Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Have you ever slept in the same bed as a guy you're dating without sex happening
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Raven.
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Lucy
Hello!
I’ve been dating this guy for more than a month. We’ve seen each other six times and we’ve only kissed so far. We had one movie date in my house and only kisses and cuddling happened. He never has pushed me for sex or anything like that. Yesterday I went to his house, he cooked me dinner and we watched a movie. I was really tired so I fell asleep during the movie. When it was over I said I had to go because I had a busy day today. He said that I could stay and insisted a couple of times. I said that I could go home but he said that he really wanted me to stay, so I said yes. We went to sleep almost right away.
A couple of minutes after he asked me if I wanted to cuddle. We started cuddling me and he was really sweet about the whole thing, giving me kisses and pushing my hair back. We couldn’t sleep. He started kissing me and since I was wearing a dress, one thing led to another and he started fingering me. I was really sleepy so although I was enjoying it, I told him that he should stop because we had an early morning the next day. He asked me if I wanted to have sex, I said no.
We started cuddling again and I couldn’t sleep because he was reckless, he moved a lot in the bed and yes, he apparently had an erection. In an hour or so, he noticed I wasn’t asleep either and asked me if we could talk. He asked me if I enjoyed hanging out with him and told me something really personal about his family and said that maybe thats why he wasn’t good at expressing how he felt. But that it didn’t mean that those feelings weren’t there. I told him I wanted to take things slow because I wasn’t sure we were right for each other but I really liked him. That I didn’t wanted to string him along and that I enjoyed spending time with him but didn’t wanted to commit or have sex right now because I wasn’t sure. He told me he really liked me and that I was too good to lose. That it would be good if I decided soon that I wanted this. He also said that he couldn’t sleep because he was too excited about having me for the first time in his bed.
He also asked me if i had told anyone i was dating him. I answered honestly and said no, that i haven’t told anyone yet. I asked him and he told me that he mentioned it to some of his friends.
We fell asleep and he didn’t try to have sex again. This morning we woke up and I said had to leave. He insisted for me to stay a couple of more minutes, I did, and he told me that next time I should stay in a weekend night so I don’t have to leave really early in the morning.
I’ve been nothing but honest about this guy. I like him, we have a good time together, but I feel he likes me more than I like him. Yesterday, I didn’t have sex with him because I was really tired and didn’t wanted our first time to be like that. Should I keep going out with him or this is unfair on my part?
Thanks :)
Options2
This is not unfair since you honestly share how you felt.
The guy in early stage of dating will alway try to win you over so I is normal that he appears to like you lot more. With you in his bed of course you would think he was totally into you.
So your job is to slow him down do you can decide you want to date him long term. Stay busy and date him once a week for couple more months and no daily texting then you should know if you miss him enough
Lucy
Options2,
That’s very good advice. However, I felt that way since the beginning. He is very respectful and sweet, as a girl you know when someone likes you besides the sex.
Gemini615
Stop having at home dates. It’s only a month in, you should still be having dates outside the house. Now that you fooled around a bit and stayed he night he’s going to keep trying to push your boundaries and see how much you’ll let him get away with, hence why he’s so eager for you for spend the night again.
If you really aren’t ready to have sex then stop putting yourself in an easy situation where it can happen. It’s really very simple.
Lucy
To be honest, I’m not against having sex with him, I was just really tired and didn’t wanted our first time ton be lousy.
I wouldn’t mind having sex with him at this stage and that’s why I went to his house
Lucy
I said I wasn’t sure to him about wether we are compatible so didn’t had sex.
Gemini,
What you are saying makes a lot of sense then. Maybe I shouldn’t have sex with him until I’m sure. I like the idea of having sex with Him but when it comes to it, I feel unsure and like yesterday, i chicken out.No home dates it is
Sherri
Oh I have totally done that!! In fact I always tell the guys I date that I prefer to go slow and I do. But I also need to fool around after about 1.5 months to see if there is anything there.
So to answer your question, all the guys I have dated (not met up … dated). That would mean the ones who passed the one to two month dating timeline, I have slept with in the same bed when fooling around and there was no sex.
In fact I remember with one guy we were kind of drunk and when I would have liked it to go further he stopped me and said that he did not want to go further unless I was not drunk as he did not want me regretting it afterwards. He told me that I was worth waiting for. Which was quite sweet. I thanked him in the morning… :)
Sunisrising
It happened to me when I was dating my late husband. We were on date 3 and I went to his apt to watch football and he offered I stay. I stayed and we didn’t have sex. I was married to him for 16 years. I lost him last year. So it could happen and in my case, I married him :)
Lucy
Sherri,
That was really sweet of him!
Yeah, I guess fooling around its important to see if there is sexual chemistry there.
So after how many time you sleep with them?
With this guy I said no and he was cool with it. He didn’t tried anything else, we just talked and he told me the things I mentioned in the post. I think his intentions are good, he is a guy after all, of course he wants sex. It would be bad if he didn’t.
Sunrising,
thanks for your response.
I’m really sorry to hear about your lost.
Raven
In all of my 55 years, I’ve never slept in the same bed with a man I did not have the intention to have sex with.
Slumber parties are for girls…
Lucy
Raven,
Although I see your point, sometimes you don’t know and it happens. It wasn’t planned or calculated.
Jessica
It sounds like he really likes you. This is the ideal situation – where he’s ahead of you in interest and the relationship. If he’s a good guy, has his stuff together, is attractive to you and seems like he wants a relationship, I would take it slow and give him a chance – one day you may wake up and find that you like him too.
As far as a sleepover – I think it’s totally fine as long as you are at the point where if something happened you would be okay with it – but I do really think the first time should be spectacular, especially where this may lead to something serious – and it’s always better to wait as long as possible – ideally until after commitment (and after you’ve met each others’ family and friends) – but sometimes these things aren’t planned when you have strong emotions for each other. I think, in some ways, sleeping with someone (before sex) feels very intimate. If a guy does that and wants to talk and is respectful – it shows he really likes you. I did this many times with my BF – we did not want to have sex before commitment – so we tried not to do anything for a long time – that was torture but we really got to know each other!!
Maria
Why are you doing home dates only?
And of course it is ok to sleep in one bed and not have sex.
If you want him, sleep with him, it won’t change much, but if you are not sure, better wait.
Patrick
I think you don’t deserve the guy if you can’t see that his value. This is a good man, stay away from him.
L
Wow Patrick.. get into the current year? This post is two years old dude? What’s your problem? Poor eyesight?
Raven
It’s Mike trolling, again…
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