Had a fight and bf is going away


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This topic contains 11 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Joe 4 weeks ago.

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  • #656193 Reply

    Moon

    I had a fight with my bf last night. There are a few unsolved issues btw us and I felt very insecure about that.. bottled it up for about a week and lashed out last night. For him it seemed to come out from nowhere.

    Instantly I called him back after the fight cos I felt I overreacted and didn’t pick a good time. He told me he was getting more serious with me and me behavior totally threw him off-guarded and now he needed to rethink things. I panicked and tried to explain the issue. But he sounded cold and said he needed to rethink.

    After three hours I called him again. I said I could not sleep. He said he couldn’t either. He seemed to calm down a bit and said thank you for calling him back and making him feel happy. He said one phone can really made a big difference. I said to him I wanted to make him feel normal back cos he was having a trip next day. He said that he’d be in a contact with me during his trip and would let me know when he arrived.

    This morning I drove to his home to see him. I was desperate considering he hadn’t changed his mind about rethinking things. But when i called him he said he had left for the trip already. We talked. I had several long pauses because I was crying. He asked me to go home and eat and rest, make sure I am healthy first, then when he comes back from the trip we can talk and make good decisions. I reluctantly said ok. I told him the recurring issue which causes my emotional breakdown time and time is really bothering me but he avoids talking about it. He said he’d think it over during his 10-day holiday.

    This happened before and he normally came crawling back to me when i left him alone. But this time I just felt he would be leaving me. I am so worried…

    #656215 Reply

    Tirrah

    He’s not going to be thinking about anything during his trip, he’s gonna enjoy the time away.

    You need to just wait it out. Take this as a time to reassemble your thoughts too. What made you bottle things up? Think about you as well not just him.

    #656217 Reply

    Joe

    Stop being so melodramatic. You said it happened before. If something is bothering you, you need to bring it up in a timely fashion and get past it. If there have been too many “issues” in the past, he would be thinking whether or not he wants to stay with you. Now is the time to back off and quit smothering him.

    #656218 Reply

    Moon

    Oh thanks for ur reply.
    It is my usual way of dealing with things. I am super sensitive. When I feel something I usually bottle it up and let it accumulate till a certain point then I explode. It just is uncontrollable every time. But it is normally not related to the issue at the breaking point though it looks like that for my bf.

    Oh.. he actually said to me that since we have gone this far and he has done this much he will try his best to come back to normal for me. But I don’t know why I just feel his thinking will swing a lot.

    I do fall in a trap that makes him my whole world. I notice this is damanging me and the relationship and i think he feels that as well. But coming out from it is so difficult especially things are all mixed up.

    #656219 Reply

    Moon

    I know, right? I know it exactly what I should or should not do under this kind of situation but unfortunately this morning when I drove to to his home I was in panic so much that I was getting out of control.

    Yes it happened before and I had managed to stay back and lwt him come to me. But after those episodes things progressed and I had not expected that I did the same old mistake again – bottling up; picking wrong time to talk; I clearly feel I am in a very bad situation I don’t know what I’d do if he doesn’t come back to me

    #656226 Reply

    Joe

    You wrote:”When I feel something I usually bottle it up and let it accumulate till a certain point then I explode. It just is uncontrollable every time”.

    That’s where you’re wrong. You CAN control your emotions if you really want to. You’ve developed a bad pattern which has become a habit, but you can break it. You have to be determined to bring things up as they occur.

    I don’t know how long you’ve been together, but if you continue the same pattern, he will eventually get tired of it and leave you.

    He is NOT your whole world. You have a life apart from him (family, friends, and whatever). Focus on control and spending time with others or hobbies etc…

    #656230 Reply

    Hannah

    It sounds like you’re having the same issue over and over that isn’t getting resolved. What’s the issue?

    #656241 Reply

    Lane

    If you know YOU have an issue then its your responsibility to fix it, not your BF’s.

    I highly suggest you find a therapist who can help you find better ways methods of managing this problem. If you don’t do something then your BF will eventually get fed up and leave. You essentially have TWO STRIKES against you, so if you want to go for three then keep doing what your doing, if not, then DO SOMETHING to stop it.

    Leave him be for now and begin the process of doing the hard work to get yourself into a healthier mindset. Know that it won’t be fixed in a day, week or month but if you continue to stick to it you can learn a whole new way of dealing with problems/issues that won’t evolve into meltdowns.

    #656425 Reply

    Moon

    Thanks for giving me lots of advice I really appreciate it. The recurring issue is that I kept losing my temper and it makes him feel he could not get along with me in the long run. And when he spelt out his worries, I got more insecure and lost temper more often. As I said i bottled it up till a breaking point. And such breaking points were usually random issues. So he has got the impression that I got upset at different things unpredictably. I tried telling him if we have a more committed relationship and spent more time together,i would not feel this insecure. but I think i am very needy i his eyes.

    The strange thing is that when I pulled back he chased me. It happened every time and he was very worried to lose me. He also never plays games with me like not answering my calls. He always answered. But if he needs space he says it. He asked for space 2-3 times in these 2 years. This is the 4th time.

    I think my life is too dull and my self esteem is too low to keep anyone interested. This relationship is like a big pill for ego boost. Of course I’d feel happy to swallow it all the time. But i just think I haven’t grown up at all. All this time I have been chasing his approval to feel good. I am actually empty inside. And as I contiune like this internally I just feel something isn’t right. I don’t want to cut him off or leave him. But I think both him and I can see the problem here. I think if I continue to treat him like my whole world, I am going to be dragged in a black hole but I also feel it’d take so much effort and time to come out of this. I am 34 already. Would I still make it?

    #656426 Reply

    srik

    your boyfriend’s over here and he’s sucking my cock

    #656432 Reply

    Amanda

    Fixing these issues at 34 is a lot better than 44. You know you have problems so do something about it. You said your boyfriend isn’t committed enough. What do you mean by that? You are 34 do you to have plans to marry? It could be you are with someone who does not want to marry you and this is making you angry and it will continue to do this. So if he is not serious do not waste your time: leave. Regardless, go to therapy and get some hobbies.

    #656444 Reply

    Joe

    You can’t handle a relationship properly and you need serious psychological therapy.

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