Have I been ghosted?


Home Forums Texting Advice Have I been ghosted?

This topic contains 18 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Anne 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #640112 Reply

    Katie

    I have been messaging this guy for the past month. I’ve met up twice with him. We’ve kept a conversation up so we have texted everyday and he has always initiated (1-2 messages each/day). Last week it was the first time it went 2 days without any contact. I initiated a messaged to ask how he is and he replied within 30 mins. We continued that conversation until the next day. He asked me for advice on a present he had to buy and asked me how I’ve been. I replied. I didn’t hear from him and still haven’t and it’s been 5 days. I know he was busy this weekend. Did he ghost on me? It’s equally heart breaking everytime, especially when you liked the person.

    #640115 Reply

    Emma

    If he never contacts you again, then yes he ghosted, but if he does contact you soon I hope you understand that his interest in you is low. If he was interested he would have behaved differently, so do not go in denial and be happy when he contacts you, because some guys like to have a handful of people “ready for action”. They keep their interest alive by texting occasionally. This is not enough and it would only lead to a heartbreak. A man needs to act interested, which at this stage means light courting, constant contact, predictable behaviour.

    #640118 Reply

    Raven

    This is not ghosting… You’ve only been out on 2 dates.

    You should be seeing other guys…

    #640119 Reply

    Anon

    If ghosting nowadays is so common, why you make it such a big deal?

    If it is such a big deal then I suggest one of the solution is to keep texting different men until you stop taking it so personally at the stage when you barely know about the men

    #640121 Reply

    Katie

    I am not that desperate that I need and actively looking to date other guys. I found this one interesting and wanted to see if it develops. He’s been consistent and predictable with his replies so far. It’s the first time this has happened.
    Ghosting is a grey area. Yes we’ve only seen each other twice however, the daily messaging has means something to me.

    #640123 Reply

    Anon

    That is how women got hooked when texting DOES NOT mean much to an average man

    When texting in reality does not mean much in early dating stage. I hope you understand this.

    #640139 Reply

    Algo

    You say you are not desperate and I don’t want to call you desperate, but you are on a forum asking to dissect some texting habits from a Guy you’ve known 30 days and have met up with twice. That’s barely anything. You are asking strangers on the internet to help you out with someone you don’t know at all. I’m not saying that’s desperate but it is a much lower interest level than what the other party is showing.

    So yes, it would probably be better for your peace and calm brain space to not focus on this guy alone…

    #640141 Reply

    Lane

    Hi Katie.

    Texting is THE DEVIL!!! Texting is not dating, its the lowest form of communication that is a BARRIER to really getting to know someone as you need to be able to observe and validate what a person says and does over a period of time (several months) to truly determine if they are a good or honorable person. A man who’s interested will want to spend his TIME with you, a man who isn’t won’t—it really is that simple!

    This is why you should text very little in the early days (first couple months), and mainly use it for logistics (him scheduling dates and briefly checking in) because it allows for mystery and intrigue, whereas if you give too much away for free (via text) then they have no reason to take you out and lose interest pretty quickly, because trust me they are most likely doing this with other ladies (look up e-tethering).

    They say for a man it takes 50 texts to equal (=) ONE DATE. So technically, if you’ve texted each other over 50 times in the span of a few days to a week then you’ve wasted an in-person date! Why should a man take the woman out if she’s giving him all her attention without having to spend any time or money? Where’s the fun in that?

    Men bond through ACTIVITIES that creates positive memories—the more positive the memories you create with a man, the more he’ll WANT TO spend time with you. For instance, a group of guys will go to a ballgame and say barely 20 words to each other, other than cheering their team/players on, yet they are BONDING. The opposite goes for woman, whereas they will communicate with each other and barely notice the game but they are bonding. Remove the communication via your phone and leave it for the dates while doing something fun together (men love to play) and you’ll have better luck finding a guy who wants to stick around.

    #640144 Reply

    WallaWalla

    Low interest during a month of dating and then someone discontinuing contact isn’t ghosting. It’s the way dating goes. Ghosting is when someone leaves a real relationship without any notice.

