Forgivable? Or a sign he just doesn't care


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This topic contains 39 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  TLyte 3 months ago.

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  • #612107 Reply

    Nelly

    Soooooo… my BF of 8 months is scheduled to move in with me April 1st. That is, until today, one of my friends sends me a text saying he’s having lunch at her restaurant with another woman. I shoot him a text asking if he’s like to grab lunch and he responds that he’s already eaten. This of course gets me upset because I know he’s lying. The place is like 5 minutes from my house so I decide to go have lunch there myself. Of course I see him with the other chick, and he has the nerve to casually stroll by me and just say “Hey…” and keep walking! The woman he is with says nothing. So I call out his name, no response, so I follow him to the parking lot and ask her who she is. Shes obviously pissed that I’m interrupting, but gives me her name and they both continue on their way.

    When he finally calls me 10 to 15 mins after all this went down, he tells me that it’s his sick friend who is dying of breast cancer. He says he didn’t tell me the truth about meeting her for lunch is because he knew I’d be upset because he’s told me that they’ve had sex before. I told him he needs to find someplace else to live.

    This is a dealbreaker, right? If he would’ve introduced us, I would’ve been cool with it, but the fact that he just walked past and wouldn’t address the situation is what makes me feel like there’s some shady stuff happening. Him lying about it, and then the way he responded at the restaurant just shows me that he really doesn’t give a sh*t about our relationship. What do you ladies think? Am I over reacting?

    #612109 Reply

    Cari

    Of COURSE you’re not overreacting!!! And don’t change your mind about moving his a– in either!

    You made the right decision about him finding another place to live. Please don’t give him another chance. And she’s dying of breast cancer but he couldn’t tell you about this friend while you were together? I’m sorry but I think he’s lying about that as well but no way of knowing that unless you ask her.

    Please continue to keep it moving and know that you made the right decision to not have him move in.

    #612110 Reply

    L

    Another dying bf? Let it go,, he only has so much time here on earth.

    #612113 Reply

    peggy

    Yeah-likely more time than he deserves-lol.

    #612114 Reply

    Crisula

    If it were me..I’d find put who she is and send her a condolence card..
    “so sorry to hear that you have cancer”

    #612117 Reply

    T from NY

    Crisula I wished you lived near me. We would be such good friends 😊

    Absolutely you did the best kick ass thing for you. Bravo

    And I would mail that sympathy card. Please do

    #612119 Reply

    Crisula

    @ T from NY
    xx

    #612127 Reply

    Nelly

    I wish I knew her last name. I totally would send her a card. She looked busted AF, so maybe she really is dying of cancer. If some strange woman came up behind you and asked you who you were, wouldn’t you be suspicious? Wouldn’t you answer? The whole situation is crazy. I got no reaction out of either of them. He wants his stuff back. Do I have to give it to him? Can I tell him it’s at the bottom of my pool if he wants it?

    Thanks ladies for making me smile 🙂

    #612131 Reply

    Kia

    Just give him his stuff. Why would you want to keep it? And don’t put the stuff in your pool bc he can sue you in small claims court. It is also best not to make enemies bc he can ruin your reputation online or something. Just make a clean break and do not let your justified anger take control and lead to a decision you might regret. You are better off without this guy so celebrate with some drinks or ice cream after he takes his stuff. If he is that willing to walk away it is another sign you are doing the right thing.

    Also, have you ever heard of this “friend” of his before? You are right that his story sounds like a bunch of bs. Good riddance.

    #612135 Reply

    Nelly

    I have heard of this friend before, but I didn’t know her name, and he has mentioned that she has cancer. That’s also how I know he’s slept with her before. I just don’t understand why he couldn’t have said hello or was cordial. Unless he’s still banging her. And from her lack of reaction, she may know he has a gf, and just doesn’t care. It may be the only ass she can get.

    #612147 Reply

    alia

    Deliver his stuff to her house.

    #612149 Reply

    Shannon

    I think this is mad shady, both his behavior AND hers. If I was out with a committed man and KNEW she had a problem with our friendship, I would make sure to introduce myself and be nice to her and let her know I was respectful of her relationship. Not give her an attitude and behave the way I did.

    #612150 Reply

    Shannon

    Hmm.

    I’m pretty good at stalking people online with very little to go on.

    DOes he have a Facebook? Can you see his friends? See if she’s one of them.

    Does he have any people that would be mutual friends of them both? See if THEIR friends can be seen and if she’s on there.

    Do you know her hometown or where she went to school or what year she graduated? Google all of that with her first name.

    #612153 Reply

    Cari

    I would just give him his stuff and go. No sense in keeping it from him. Besides, do you want his stuff remaining in your place?

