Have I messed this up?

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This topic contains 13 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Sosan 1 year, 2 months ago.

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  • #620588 Reply


    Hi everyone

    There’s a guy I’ve met recently at a friend’s house warming and we seemed to have hit it off. He told me a lot about his work and it was kinda sexy seeing a guy who loves what he does. He lives in another state but comes to visit his home state quite often & said he’d be moving back within couple of months. He said he wants to get to know me & asked for my number. I gave him my number & he texted me the next day & we exchanged formalities. Then silence for 2 days, he then texted me after the 2 days and I just responded casually. He then called me while at work and he quickly had to go & said he’d call me back later. I said sure. He called me 5 times later that night and asked if he’d offended me earlier about hanging up. I saw the missed calls 2 hours later and texted him I was busy. He called me right after & we’ve talked for an hour & half. It didn’t feel that long at all. He reminded me and said “hey we’ve been talking for x hours” to which I expressed my surprise and told him I had fun and goodnight. He then texted me “that talk wasn’t awful at all” with a wink & I jokingly said “you got schooled” and he responded A+ for effort then I said goodnight and him the same. So I haven’t heard from him since and I haven’t reached out to him either.
    I’m wondering if I’ve messed this up? I have a habit of being on the phone for too long with previous relationships & I want to stop thid habit. I’d love to hear your advice and insight.

    #620592 Reply


    There were two people on the phone, how is this all your fault? Maybe he messed this up for talking too long on the phone to you? Nobody held a gun to his head! Also, why assume you messed up? If you haven’t heard from in a couple days that’s normal as he doesn’t live in your state. I wouldn’t get too worked up over this guy….he is one of many options, and you should treat it that way. You’re getting way too invested too soon if you’ve only talked once on the phone and are obsessing this much about ‘ruining’ it. You’re going to give yourself an aneurysm!

    #620593 Reply


    Hi Susan

    When did you last talk to him?

    How long were you on the phone?

    What did you talk about on the phone…did you get really personal and go into details?
    Talk about past personal relationships?

    The ‘schooled ‘and A+ doesn’t make sense at all…were you just trying to hard to impress him?

    We need more details

    #620594 Reply


    Lol@ aneurysm. You made me laugh. And you’re right. He himself enjoyed talking to me before hanging up. But I’ve read something awhile ago you shouldn’t be on the phone with a guy on the early stages more than minutes but we got caught uo having interesting conversation we’ve forgot. He said that he felt he knew me for a long time given how comfortable we were.
    I’m dating others as well but it’s been a very long time since I’ve met someone I had an instant connection with who was so interesting. I might be reading too much into it though. Thanks Love x

    #620596 Reply


    Crisula I’ve spoken to him a day ago and we’ve been on the phone for 1 hour and half. We’ve talked about our travel experiences, and some gender related topics which is my area and he learned somethings, that’s what I meant schooled. It wasn’t about impressing him but sharing perspectives

    #620597 Reply



    Hour and a half?? One day?

    Oh God…you have nothing to worry about!
    Just chill out…you don’t want him to sense neediness.

    Weird about the A+ and ‘you got schooled’

    You haven’t even been out with him yet…I’m sure he will contact you.
    I would miss one call though…and answer the second being brief and friendly…”on the way out…talk soon!” and then talk to him on the 3rd.

    #620598 Reply


    You will hear from him later, it’s been ONE day only. Geez.

    Your habit of staying too long on the phone can indeed numb the romance early on. He maybe enjoying a conversation with you, but I bet he’s had enough for a week. Next time do not continue talking for that long. This will make him want to talk to you again sooner.

    He is long distance, what are you getting yourself into? Wait until he moves back to your state. He said he is moving back in two months but you don’t know that. Tell him you appreciate his attention and would like to see if you two can continue talking AFTER he moves back. This will only make him want you more, he will have to WAIT, knowing that you value yourself.

    #620606 Reply


    Crisula I need to take a chill pill it seems. Thanks for the advice

    Nat that sounds like a solid advice he’s indeed being transferred back in couple of months & is visiting family in a month. Will take a backseat and see how this plays out

    #620610 Reply


    There is only one thing in your story that is remotely concerning to me and that is that he called you 5 times in a row. WTF? Call once and leave a message. If anything, he is the one that should be concerned about coming across as weird and needy– or maybe that’s just a pet peeve of mine– but I would feel super harrassed if someone called 5 times in a row and didn’t leave a message.

    You had a great conversation– 1.5 is on the long side, sure, but in the getting to know each other stage that can be great! You wouldn’t want to do it every day, but I highly doubt that you have somehow scared him off because you had a great, stimulating, kinda long talk. he could have gotten off the phone any time he wanted.

    He probably will contact you in a day or two. chill out.

    #620612 Reply


    Did you learn a lot about him or did you do most of the talking?

    If he talked a lot too, you’re fine. But I do know women I dread will call me as I can’t get them off the phone. I try but either I can’t get a word in or they don’t listen when I say I have to go. They think I have terrible reception where I live as the only way I can get rid of them is to turn the phone off! They don’t have a clue I do this and think we enjoy talking!

    What is this thing about you having a habit of being on the phone too long? What’s happened in the past?

    #620619 Reply


    Messed up what? Giving him a grade like a school boy? I wouldn’t give an A plus to any man unless he proved himself good in bed.

    #620626 Reply


    Sosan,sounds fine with him being a bit OTT if anyone was. I dted a guy for 4 months (he lived an hour away and we spent weekends together)-we talking on the phone everynight for 10 min to over an hour-never caused issues. However we only texted for logistics, like ” I m leaving now,be there soon”.

    #620629 Reply


    If he isn’t asking you on dates and finding a way to spend time with you.. no a,Lunt of talking matters.

    #620661 Reply


    Maria yes that was because he’d called me from work earlier in the day but quickly had to go & he assumed I was upset about that. He did contact me since my last post with a good morning text and I’ve responded casually

    Hannah we were both sharing equally and as much as I learned about him, he did the same from me. I was a student while in my previous relationships and had sometime on my hand and I’d talk to the guys I was in relationship with on the phone for a long time while I did house work, we talked and I promised myself that’s something I’d change in my next relationship. Even tho I enjoyed talking to them and as they did, I felt I gave them too much of my time that they never deserved.

    Thanks Peggy, yeah texting for me plays the same purpose.

    L he made that comment, not me.

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