This topic contains 5 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Hannah 10 months ago.
June 19, 2017 at 9:16 am #635296
So my ex and I recently got back together. Everything is okay. I’m not seeing him every week like he wants, I’m putting limits on when we hang out, to start out slow. We’ve discussed issues from the past, and are very understanding of what’s happening.
Here’s the issue: Recently, I’m hanging out again, since my schedule is freeing up again (I’m in school for my masters) and so I get home late. On the nights I get home, I’ll send him a text. and he’ll let me know when he’s home. However, on the nights I’m home at 4am, he doesn’t answer, then has an attitude the next day. He says i’m not taking care of myself, and I feel pressure to lie when I get in. However, he’s out till 11, and I don’t really care.
I’m not sure what to make of this since he wasn’t like this before. We aren’t living together, and I haven’t even seen him in a week and a half. He was at a bday party two nights a row, didn’t invite me. Am I supposed to just not have a life? Then he asked me the other day who i was dating. He wanted to hang out, but had asked me an hour before he wanted to meet. I already had plans. He doesn’t know how to do things ahead of time…and I can be spontaneous but sometimes I can;t.
he’s just confusing me…June 19, 2017 at 9:45 am #635310
You got back together, but apparently everything is NOT okay. You say you discussed issues from the past and yet ALREADY there are more issues! You want to start out SLOW, but you wonder why he didn’t invite you to the parties. He gets angry if you’re out late and thinks you’re dating other men. He doesn’t give you proper notice to hang out and you’re upset about that. Sounds like you need to have ANOTHER discussion!June 19, 2017 at 10:00 am #635313
Why are you dealing with an ex who obviously isn’t wanting to see much of you or include you in reindeer games?June 19, 2017 at 10:57 am #635334
People always put pressure on each other. It is important to learn to manage it. Communicate with him, but do not use texting for this. Texting is going to ruin your chances. Pick up the phone and call him and talk. This is where overcommunicating is better than undercommunicating. When you talk your voice, your intonation and how you say things would matter more than what you are saying. Plus you simply can explain things better, in 2 minutes of talking you can explain more than in 3 pages of writing. When people talk, they have each other’s undivided attention. When you text, those texts or emails arrive at inappropriate times. I think by now we all know that texting ruins things so take care not to do that.
Reassure him that you are not dating anyone else, that you want to take it slow because you want things to work out, to give each other time and learn how to manage issues. Tell him that when he does not reply to you it makes you feel that he doesn’t care. Tell him that you feel that if you doesn’t give you a notice it is because he does not value you enough to think about things in advance. Be nice and speak from your heart if you want things to work out.June 19, 2017 at 2:03 pm #635387
Doesn’t look like things are going to work out again. If you at the point where you feel like you have to lie to him about when you are getting home there are two issues at hand.
1. You are not sticking to the limits you’ve set on him and haven’t established appropriate boundaries with him. You can stay out as late as you like and honestly it’s none of his business.
2. Trust is an issue on the table to the point he’s asking you who are you dating – unless this is not an exclusive relationship.
Why did you guys break up before?June 19, 2017 at 2:19 pm #635395
You’re not actually back together if you’re acting that way. You’re trying and I think it will fail. You both seem to want to hang on to your single lives but hang onto each other in the background.
Either you’re both hanging on for comfort or he is and you’re accepting something you’re not happy with.
Have you really discussed the issues that caused to break up? What were your joint plans for fixing them?