Does he still have feelings for me? Should i stop hoping and just let go?


Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals Does he still have feelings for me? Should i stop hoping and just let go?

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  • #359669 Reply
    Beatrice

    Hi im a new member here. I really wanna seek advice from you guys.. Really appreciate if you could actually relpy to this.:)

    i have dated this guy, we dated for almost 5months. He was a sweet guy, for that 5months there wasn’t a day that we dont see each other (he was the one doing all this efforts, he wanted it and insisted it) he would be bring me food to my apartment, meet my mom and friends. While on His part i only met his sisters, and his best friend and the girl friend. but still For 5months it really went well. I thought our relationship will go further, until one day i opened up to him, asked him about our status, he said he loves me, n he is serious to me but just wasn’t ready. He doesn’t want commitment, cause he still want the freedom to explore, or like finding himself (i just dont get it, explore? Like meeting other girl?). So then, we both agree to stop dating but remind friends. To be honest it breaks my heart, i felt like shuttering into pieces but what can i do, i cant force someone to commit, and love me the way i wanted to be loved. Although were still friends, i know were both sad and it went awkward for few months. We just contact each other occasionally.

    After few months (maybe about 3), we started to hang out again, but not like b4, bit change (not the dating stuff), instead it was more like a friendly sporty hangout, we play badminton, went jogging, etc.. Until the day (last june) im leaving the city, going back to my province (by plane) to review for my dental licensure exam. Since im far, again we kept in contact occasionally.

    Recently(just last saturday) i went back to the city for few days. I was with him again for my last night in the city. Ofcourse little catch up again, went Dinner, we went for movie (he is not a movie person so i was a bit surprised when he said lets watch a movie) and few drinks the usual things do before. When i thought were going home, we passby his friends, he introduced me to them. it was my 1st time to meet his whole group after all this year (as i mentioned earlier i only met his best friend and the girl friend of his bestfriend. And before when i ask him i wanna meet his friend he used to reason out boys night out, or nxt time blabla) so i was surprised again when i finally met them. It all went well, i felt welcomed, they even asked me “will we see you again?”

    When we were on our way home, i noticed he was speeding down and he held my hand while he was driving. When we got to my apartment he hugged me, and kissed me on the forehead which he used to do it when we were still dating. Before i went off his car he gave me a kiss, n told me to study hard, pass my exam cause his teeth is waiting for me. I went off with a smile.

    I wanna be honest, that i still have feelings for him. I just dont know if I’m just assuming or really he still have this feelings for me. But how would i know, or how would this make me understand if no words were said? And the problem here after our “stop dating” thing we never talk about our feelings. Its makes me scared to ask him. What should i do? What do u guys think about his action? And does he mean anything by saying “my teeth is waiting for you?” ? Im so confuse right now.

    #359671 Reply
    Conner taylor

    I am in the same boat…im so confused. I have been talking and texting my guy friend for three years…we dated for a year and a half. We called it off but remained friends continuing to talk and text. he assured me he will always be there for me..we will always keep in touch and that we may come together again some day. Well I told him that I was leaving the state. he got a little upset with me and I don’t know why… when we first split up I was good but staying in touch with him made keep the feelings that I had and more..since I told him I was leaving he text me and said that it don’t make since with me leaving and all. I wanted him to say I love you please don’t go but he only said I am gonna miss you… and I haven’t heard form him since but two times…on top of that when I did talk to him he had such an attitude with me. So I told him I was sorry for calling him and that I would not bother him anymore…he says I don’t know what you are trying to say.. and he said have a nice life…I found out that I truly love him and I wasn’t even trying…he was one of the nicest guys ever came my way..If he don’t care nothing for me how come he changed on me…please help me! I don’t have any tears left…what do I do?

    #359672 Reply
    Conner taylor

    No hold on..if u care about him and if he is worth it

    #359675 Reply
    Beatrice

    Conner taylor, have he contact you again? since you said he has this attitude towards you, maybe he just had ia bad day, or something is bothering him too. Try to understand him. And maybe give him some space, so try not to contct him. Let him contact you. If he truely cares, he will..

    #359676 Reply
    Beatrice

    In my situation, I know communication is the best key, but how will i do so, if i have this feeling that he is still not ready or doesnt want to talk about it (our feelings). I love him so much. I know and i can see the good man in him. I wanna hold on as long as i can. But is this the right thing to do? To wait? Or am i just fooling myself?

    #359722 Reply
    Lane

    Hi Ladies.

    The thing with men is they aren’t in touch with their feelings like we are because of how their brains are wired—they really are from MARS and we are from Venus!

    Sometimes they hold back because of fear, intensity, curiosity, or a number of reasons they aren’t able to or won’t tell you. Dating today is much more trickier than before because MEN have found a way to get all the advantages of a GF without having to commit to one! When a lady gives them ALL their attention before a man commits to her, the she’s putting herself in a very weak position.

