Home › Forums › Texting Advice › Drunk Texted an Ex FWB and Now I Feel Awkward! Help!
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Bianca.
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Bianca
So long story short: I was basically friends with benefits with this guy that i work with. At first I wanted a relationship with him, but he said that he didnt want anything serious. I knew that that is a HUGE red flag so I ended things because I didnt want to get too attached and then hurt in the end. He was nice about everything and he said that he still thinks I’m a nice and cool girl. He’s always still nice to me at work and he will be friendly and talkative so its not weird or anything. We recently made out at a friend’s party and that sort of reignited the idea that we should be fwb again but I decided to stick with what I thought was right at the time and say no. He was okay with everything and we were still cool with each other at work.
HOWEVER…I had a girls’ night the other night and we all got pretty drunk. I was telling my friends about how I was talking to a couple of guys but that I didnt feel all that interested in them. I told them that I really had a crush on the old fwb. I just got out of a 3 year relationship with a guy that I am no longer interested in personality wise, and by contrast, the fwb has like EVERYTHING I am interested in personality wise (confident, funny, smart, responsible, etc.).
My friends basically encouraged me to try out being fwb with that guy again since I’m single, I still want to “play the field”, but also I like the fwb guy as well. I was drunk but I really think it makes sense in all honesty. I do want the option to talk to any guy who I want, but I do really like the fwb guy plus we had REALLY GREAT SEX.
I ended up texting him at like 2am (but he’s out of town on vacation right now). I just said something along the lines of “Hey, I like you and I know I said that I said that I didnt want to have sex anymore with anyone unless I’m dating them, but I think that we had really great sex and that we should just do that casually and it wont be a big deal. Plus I’m talking to other guys too so you dont have to worry about it getting serious or anything. And I know its weird to text you so late and you probably think I’m really drunk but I actually mean it.”
He never replied to that text and now I feel really awkward!! He normally takes a long time to respond so I didnt think it was a big deal at first but its been like 3 days and he hasnt answered. He normally ALWAYS answers within a day at the latest. So now idk what to do. I have to work with him on Friday.
Part of me thinks that he just forgot to respond since he sucks at texting and he has admitted that to me. I want to believe this part because he always wanted to be fwb from the start and I was the one who wanted to be more serious. So I would assume he would be all for a fwb with me. Plus he’s told me like a week and a half ago that he thinks I’m really sexy, nice, smart, etc.
But I don’t understand why he wouldnt respond! Why wouldnt he just say yes or no? He’s the type of guy who I’ve had really mature discussions with him about “what we are” and he had no problem in the past expressing himself so I dont understand why he couldnt have just told me “no thanks” if he wasnt feeling it anymore instead of just not responding.
When I go to work on Friday I plan on just acting like nothing happened I guess?
Should I text him again? or should I just let it go? & What do you think is going on?
Ali
Well first of all, you made the right call by ending things so you wouldn’t get too attached. I’ve never done a FWB, but I’ve had friends who have and there have tons of girls on this forum wanting to know how to turn their FWB into something more. But the answer is always the same- when a man says he doesn’t want anything serious, believe him and walk away cause that ain’t changing. Yea you really like, but he doesn’t like you enough to commit. And you deserve to find that awesome guy who will. He’s out there. But you won’t find him if you get attached and focus on the wrong guy.
Second of all, that text you sent was just kind of awkward. Maybe he just didn’t know how to reply. Or Maybe he’s on vacation and didn’t receive it? I hear that happens?
Idk if I were you, I’d just act like nothing happened and see if he brings it up.
And also if I were you, I’d leave my phone is my purse next time!
Bianca
Thanks Ali!
With the first text, I was just trying to be direct and nonchalant. I didnt think it was THAT awkward considering we’ve talked about our status pretty bluntly before but then again who knows! It might have come off as weird or something. :/
I ended up texting him again anyways (oops?). I only said something like “Hey, so its really not a big deal to me, but I’m hoping that you could answer me one way or the other so that I know what to think when I see you at work next.”
