Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Does he still want me?
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Mary.
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Laura
I’ve been talking and seeing this guy for a few weeks. He seemed pretty interested , keeping communication daily, wanting to talk to me often and making plans to see me often.
Some days ago we made out pretty hard and did a bunch of stuff, we had gotten to the point of almost having sex. But I stopped him cause I felt like it was too soon, he was a bit bummed and said he was already hard and it would be unfair on both of us.
I refused and he agreed but then came pretty awkward silences the rest of the day.
Now I know I shouldn’t have let it get to that point but the sexual tension is much between us and I didn’t even realise when we got that far.
It’s been 3 days this happened and he hasn’t made any major move.
He still texts me to check on me, but our texts were usually longer, more interesting, lots of laughs and he always subtly flattered me and all.
Now it’s really just short daily check in texts and he hasn’t asked if he could see me.
I can’t help but think that he maybe only wanted sex but also not sure why he keeps contact still.
Is he still texting me just so it doesn’t seem like he is an assh*le or does he still want me but is still turned off my what happened.
I know what I did was unfair , I’m not proud if it, is there anything I can do to reverse this and get things back as before?
I was thinking of being the one to text him today and see if he makes any move to see me or if he lets the conversation run longer.Laura
Update: I spoke to him and stated that things shouldn’t have gotten as far as almost having sex, that I shouldn’t have put myself in that position but I also shouldn’t have lead him on that far if I wasn’t going to do anything or atleast made it clear from the start and that I like to get closer before I decide if I want sex or not.
He said he wasn’t worried and also apologised for allowing it get that far.
But I also still wonder if there could ever be more between us because I actually like him and would love for us to know eachother more.Maddie
This is very important: what you did was NOT unfair. It is always okay for you to say no, no matter the reason.
I faced the same perceived pressure when I was younger, but the entire concept of women owing men sex (especially to avoid blue b*lls) is a myth. Yes, it’s frustrating, yes, it’s uncomfortable, NO, it doesn’t cause damage beyond that. If it was that physically uncomfortable for him, he could have (and probably did) finished himself off when he got home. Your emotional comfort and boundaries are just as important as his comfort, so you did not owe him an apology for having your own needs. Mutual respect is key to healthy relationships. And good men do NOT pressure women for sex! They can express their desire and needs, and that’s fine and healthy, but not as pressure. They can even tell you that they feel they have waited long enough and if you’re not ready to take the next step with them physically that they’re going to move on without you, and that’s fine, too. Or they can do it without saying it. It’s all good, let them go if they’re like that towards you!
If this incident fundamentally changed your interactions, then listen to your gut that he’s more interested in sex than anything else. In that case, this isn’t a match because you’re not on the same time frame around when you’re both ready for it. Maybe he’s thinking about it and he’ll rebound from it and start showing up again for you. But if he doesn’t, then even though it’s going to feel bad as it fades out, let him go. It will create space for someone who is looking to progress at a better speed for you. Give him the chance to show you who he is and what he’s all about, and he will. You don’t need to doubt or blame yourself for not moving faster than you’re comfortable with in the meantime!
M
Yes, I agree one million percent with what Maddie said.
I do like his last response after you talked to him, but let’s see how he shows up from now on. Can he treat you respectfully and be willing to get to know you better at your pace so you can build something beautiful together? Or is he a one-trick pony running a single-track race?
Stay in the moment, continue to be you and discover who he is in his essence….
Laura
I understand that. It’s not like I was apologising.
I only expressed my concerns about the situation cause I felt like I shouldn’t even have let it get that far. I felt like since I didn’t want sex, I should have let us do everything up to getting naked and then refuse sex . So that’s why I told him all that to let him know I didn’t purposely wanna lead him on but it just happened that way and I’d prefer if we got to know each other first.
So it wasn’t really an apology even though it might have sounded like one. But I just also wanted moving forward that he knows I’m not down for just sex.
I guess I’d just wait and see how it unfoldsM
It sounds like you’ve both dealt with it maturely. If anything can get you on track it’s this last conversation then. It’s superb that you were able to speak honestly and that he responded so well. Fingers crossed, hope you continue to get to know each other and have fun in the process x
Laura
Yes , Thank you and fingers crossed x
Mary
It sounds like he is attempting to manipulate you into needy behavior to get sex.
Mary
Correction…into a needy mindset.
Mary
Honestly, if he is into you, it doesn’t matter what happened. Just keep the focus on yourself.
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