First Date: girl paying cheque

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This topic contains 76 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Polie 1 year, 1 month ago.

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  • #627749 Reply



    I was in conversation with a girl for 2 months..and I flew to her city (booked my hotel , flying tickets) to meet her. She insisted on splitting the cost of my travel but I didn’t do that…but she took me out and almost all the time she insisted and ended up paying for our meals.
    Do girls generally pay for people meeting them first time. I read couple of posts that they pay for their half…but do they pay everytime for both? and that too luxury one’s one was her choice the other mine…but she paid.

    is this girl and exception? gold digger? feminist? can’t really understand..

    I hope to get some good advice from people out here :)

    #627750 Reply


    1) feminist
    2) paranoid that she would “owe” you something
    3) lousy at receiving
    4) nervous and acting out of character
    5) people pleaser
    6) maybe not interested in you romantically

    Gold digger? No.

    #627752 Reply


    she said being the host it’s her responsibility..and because i didn’t let her sahre the cost of travel and all…it’ on her…

    #627753 Reply


    OK. Guessing that is a people pleaser then. Not at all normal behavior for a female.

    #627755 Reply


    Hey Raj

    I usually pay for both…but I can’t really tell what her logic is behind this.
    I pay because I find it mean for paying for myself, in your case it feels she was just trying to share the cost and didn’t want you to feel pain on your pocket.

    i would say that’s sweet and confident :)

    #627756 Reply


    Kitty why isn’t it normal ?? rofl

    #627757 Reply


    No, normally a woman doesn’t pay the check on a first date. However in your situation there were plane tickets and a hotel room expense just to meet her. So she felt it only fair if she paid fo the meals since your expenses to meet her were much more. I would probably do the same. She’s just being considerate. Certainly not a gold digger, not sure you understand what that means!!

    #627758 Reply


    Never heard of any woman behaving that way – trying to pay half travel costs and then insisting on paying for dinners. It’s not a bad thing. To me it’s just a bit over the top.

    #627759 Reply


    That’s interesting Kaye. I don’t know any woman who would behave that way. It wouldn’t occur to me. I’m worth traveling to meet. :) I’d probably offer to pick up the next meal under the circumstances. But I wouldn’t be so insistent. And I wouldn’t be insisting I’m the host.

    #627760 Reply


    If someone spent a lot of money to travel to see me I’d probably treat them to dinner, that seems pretty reasonable!
    i make great money and don’t think it’s the “mans” job to pay. I don’t know if I’m unusual, but it’s how I feel

    #627762 Reply


    What I find unusual is trying to pay for half his travel and being very insistent on paying for all the meals. Again, not saying it’s wrong. It’s just not letting a man be a man IMO. I’m a traditionalist.

    Raj, how are you going to feel if she keeps this up?

    #627764 Reply



    I don’t know Katie..I googled it and couldn’t find a single post where girls end up paying for both…i told her to split or share …so out of three days it was like 2 on her one on me kinda alternate.

    any guys out there?? how would have you felt ? what kind of girl is this??

    #627765 Reply


    It sounds logic to me. If you spent money travelling, the least I could do is pay for dinner.

    In my case, even when I go out for dinner with a guy….I have end up paying. If going out continues, then should take turns to pay. That’s how I see it and do it….but I’m Latina so…you never know.

    #627771 Reply


    Not saying she should have paid his dinner etc but I get where the idea comes from. I would also offer to pay for a lot of the food etc if someone paid for air fare and accommodation to meet me.

    Could be that she has a little bit of low self-esteem going and feels guilty for making you spend so much money for a first date.

    I know I would. But I also have e low self-esteem so it makes sense 😅

    Not sure if there’s a dating etiquette for LD dating to figure this one out.

    #627779 Reply



    You paid for the air fair and accomodation to meet her.

    To me it seems normal that she insisted to pay your meals.

    It shows appreciation and gratitude.

    If you don’t like that, go date girls who will make you pay for everything. Because that one is not a girl. She is a confident woman.

    #627799 Reply


    She may simply feel that because you went to all the expense and trouble of flying to meet her by paying for the rest she’s reciprocating and equalizing things. I actually think she’s displaying good manners.

    #627804 Reply


    You should feel nice that she wanted to treat you since you took the pains to come and meet her. That was nice of her. But it does reek of low self worth. If you can deal with it and had a good time then go ahead and date her. You clearly didn’t like it that’s​ why you are posting here so let her be, date others.

    #627810 Reply


    Who cares? Did you get lucky?

    #627830 Reply


    I agree with Kitty and pi. It’s too much and it’s kind of masculine behavior. I don’t think it’s good manners, I think it’s low self esteem OR a way of keeping you at arm’s length and not creating any obligation whatsoever, neither of which is attractive and that’s why you’re uncomfortable and posting for advice. Good manners with friends and good manners with dating are two completely different things, and sometimes women get confused about the two and do the wrong thing – trying to be liked and trying to be a good girl.

    A lady would have not have tried to pay half a gentleman’s travel costs and would have graciously accepted the first dinner and offered to pay for a meal after that but not been aggressive in insisting on it. I see why Raj feels confused and perhaps put off for reasons he may not be able to articulate.

    #627835 Reply


    For those of you who think this is good manners or behavior… note Raj’s reaction. You can poo-poo this if you want, but men are built to protect and provide and this girl blocked him from the enjoyment and satisfaction of doing that.

    #627837 Reply


    We just have his side of a very short story.

    Come on….

    Maybe he wanted to “pay” for some action. Consciously or not.

    #627838 Reply


    Seriously Pollie? That’s a stretch. Guy wouldn’t be posting here if that were the case. He’s trying to understand his behavior because it’s confused him. He must have liked her at some level or he wouldn’t be asking.

    #627839 Reply


    He wouldn’t have to travel to “get some.”

    #627841 Reply



    Raj is the guy who flies for meeting a woman he has been talking to for 2 months and also the guy who goes on the Internet to decode her behavior…

    That does not sound very mature to me. Not very manly either.

    #627843 Reply


    I usually notice the question that the OP poses isn’t the real question they want an answer to.

    This doesn’t have to do with a woman paying for anything. What’s the real question or concern you have?

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