Fiance ghosted me… can't cope


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This topic contains 24 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  peggy 1 week, 5 days ago.

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  • #678288 Reply

    Rachel

    Title says it all. My fiancé of a year and boyfriend of 3 years prior just disappeared. It’s been over a week and I don’t know how to go on. We have the money for a house deposit and we’d started to look at houses. I’ve tried everything and he just keeps rejecting my calls. I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t want it to end but I need closure if this is what he wants. I can’t cope and I just don’t know where to turn.



    #678291 Reply

    Emma

    OMG poor you. What horrible things men do these days. What a coward your guy is, complete a-hole!

    If you are sure nothing happened to him, absolutely go and face him! This WILL make you feel better. Do not listen to all this crap about “you don’t need any closure” blah blah. It is sadistic ot be left like this, so take yourself out of it. Do not go to his work, but go to his place and wait for him there and confront the sob! Tell him he is a low life with no balls.

    Do not hope for anything, he understands what he is doing. And he will not be “angry” at you for confronting him, he knows this is the least what he deserves. He is not 12.

    #678294 Reply

    Liza


    What happened to make him do this? Was there a fight or were you having problems in the relationship? Is he having personal problems? I’m very sorry you are going through this but it seems there must be more to the story?

    #678297 Reply

    Raven

    You need to get your money back…
    Sorry this is happening.

    #678299 Reply

    Rachel


    Hi girls,
    No we haven’t had any arguments. The last time we saw each other was when he stayed at mine; i made his lunch and then we both went to work. It was just one of our typical mornings. We have been fine, we haven’t made wedding plans yet as we both said we’d like to get a house first and we’ve been saving so much to afford a deposit. Our families spent Xmas together and there was no indication at all of anything being wrong. I asked a mutual friend if they had heard from him and they said (on the first evening that he didn’t contact) that they’d been for a drink together and he seemed fine. So I said back oh I haven’t heard from him and now the so called mutual friend has gone radio silent too! Even when his dad died he rang to tell me, so if he does have something personal going on, I would have thought he’d have let me know. We’re still friends on social media and engaged on our relationship statuses. I don’t know whether he is waiting for me to change mine or whether he just hasn’t thought about that. I don’t know who to turn to or what to do..

    #678301 Reply

    Hannah

    Why doesn’t you go and find him and ask what’s going on? This isn’t a causal relationship, it’s serious serious. I would definitely want answers.

    #678315 Reply

    b

    are you sure he’s okay? it seems odd he’d disappear without a trace.. .i’d be concerned he was sick or in an accident, etc.

    regardless, you know where he lives, right? i’d go to his house and demand answers.

    #678319 Reply

    Aida

    If nothing happened to precipitate this I don’t understand why you think he ghosted…have you checked hospitals? Called his family? Maybe he and the friend were in a car accident?

    Do you live together and he didn’t come home? Have you been to his place?

    It’s terrible he hasn’t contacted you in a week, but after 4 years together I wouldn’t jump just yet to him ghosting you.

    Also, the very first night he didn’t contact you you checked with his friend to see if he’d heard from him…do you normally talk every single day?

    It seems like you left so much information out.

    #678325 Reply

    peggy

    Hi-Sorry,this is an awful situation. I would send him/leave him a message that says ” I am worried and confused,that I can’t get in touch/have not heard from you. If I do not hear from you in 24 hours-I am going to the police,as I will assume something has happened to you.” That should get him to answer, if he has just been avoiding you for some reason. Like the others, I wonder if you could go to his house,call his family etc?

    #678327 Reply

    Helen

    You have to go find him and confront him!
    Is there money behind that?
    Did he take your money for the deposit and then went silent?
    If you cant find him, go to see his parents that’s the best way!!

    #678330 Reply

    Ana

    Can’t say much what’s going on in his mind, but definitely wanna say how I am feeling you, sorry you are going thru this, and support you and hug you all the way from Finland.
    I’ve heard many guys may pull back closer to an importnat life turnover such as wedding, and that the best strategy is giving him space, waiting until he go thru his emotions and comes back to you for good. But this also doesn’t feel like your situation, so yeah I would definitely keep trying finding ways to see him.
    In any way, if he leaves, you will be just MUCH better without such a jerk in your life! Better now than after wedding/kids.. In a while you will be fine! It hurts like hell being betrayed this way so I wish you to sort out soon and get your answers.
    Hugs lady <3

    #678340 Reply

    alia

    That’s really odd. You deserve an explanation, so find him and see what’s happening. Maybe he is depressed or drinking and needs help. Not that you want to necessarily marry him after this stint, but he probably needs your help right now.

    #678356 Reply

    Juliette

    Any news yet?

    #678384 Reply

    Umm

    I’m not buying this story. Too many holes. No one just stops contact and you can’t find him? At home? Work? He isn’t really a fiancé if all he did was save up your money, not plan a wedding and then stop contact with you. Go look for him. Why would you call, a friend and not his family?