He’s texted me mulitple times in a row before if I dont answer quickly so I figured it wouldnt be that bad of me to ask for a response since its been a couple of days. It’s been an hour or so and he still hasnt answered me so idk maybe he just doesnt have reception? but I honestly have no idea what’s going on! :O
Talllady
The challenge, I believe is that the more you say it is no big deal, the more you mean it is a big deal. This was not a conversation to have over text. It was one to have in person or by phone. 2 am? Oh sweetie!
Also , he knows you like him more than the fwb, so you are compromising yourself. Good men will not mess around with women who like them more.
He is showing you with his non response that he is not interested.
Bianca
UPDATE:
He ended up answering me and he was really nice about it all but he said that “things have changed for him” so that the doenst think it would work out. He wants to explain to me in person what has changed for him so I’m assuming he’s going to tell me when I see him next at work. I’m sorta nervous; Idk why he couldnt just tell me whatever he’s gonna say over text message you know? It just seems dramatic to make me wait until I see him next for him to just let me know why he’s changed his mind. I honestly don’t think the situation is that big of a deal. Yeah I’m a little disappointed and my pride is a little hurt because I put myself out there, but at the same time I was only suggesting a fwb, not like proclaiming my love for him anything crazy. So I really don’t think its that big of a deal. However, I am curious what he is going to say. I feel like he’s gonna tell me that he’s dating another girl now or he’s getting back together with an ex gf or something. IDK why he couldn’t just text me that though, it will probably be more awkward for me if he says that to my face. Now I have to prepare myself to just “be cool” and nonchalant about whatever he ends up telling me. :/
talllady
If he texted you, would would upset that he texted you – he can’t win here since you are somewhat hurt. There is 100% chance he is dating someone else. And he is being very kind in deciding to talk to you about it in person.
Sweety, learn your value and if you want a relationship, don’t cave on that. You will always feel like you gave away the farm…
Bianca
Honestly, I would like it if he just would tell me through text lol. Since its not like we were dating, I dont think he even owes me an explanation, so I think its nice that he is offering me one. But I guess I just think it would be less awkward for me if he just would text it to me because then I would have time to let whatever he ends up saying sink it and then I would have time to think of a cool and collective response. I know whatever he ends up telling me is going to be something that I obviously don’t want to hear so when he says it to my face, I feel like I’m just gonna have to really be on my toes about processing it quickly and coming up with a chill response quickly; this way it wont look like I was all that disappointed ya know? The last thing I want to look like is a girl that got too attached to quickly and now I’m upset because he doesnt want to be my fwb anymore. Although I’ll admit I did have a crush on him, I always came off non-chalant and not clingy so I would like to keep that image.
But yeah I agree. I am a relationship type of girl. But I did just get out of a 3 year relationship and I want to play the field to see what else is all out there. But also I did like that guy and we already had sex in the past, so I figured it would be a convenient way to get good sex with a nice and trustworthy guy while also having the opportunity to play the field. The only reason I even became fwb with this guy before was because I knew him from work for almost about 9 months before anything even happened and I knew that he was a trustworthy and kind guy. I definitely don’t think I would ever have casual sex with someone that I wasn’t REALLY good friends with for a long time like in this situation. Then I would definitely feel like I was being used.
tallady
just practice being prepared for whatever he might say. You get to practice your cool, calm and collected response:
I am seeing someone
I am with my ex
I like sleeping with animals
I am gay
I am entering the priesthood
Just imagine the worst thing he can say to you and simply say – “While that is disappointing, I totally understand. Best of luck, and looking forward to seeing you in the office. Thanks for being so open about where you are, that was a really nice thing”
Bianca
Hahahah I liked your examples of what he might say :)
Yeah that’s true. I should just already exactly what I’m going to say planned. I think I’ll say something like “Oh I see, well I can understand that. Thanks for being so nice about everything and taking the time to explain it to me.” (basically what you said but in my own words. Does that sound okay?
Bianca
I should just get*
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