Follow-up on previous FWB post – I’ve caught feeling

If a guy likes you and like to see if you can be a couple there is nothing you can say that can make him change his mind. Its the guys that dont want a relationship that will feel you come on too strong. So there is nothing to lose. Tall lady worded it already: i wasnt excepted to feel interested in exploring a relationship with but i realize now i do. How do feel about it. And then shut up. Let him do the talking.
There are just a few things you need to think about beforehand. What will you do when its a vague ‘i like how we are, take it slow, i dont want to hurt you, you deserve better, Yeah maybe baby bladibla? I suggest at that point you stop sleeping with him, because continue will only hurt you more. As you had this convo three times already before.
And thats the second point. Yes he shows invested but like stated before guys can do that and still dont want to commit. Just prepare.
I do think getting clarity is best as what good will come if you get more and more feelings without being a couple: it gets you nothing except a few good times. Good luck

The magic question here is – How are you going to feel if you ask him and he starts backpedaling, acting shifty or cold, or flat out says – Hey I thought we both understood what this is? Because if you’re cool continuing to develop feelings and being intimate with a guy who has zero plans to lock you down – you have nothing to lose, and you can just enjoy the sweetness. But I would say just be prepared and have your mind made up prior to bringing up about what it is that
YOU WANT.

And sadly, not one of the sweet boyfriendish behaviors absolutely means anything may have changed for him. You would not BELIEVE how loving and attentive an emotionally unavailable man can be when he feels NO pressure from the woman, expectations are non existent and he’s told her where he stands. Sometimes more loving than actual boyfriends because men who’ve given the title know that behavior like that is addictive to anyone and they’d have to keep it up all the time LOL. Meanwhile men who won’t or can’t commit know they can lavish you with attention, then dip out whenever they choose because you’re.on.board.with.that.

“You would not BELIEVE how loving and attentive an emotionally unavailable man can be when he feels NO pressure from the woman, expectations are non existent and he’s told her where he stands.” – T

I second, third, and fourth this SO HARD, and had it happen to me with a FWB. You’re getting good advice both here and in the last thread, too. Use Tallspicy’s recommendations!

Thank you spicy, I will try that. I’m nervous for silly reasons, but I think your approach is the best way to tackle it

I hope you will update us, as it is something so many women struggle with. How to read a guys interest level. Im not positive about it, but who knows. I thought about it and my main reasons are he makes no effort to become a part of your life. He only claims a part of it. He likes to be with you when you dont have the children. Really invested guys also make it clear they want to be in your future, talk in ‘we’ sentences, want to know your kids in a proper time line. That sort of stuff. I understand you feel you and he are maybe the exception but from your post i didnt get any of that. Thats why its important for you to know beforehand what to do. Or simply take a time out.

Just remember there is no shame in being attracted to someone. Its natural. I have asked for clarifications a few times and i always felt better afterwards (it was always a no) because i knew where i stood. And the guys were always gentle. You wont die😄 take care

This is so tough! Good luck with this. You’ve received such great advice on this thread. I think asking for clarification is a good idea– if you don’t get the response you want, it will help you detach. You certainly can’t continue as you are. You’ll drive yourself crazy if you stay in this situation, with growing emotional attachment to this guy, and he is not on the same page at all. So yes, please do it for your emotional health. You deserve clarity one way or another.

And you deserve a relationship with a guy who is “all in” the way Newbie described– a guy who invests in you emotionally, thinks of the future, wants to meet your kids eventually, talks in “we” sentences. You will never find that if you are emotionally entangled with this guy. I spent several years entangled in a situationship with an ex-boyfriend who was supposedly a friend– but we were more than friends– you know how it goes. We slept together, I was his emotional rock, we spent an enormous amount of time together, I was basically his girlfriend without the title. I tried dating during that time period but I was not emotionally open or available, all my energy was focused on my situationship, so it never really went anywhere. Once I woke up and freed myself from that situation, I was in a totally different mindset. Not too long after that, I met my current bf who I’ve been with for 3 years. The difference is night and day, and now I can’t even fathom why I stayed in that other situation so long. I’m so glad I shook it off when I did. I think you will be too, as scary as it seems now, in the long run it doesn’t serve you to give a lot of emotional energy to a guy who is not equally invested in you. Good luck with this and please keep us posted!