    #678478 Reply

    Rachel

    Update:
    Sorry for not including many details in my first post. I just am at such a loss. We text during our work days, whether thats conversation or just sending each other funny memes that remind us of each other. We spend most nights together so this is completely abnormal behaviour. I called his sister today. She said she had been expecting me to call as she had heard from him saying that he had ended things. Sister apologised and said that she will say he needs to give me an explanation. It wasn’t a very long conversation. I don’t know whether to turn up at his place but I just don’t know if I can face the rejection. If he’s told his sister that it is over between us then that’s his decision. I just don’t know what to do. This is so hurtful and I didn’t know anybody could do this after so long together.

    #678484 Reply

    Jan

    Why are you talking to friends and family and not him? You know where he lives? Go see him. You said there were money issues involved. So instead of calling his sister you should be calling him and making sure this fund of house money you supposedly are saving gets back to you. I think you are leaving out details to this story because I’m sure there were clues especially silly if you usually spend most nights together and talk every day.
    You let him go a week without contact and now are boo hooing? This is a man you know for 3 years and you won’t go find and talk to him? That’s crazy. The rejection is already happening. So what do you mean you can’t face it.

    #678489 Reply

    kaye

    I know you are hurt. But as someone else said he is already rejecting you, so actually making him face you and tell you it’s over is what you need to do. I wouldn’t for a minute let him get away with this! Make him be a man and tell you to your face it’s over. Not ignore you and go behind your back and tell everyone BUT you that it’s over! You had to know something was up if you text every day and spend most nights together. I don’t understand why you waited so long. But now is the time to get pissed off!! If he was ignoring you so he wouldn’t have to deal with your emotional reaction to him calling it off then he would get it full blast!! I would show up at his house, make him tell me it was over, I would call him every name in the book and tell him what a coward he is for handling things this way, get my stuff, get my share of the house money and keep the engagement ring!! Then I would sell the ring, and take that money and some of the house fund if I needed to go on a vacation to some tropical island with a couple of my closest girlfriends and drink tropical drinks on the beach until I couldn’t remember his name!

    #678524 Reply

    Helen

    Dont listen to friends or sister! Go find him for God’s sake!!!

    #678526 Reply

    Emma

    I am so sorry! I knew this is what he did. Men these days (well some of them). He is a COWARD like no other. You were not seeing each other for 2 months, even then it would be horrible to vanish, but you were engaged. Ghosting you this way and then telling everyone behind your back that he actually ended it… Do what kaye said. And make sure his sister knows he did NOT end it with you but simply ghosted. Send her your messages to him asking where he is. Do not allow him to look good in front of everyone else, saving his face while making you a “crazy” woman. Surely he has the right to break an engagement. But there are normal “humane” ways of doing it.

    You need to do that for YOU. You will regret not doing it later. lots of hugs, you will get over it, once your initial shock is over you’d be glad this coward is not the father of your kids.

    I’d be concerned about the money for the house, given how he “ended” things with you, let us know if he was at least honest and did not steal your half.

    #678545 Reply

    Shoshannah

    This is horrible, I’m so sorry Rachel. I honestly believe that to disappear like this is worse than cheating, so disrespectful.

    #678557 Reply

    NW.

    he cheated.

    #678559 Reply

    redcurleysue

    Yep, something happened. Maybe he found another woman or got cold feet.

    Just remember that things have a way of working out for the best in the long run. Honestly, would you want a man that is capable of doing this to someone? Holy Cow.

    He is a total coward. To not face up to whatever it is after all this time and plans is horrid.

    Truly, consider yourself lucky not to be married to such a person. He has no moral compass or ethical standards. He does not truly feel for anyone but himself…and that is not what any woman wants ultimately.

    You did not dodge a bullet…you dodged a cannon. I am sorry you have to go through this but I really think you are going to come out on top in the long run. I know this is a shock but at some point you are going to get really angry…and rightfully so.

    #696698 Reply

    Frances

    I know this is an old post but, Rachel my God! I hope you are handling it much better by now. And for everyone else saying to go to his house and scream at him and call him names, please don’t. Save yourself the dignity and respect that he is trying to strip you from, and move on. Pick up the pieces day by day, week by week, month by month. It may be hard to trust again, but that is why there is therapy. Consider yourself lucky to have this man out of your life. I know of women who were left AFTER marriage and kids. You are lucky that you are free from this soulless creature.

    #697157 Reply

    Anon

    I lived with a boyfriend, who one day told me he’s quickly going to visit his folks. I smiled and said bye. He told me it’s not goodbye, he’ll be right back, he loves me more than anything in the world. Then he never came home again. Wouldn’t answer calls. Read messages but didn’t respond, etc. There was no indication prior to this. We had always been a very healthy happy couple. A few weeks later I packed up all his stuff and left the boxes in the garage. 3 Months later, he called and wanted to come see me to talk it out. I told him to sod off, come pick up his things when I’m not home. He showed up at my house. I refused to let him in. He eventually came and picked up his stuff from my home whilst i was at work. He kept on calling for a year. I never gave him the light of day. Until today, 3 years later, I have no idea why he just disappeared on me like that. Frankly I don’t care either. You have to be a dick to do that to someone you supposedly love. That’s answer enough for me

    #697184 Reply

    peggy


    Hey,Anon-sorry that happened to you. Impressed by your attitude. You were/are smart. No time for someone who is so cowardly and of poor character to do that. I hope you have a man deserving of you now.

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