    Someone who you’ve seen a few times doesn’t owe you anything although Emma/Nat will tell you it’s very bad manners for someone to go away without saying anything. While it would be nice if someone said thanks but no thanks, the reality is most people – male and female – just let it go after a few dates if they’re not feeling it. There’s nothing wrong with that. Watched pots don’t boil, if you are not still dating other guys waiting for something to develop here, you are going to send off the wrong signals of being ahead of him without meaning to.

    #640145 Reply

    WallaWalla

    Lane, WHO says it takes 50 texts to equal one date? And what exactly does that mean?? LOL
    I do agree texting is useless when you hardly know someone. It’s a very lazy form of communications. Means nothing, doesn’t drive a relationship ahead.

    #647678 Reply

    Jayne

    I am in the same boat as you! Although with mine, we went two weeks without texting and have been on two dates, but have seen each other 4 times. i know how it is, texting can be pointless but so meaning full at the same time!

    #647696 Reply

    BCS

    Lane, I want to be just like you when I grow up! LOL Seriously, you are so right

    #647734 Reply

    my2cents

    I agree that this guy seems to have low interest, or who really knows what is going on why he has gone MIA. I also want to say that many women on this forum are from another generation and have different views on how modern day technology has changed the world and specifically in dating and relationships.

    Lane make some good points in her advice she normally give on this forum but she is always bashing texting. Lane young people and especially Millennial use texting extensively in our relationships.That is just how we communicate nowadays. I agree that person to person communication is better, but there is nothing wrong in texting especially if you are already in a committed relationship.

    Older people are sometimes afraid of modern day technology and sees change as a threat or heightens their discomfort, but when you are busy at work, school, or just living life in modern day society texting is the most convenient and sometimes preferred way to keep in touch.

    #647742 Reply

    Cat

    Texting – at any age – is not a way to have a relationship! Even I know this at 25!

    #647986 Reply

    T from NY

    Texting means nothing without actions associated with it. Don’t you see that? A man can text you (and several women) many times a day and get his ego stroked and keep many women “standing by” and choose who he wants to take out on REAL dates. Or he could be just texting you while NOT being ready to be in a REAL relationship and keep you hanging on while he lives his single dude life.

    I know you said you think he’s interesting. And I know you said his text communication means something to you — but I mean this with all sincerity — Honey I hope your self love develops where men who are acting like this turn you OFF. That men you meet who you actually get excited about!and think you might have a connection with!and who you are physically attracted to and yada yada — start losing their appeal when they are always blowing up your phone and never asking you out. Who don’t return your same level of interest by arranging and following through with DATES.

    You will know when a man is interested — you will know when he’s giving you his heart — when he gives you his TIME (that means in person in front of his face) All other dudes — LET THEM GO. They will bring you unhappiness.

    #647992 Reply

    Anon

    I think I am beginning to enjoy the texting life as I am too busy to date

    We both enjoy texting for long time, it is fun because we know not much will much will come out.

    Texting buddy is not bad but just to be cleared to each other.

    So men could just text without intent to date – don’t like it then just cut it off

    #653464 Reply

    Tina

    This is for my2cents: I am not that old myself 😉 and my boyfriend and I text a lot! We texted a lot from the start and we still do.

    But I still agree with other posters here. I have wasted so much of my time and energy texting the wrong guys. I got super invested with guys who were texting 10+ ladies at once. Yes, young people text a lot, but also have lots of dysfunctional “almost – complicated – fwb etc – relationships. So if you want something meaningful and serious, maybe you should skip what the majority is doing.

    My now boyfriend consistently supported texting with actions and still does. And he loves texting so we keep that going. Still, if I cut off all the guys that didn’t follow through with actions, my life would have been much easier.

    #653473 Reply

    alia

    If he is not interested in dating you, no texting can change that. If he was interested he would use texting to try and setup dates. Let it go.

    #653772 Reply

    Anne

    Just because everybody is doing it (texting 24/7) doesn’t mean its ideal.

    Eye contact, body language, etc is missing in texting. To say that people who limit texting are old…..

    lol, maybe they are just wise. and good communicators.

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