    Its the LADIES JOB to get a man to feel comfortable enough to open up to her, but if they aren’t continually asking you probing questions on each date “what are your goals?”, “how many kids do you want to have?”, “when do you think of marriage?” then you’re wasting your time on someone who isn’t seeing a potential future with you, especially if they aren’t returning their answer to you so YOU can decide if he’s someone you want to waste anymore time with.

    Dating is about making sure the guy’s intentions for you are true and honest which he does by spending time with you finding out you’re likes, dislikes, qualities, traits, present, future, life goals, etc. and if he sees a good fit he will commit so the BOTH of you can start the journey of working towards them together.

    Bottom line, do not ACT like a GF until you are one, which is WHY you shouldn’t be so available because your too busy dating others so you can properly CHOSE the right guy who’s on the same page as you are. Thrust me, when you find that guy there are NO mixed signals, questions or confusion—if you have them, then he’s not on the same track you are.

    #359724 Reply
    Lane

    I’m going to give you a personal example.

    When I had broken up with my boyfriend, I instantly had several male suitors vying for my attention. I honestly just wanted to have FUN, have no entanglements (sexual or physical), and enjoy some “me time” doing things when I wanted and with whom I wanted. These guys would ask me to join them on activities such as going to the gym, playing pool, go see a movie, watch a band, play poker, and unexpectedly would show when I was playing bingo, at a BBQ, playing softball, etc.

    After a few months there was one guy that I had come to like (wasn’t even my type) and learned from a friend that he had a secret crush on me while I was with my BF. He had a great personality (charming), told me about his life goals, and we talked about general stuff when he would show up from time-to-time like when I was playing bingo, softball, watching a band at the club—but not in a creepy stalkish kind of way, just enough to let me know he was interested because I had told him I wanted some free time to be single for awhile.

    One night I agreed to go to the club to watch a band with him, he bought us drinks and just standing in the back listening. About 20 minutes later, I just took my left hand and stuck it in his back pocket. He looked at me surprised where I just smiled up at him and shook my head yes which was the signal for “I CHOSE YOU”. He was ecstatic and we took off from there, dated exclusively (committed), courted each other for 2.5 years, and married over 20.

    Thing is, when you don’t NEED to be with a man because you’re living a fun life on your own, men instinctively pick up on this vibe. By not spending all my time with one guy, and took my time getting to know them on a personal basis, I was able to PICK the guy I thought had the best qualities out of the others. When a man likes you far more than you like them, and you’re not settling on just one—this is the best dynamic to achieve your goal of finding the RIGHT guy for YOU.

    #359848 Reply
    Beatrice

    Hi lane! Thanks for sharing your lovely story (me jealous! Hehe:) ) and thanks for the advise too, i do need that. This guy i have dated was the one who initiate all the moves, he actually put so much efforts back then, even my mom sisters like him. Im not actually the clingy type of girl wen wer still dating, he has his own time, i have my own time (i said on my 1st post we see other evryday b4, yes its true, but i didnt say it was 27/4, mostly he would just dropby my place just to have lunch or dinner, its either he brings food, or i cook, we’ll then back to own things, we only go out during weekends). our dating days was almost perfect.. But, One day we argue about something and me unconciously lead to this question, when i asked him, he said hes wasnt ready, doesnt want commitment n saying this freedom to explore stuff, thats y we stopped. I myself know im not a needy type of person, i do have my own life, im enjoying it actually, but i cant deny when i saw him last week my feelings for him is still there, little part of me still wants him. And his gestures towards me was like when wer still dating.
    But now, it make more sense to me, cause he havent msg me for 4 days now, maybe he is just playng mind games, if he still have feelings for me n want me, he should have told me. I should stop this false hope, and not let him take control.

    #359849 Reply
    Beatrice

    And yeah i just got distracted, I should concentrate on my review for the licensure exam now, not on him. Thank you lane. :)

    #359861 Reply
    Lane

    Yes, I absolutely agree that you should focus on your exam right now.

    Next time don’t allow one guy to consume all your time. Go out with others too because a man needs to FEAR losing you to another man—its a deeply embedded innate thing men have.

    Good luck and hope you pass it :-)

    #359981 Reply
    beatrice

    I will take that advise! Hope il pass. Hehe. Thank you so much lane! :)

    #360097 Reply
    Katie

    I think that if you think this guy is the one & he may still have feelings for you then don’t give up hope. But like lane said don’t start acting like you two are back together. Focues on yourself, spend time with friend, see other guys.

    #360224 Reply
    beatrice

    No, im not acting like were back together, i was just confused when we were togther last time. its been a week now, he only contct me once just to ask about his sister’s new product n f i have any suggestions, other than that it was just like casual conversation. Now, im not even sure if hes the one, i guess i just dont wanna expect anymore, but im not really closing my door to him or to any guy out there, you guys are right, i must focus on myself 1st. Thanks katie :)

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