This topic contains 3 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Sophia 3 months, 2 weeks ago.
January 12, 2018 at 7:13 pm #678553
I’m in an LDR with a man who is 10 years older than me. I’m 22. He went back to school in another state and we’ve been making it work long distance for the past 5 months, and our relationship in total has lasted in total about nine months. We have seen each other three times since he went away, and just had a whole month together in December for our Christmas break.
We got to know each other for a good four months before he left. It had been his plan to go back to school before we met.
Of course, distance is never easy. We have our fights even when we’re together. Since I’m significantly younger than him, I still have my insecurities whereas he is very confident with himself.
Sometimes, I see his confidence as him not caring. He’s never really concerned with my whereabouts or who I’m with and it bothers me. He knows I have many admirers and there are plenty of other guys in my city who want to be with me, but this doesn’t bother him at all.
If I tell him about a guy hitting on me, it has little to no effect on him. Not only does he not get jealous, but he is also not the best communicator. If we fight, he’ll completely shut down and not talk to me until I make up with him, which gets exhausting. I can’t always be the one making amends when we argue. This also makes me feel like he doesn’t care. And when we’re not together, he isn’t really too keen on texting as a form of communication and I could go hours without hearing from him if I don’t initiate. We talk on the phone often to make up for this, but his lack of texting makes me feel like he doesn’t think about me. I trust him, I just want to be thought of more.
Overall, he is an extremely good boyfriend. He is always there for me when I need him and has gone out of his way countless times to help me with something. There are just little things he does that can be very off putting and make me feel like he doesn’t care.
Is this relationship worth staying in or should I move on?
January 12, 2018 at 7:17 pm #678554
I’ll also add that he moved the relationship along very quickly, telling me he loved me a month after we met, and has expressed to me that he wants to marry me. He talks about our future together like it is inevitable. Sure, he is attracted to me and has feelings for me to some extent, but I feel like there is just some lack of genuine caring.January 12, 2018 at 8:04 pm #678561
Move on. If your this unhappy now its not going to get better, only worse. If your together over a couple years and have very little issues/fights and still happy THEN its worth considering him as a life partner…anything less is afutile waste of your time and energy.January 12, 2018 at 9:16 pm #678568
My relationship in the first six months was very similar. But what I discovered was that the reason he didn’t get jealous about some guy hitting on me was because he was confident in us. In our relationship.
He also didn’t always reply to my texts right away, or call back right away if he missed a call. It would make me feel insecure. But he always would get back to me and explain what circumstances pulled him away from a response.
When I explained to him how It made me feel he said “Why? I’m right here. We’re not going anywhere unless it’s together”.
I realized I was worrying over nothing. Perhaps that’s what your bf thinks as well. But the only way to know is to talk about it. When we did, and he explained where his head and heart were at, I saw that I should calm my insecurities down, as they were unwarranted.
As you’ve heard before on this site, it truly is about open honest communication. If you speak to him and he’s not reassuring then yes, move on.
I agree with Lane. I had moments of unhappiness until we talked through some rough spots. But they were just moments. If you’re not being heard and understood by him then you will remain unhappy for long stretches of time and that’s no fun. That’s not a good relationship and it’s one that should end.
I’ve been with my partner for two years now and we are solid as a rock. Just talk to him and see where his head and heart are at. Good luck!