Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He let me walk away
- This topic has 37 replies and was last updated 6 years, 1 month ago by
Sheri.
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SthrnBelle
M I am going to read all the responses but when I say men can be proud in not begging, that does not mean they have too much pride to come back. They do come back if they care regardless of pride and in fact some will come back for an ego boost as we know it. But most will not beg or ask you to change you mind right on the spot when you tell them that you want to leave a situation. Most will think it over and even the good ones may take days, weeks, etc. to get to that point where they will see what needs to change. The rest will never apologize, want to make you happy, etc. and may only come back for an ego boost.
M
Maria,
Your story scared the hell out of me! Thank you for the serious future reality check!
I can feel your pain and I am so very sorry! You must have sensed that if I had stay with this guy, he would’ve done something similar to me. I had sensed if I had stuck around and been his easy booty call, he would’ve lost respect for me and treated me without decency. That’s why I cut it off almost as soon as I saw him “change.”
Your guy behaved sadistically toward you! I’m sorry. I don’t think my guy is that bad, and I don’t blame him for wanting sex. But I did get the sense he was uncomfortable with me. I have a lot more than he does, so he knows we are incompatible. That made me suspect that he wouldn’t allow our relationship to progress toward something really serious. It’s like I could sense him trying not to care about me or act loving toward me, if that makes any sense.
I don’t know if this is an important detail, but he knows he’s not as good looking as people think I am. Does this affect a man’s ego? It’s like he was comfortable making me his conquest, but nothing more than that. I have no clue, but you all are really helping me learn from this. Thank you!
SthrnBelle
M I am still reading but what keeps bugging me is the arguments. Listen, men hate arguments and drama and will go out of their way to avoid them. Some more than others. They prefer no discussions or if any then in an encouraging way. Sometimes you must have them but when they feel that you lash out at them, you are right, they will stop contacting you for fear that more will come their way. I would really like to know now what things he was doing wrong, saying wrong and how he was treating you badly because it could be that you blew things out of proportion. I am only saying this because I have done so in the past as well and this does in fact become a vicious cycle that is hard to break, you can only leave it. Sometimes it is something that can be worked on but requires a chance in your mindset and attitude too.
M
Sthrnbelle,
Thank you for clarifying your point about a man’s pride. I didn’t know that. I really opened my eyes.
Like I said in the first page, i didn’t argue with him. I just stopped talking to him because I didn’t want criticize him. When I resumed contact with him, I said not one word about our disagreement. He was the one to bring it up to apologize again. But no action accompanied his words, so I gave up on him.
Jessica,
You’re completely right. He and I had poor communication with each other and we were walking in the dark. Both of us are emotionally unavailable people who are afraid of true emotional intimacy in a relationship. That’s probably why I was so quick to walk away and why he let me go so easily.
M
I just realized something. I spent most of the day today thinking and writing about this guy. I learned so much. Thank you. But I must move on and stop questioning why, why, why. I must move on.
SthrnBelle
M to me Jessica gave the best advice, Jessica you know you always give great advice. I also try to come from a place of empathy trying to understand how men work. I feel that when I try to tune into how they work a relationship works much better. As I explained to you in the beginning my BF and I miscommunicated too for a couple of months and I was not coming from a place of empathy due to misunderstandings and frustrations feelings we may not need the same thing. I think the best way as I said to break the cycle is to walk and to be able to walk and accept the break. The best thing to do then is also somehow letting them know that you are seeking clarity and he should think it over too what he wants. If it was simply miscommunication, then you can reset as Jessica said, it is possible. I have been able to. However, that does not guarantee you a successful relationship by itself as that requires two parties, he has to want that as much as you do too.
M believe it or not yes what you are describing above is possible also. Again I can relate. My BF told me it is a problem to him that men find me so attractive, I was like what? I thought that it would make a man proud. To me he is beautiful because I have felt his soul was and I tried going back to that place where I knew his real person to reset.
But back to physical attraction, yes, my BF got insecure because several people told him that they were wondering what I was doing with him and used adjectives about me that were in superlatives, both female and male friends and his best friends, well, it has happened that one really tried with me in front of me, it was very uncomfortable. So he felt he was not good enough for me and then they can punish and feel insecure.
I understood that I needed to reassure him and to connect with him myself too, that instead of doing the pulling away and such my reaching out to him at times with kindness and love really helped reconnect.
Again the big issue remains which is commitment, not sure where you stand, we have not gotten there but yes we have always been exclusive. But this is something that is their battle, most men fear commitment. In fact normal man usually do and those that do not are generally in the narcist, psycho group. Not all but most, trust me been there done that.
That said fearing commitment does not equal fearing exclusivity, I think that the GF/BF status is a must and should be decided quite in the beginning.
Again if you shared more about what happened between you and how he acted I could tell you more because without that I do not want to hint at that perhaps you overreacted and his insecurities also stopped him from stopping you. It can happen.
M
Sthrnbelle,
Thank you very much. I’m really trying not to think about him anymore, but I cannot not respond to your kindness. A million thanks to you for your empathy.
SOohia
Thank you, this is exactly what I’m going though except I’m choosing to walk away and give us both space to figure things out. He says he loves me, cares for me and never meant to hurt me by not committing. I don’t wanna be with someone I “forced to commit”. What’s meant to be will be, I can just be happy that I got that closure from this, a healthy breakup.
Nicole
M,
Sorry I haven’t read through all the responses but I think that you’ve done the right thing. The fact that he changed so quickly after sex shows his true colours. I assume you want a relationship and so you should never settle for anything less!
In saying this, no one is saying it doesn’t suck to say goodbye because it does, especially if you thought it could be something. Even though you ended it, it was because of his actions. I think as awful as it is, time makes it all better and when you find a man worthy, you’ll forget about this guy.
Sometimes they do come back but if he does, make sure you have a certain agreement so it is what you want. In the meantime, grieve over this relationship, move on and find someone better & enjoy your own life :)
Tia
You mentioned guys will lie to get what they want.
What is “it” that they are lying to get.
love.
money.
sex.
perhaps you should be more specific.
i date young men.
a lot of young men (if they are decent) are up front as to
what they want. sometimes it is simply chatting, friendship.
a lot of young men (if they are decent) have to like and be attracted
to have sex with a girl.Linda
Ti, this post is from 2015, if you are seeking advice you will get more advice.
Riya
I told him in WhatsApp I want a break up… He asked u want… I said it’s not ok the way u treat me even I love him as hell… This was last night… What ever I ask he never accept… A kiss.. a hug.. chat… Photo.. nothing he accept. Also I felt no affection…. i was fed up… I said I want a breakup… He said he will delete all my contacts.. I said do it…
He did not try to settle it.. I was the one who wanting him I think…
We broke up last December and he came back apologizing on May this year.. I gave him chance to hurt me again…
I want advice.. will he miss me???? What should I do??? I want him.. but I don’t want to chase him…
Sheri
Your experience is exactly as mine , I guess this is what they do n we must move on although u remember all the good times n want jus want that person n no one else , I’m heartbroken he led me to end it n never fought for me , wen it was him that was the romantic one n it was him that complimented me head to toe n it was him that made all the effort in beginning n then jus walked away, n now we act as if the other don’t exist n it’s hard but I suppose he will look for another pretty face and start all this over with another poor soul.
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