Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Friends with Benefits or Something More!? Very Mixed Signals
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ANM Staff.
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GEMMA
I met someone over a year ago on a dating app and we went on about 5 dates. He then didn’t get in touch and then he texted me on a night out and we have been texting each other on occasion like that for a while and staying over at each other’s irregularly. Perhaps every month. Normally not really texting in between except occasionally. I think I vaguely remember having a drunken conversation with him asking if he was a commitaphobe and him also saying his friend said girls always get attached when they are sleeping with someone. I had not. Recently though out of pure coincidence we both were in a place where we were able to take some time off and he suggested we go on holiday together and it would ‘be fun’. He also bought me a present out of the blue just before. He bought himself one and got me one too. We had an awesome holiday and we cuddled alot, occasionally hold hands but rarely kiss when not sleeping with each other. We have exchanged the odd text in the week since our holiday but I am a little confused as I think I really do like him but not sure he feels the same way. Any thoughts? I don’t want to tell him and get rejected and lose what we have as I really enjoy it. I feel like the signals are all over the place.
Maddie
He’s enjoying your situationship without commitment. And getting more comfortable because your participation without asking for more or admitting your feelings so far indicates to him that you accept it and are okay with it. So he thinks he can act romantic in the moment and enjoy it without worrying it will lead you on into wanting more. If a guy wants to upgrade a casual situation AND is mature enough to show up for a real relationship, he’ll come out and tell you (and want to kiss you more often). Instead, he’s enjoying acting like you’re dating and receiving fun companionship benefits without committing. Mixed signals and inconsistency are pretty much always a red flag that the guy doesn’t want anything serious, or can’t handle it / show up for a real relationship even if he thinks he wants it.
If you’re okay with casual situations and with this specific one never going anywhere, then stick around without speaking up. But people get hurt when they’re not on the same page and not looking for the same things and expectations are off. Not communicating just keeps you in limbo. If you really like him and are generally looking for a relationship, you should tell him because if you keep going this way you’ll lead yourself on getting more attached, waste your own time, and get hurt. I don’t think telling him will get you a relationship in this case, but there is a chance and you’ll at least know where you stand without guessing. Plus, even if he doesn’t give you the answer you want, then you have all the info to decide if you still want to hang out casually or move on. It’s a win-win for you, even if it’s scary to think about things changing. It’s better to know and decide what you really want then to let a fantasy idea distract you from meeting other guys who would commit, if you are indeed looking for a more serious relationship. It’s been a year already, don’t sell yourself short!
Andrea
Has he asked you to be his GIRLFRIEND? The answer will tell you how he sees you.
Ewa
well if he doesn’t even text you everyday then I think chances are he is not into you as much as you might think and like Maddie said it’s already been a year and he had not progressed it and more than likely probably still dating others and you should too I guess.
Also if you only see each other once a month then he doesn’t even get a chance to build a bond with you , the fact that his texting did not increase after a holiday or him wanting to see you means he is not that into you.Who usually initiate your ‘dates’, do you only hang out in at home or actually go out and he pays for you etc?
Ianthie
How old are you both?
I think Maddie nailed it here! My thoughts exactly when I read your post. I do think you need to get some clarity on his intentions here as otherwise this could drag for ages and you could end up getting very hurt, if for instance he pulls away again (similar to the first time you met) and you then hear he’s seeing someone else on a regular basis. This happened to someone I work with who, was in a similar situation to you.Frankly, if when you speak up he doesn’t step up, then I would walk. Good Luck.
GEMMA
Thanks all. You are right. I was genuinely happy with everything before but think my feeling have just got confused and have changed recently. It is best to just tell him / cut it off before it goes further to save getting more hurt and retire as just friends!
Cat
When a guy truly likes you, you won’t have to ask – you’ll know.
Mixed signals are a no.
He probably likes you – he just doesn’t like you enough.
Exit with grace so you don’t waste YOUR time on someone who doesn’t want what you want!
Maddie
Admin, there are spam posts on the 3 most recently updated threads.
ANM StaffKeymasterThanks Maddie – I was away for a little while this weekend, and that’s when those managed to slip through. Drats! They’re all cleaned up now.
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