will take your advices on board and will act more mature in the future!January 11, 2018 at 11:03 am #678295
I don’t think you acted immature. I think you are fine.January 12, 2018 at 9:43 pm #678572
I’m happy it has worked itself out. 👍🏻January 13, 2018 at 10:46 am #678638
I think as a woman you need to decide in your head what you will or will not do under certain circumstances. I actually like anal, and it doesn’t take hours to get ready for it! Lol… that’s silly. You have to use really good lube and just be relaxed. That said, I would never have anal with just any man. I saved that part of me for marriage because I felt that it was some5hibg special and especially intimate and had to be with someone I fully trusted and was committed to me. So why would I give it away like ordinary sex? And that’s what I did. And I not only like doing it I feel that it’s a special act deserved for a very special man. Most men love this form of sex, not because of porn! That’s another silly comment. They like it because it’s tighter there and the friction is stronger for them.
Glad things worked out for you. But you really need to learn how to express your wants and dislikes. You are in your thirties?.. but can only communicate over text? Please grow up and practice communication. Especially with a lover or husband. There was a day when texting didn’t even exist. I swear people these days would shrivel up and die if they couldn’t hide behind a phone key board. If you don’t feel comfortable enough to discuss this in person with your man I question how confident you are in this relationship.