    #612160 Reply

    Shoshannah

    I’m not sure if this is a deal breaker. I guess I would give him a chance to explain himself – ask questions, see how he reacts. But I find their behavior totally odd, hers especially. Having lunch is one thing, but if I saw my friend’s gf, I would probably be like ‘oh so nice to finally meet you, would you like a coffee/pint?’ After 8 months and plans of moving in together, all of his friends should be at least aware of your existence. I haven’t been dating my guy that long, and my impression is he brags about it all the time to everyone and anyone (even a bit too much, even my own, personal boss – I don’t know how – seems to know something)

    #612161 Reply

    Shoshannah

    And Shannon, tanks so much for your ‘stalking’ suggestions! I will definitely implement them is I ever need to 🙂

    #612170 Reply

    Nelly

    @Alia- I love that idea. The next time he asks when he can get his stuff I will tell him that. I guess you guys are right, I need to return it. It’s expensive though, and I enjoy making him sweat a little after all of this.

    @Shannon- I love your stalking school too! He’s already de-friended me and he has his friends list as “private” anyway. Maybe that should’ve been a red flag right away. I also agree with you about the friend’s behavior. I can’t think of a good reason to act like that. So, I still don’t think he’s telling me the truth about any of it.

    @Shoshannah- I’m giving him every opportunity to talk to me about it. I didn’t block him, he’s got my number. I’m not reaching out to him though! I said my piece and he said I was right for feeling that way. He hasn’t tried to make it right. He hasn’t really apologized either. I’m open to it, his lack of initiative is telling too.

    @Kia- You’re right. I guess I should just thank my lucky stars I found out now before he wasted anymore of my time.

    #612549 Reply

    Nelly

    Hi ladies!

    Just wanted to give an update. The bf has apologized and apologized. Says he handled the situation completely wrong and promises that he’s not cheating with her. He said he didn’t know what to do when I confronted them so he thought getting out of there would be the best thing. I’ve asked to talk with the friend, but he’s refused, saying that’s she’s too sick and wants nothing to do with the situation. That doesn’t make me feel very secure. I’m so confused as to what to do at this point. I want to believe him, but I’m scared he’s playing me for a fool. Am I stupid to continue this?

    #612556 Reply

    Ash

    Regardless of whether he’s telling the truth or not, he’s still s*** at problem solving and doesn’t know how to communicate properly with you beforehand.

    Perhaps what it boils down to now, is he the kind of man you even still want to be with? If he is, could you ever forgive him or would you find yourself unable to trust him again?

    If you really want to give him another chance, keep your eyes open and make sure his actions back up his words big time. If he shows no interest in resolving your broken trust and improving his lack of communication, he’s not worth keeping.

    #612578 Reply

    Tallspicy

    Men are no longer allowed to have lunch with women who are not their girlfriends? Unless he was making out with her, your friend who told you is a drama creator, and you overreacted spectacularly.

    #612580 Reply

    Sam

    I can’t beleive you would ask this question, makes me wonder about your other judgment..
    This feels like a dramatic and false post, and if not,, you aren’t too bright are you?

    #612586 Reply

    Molly

    You have the right to react and feel the way you are now! He is being secretive. If he sincerely wants to be with you, then he would overcome his feelings and tell you the truth.

    Also, you’ve dated him for 8 months but did you already knew him well before the relationship?

    #612608 Reply

    Sherri

    I agree that he did not react well.

    But if I were him and was having lunch with a sick friend and then my bf came and accosted us especially if that friend is sick, I wouldn’t take too kindly to that. It wouldn’t matter that I had slept with that friend or not. The fact of the matter was that I was not sleeping with her now and that I was in a relationship.

    The thing is … it is plain to see that you do not trust your bf. So no point in getting back together with him ever again as it is not better the situation.

    I think both of you created too much drama to a situation that could have been easily resolved.

    Have you been cheated on before? Has he ever cheated on you?

    If he has never cheated on you but you have been cheated on before, looks like you are looking for him to atone the sins of your past bfs.

    #612614 Reply

    K8

    Really? If he was cheating, do you really think he would go to a restaurant right near your house, where your friend works? Would he respond to your text when hes with another woman? Ok, some guys might, but most wont. It sounds to me like your BF just handled things wrong. I understand why you were upset, but confronting him and the woman was unjustified. call him out on it later, once youve calmed down a bit and are better able to talk rationally.

    #612616 Reply

    Cari

    It kinda sounds like you’re going to give it another chance.

    Well if you do, going forward, I’m sure you’ll proceed with caution.

    It IS kinda convenient how the “sick friend” refuses to involved herself in this situation though.

    You clearly do not trust him. If you get back involved with him, could you imagine how it will be day in and day out thinking about why you don’t trust him though?

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