Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Do I tell his gf that he cheated on her, with me?!
- This topic has 41 replies and was last updated 6 years ago by
Meagan.
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Jamie
I think you should tell her.
You’re never going to see this man again. Clearly this man is nothing to you and will be nothing in the future. BUT…if he’s flying into town having sex with multiple women after filling their ears with sweet nothings, he’s putting HER at risk for STI’s. I would just flat out tell her, and then don’t engage with either of them afterwards. Your conscience will be clear, and she has the information she needs to protect herself whether or not she chooses to make use of it.
Jen
Here is the problem I see. Too many women come on here and totally care less if they are with a man who already has a gf. I think the OP knew. I think she isn’t telling the whole story, I think she thought he would fall for her and leave the gf.
It’s just too convenient that she just happens to now find out he has a gf! What’s that mean? He finally posted in a relationship on Facebook after she had her tryst with him?
It’s one thing to tell the other woman to protect her. It’s another if you are doing it to get revenge on the guy.
Jamie
Well, my thoughts are, no matter what the OP’s motives, he probably does this regularly with all kind of different women. That’s just gross.
Jen
You miss my point Jaime. If she was good cheating with him, up until he decided to dump her.. she isn’t telling the other woman for a good reason. She just wants to get back at him.
For all you know he was dating the other woman and AFTER the tryst he decided to make this other woman official. You don’t know the story. Neither do I. That’s why if it’s ambiguous the correct answer isn’t always the same one.
Nat
Ladies do you EVER ask yourself why would a guy located long distance want to talk to you? Especially if you meet online? 9 times out of 10 they want to cheat or looking for an easy lay with no responsibilities. Once a month type of thing. it costs them a few hours of texts and phone calls per months. Still cheaper and less risky than paying for escort. And they also get emotional validation and attention in this case.
STAY AWAY from long distance men. Do not respond to them.
Jen
Best post ever, Nat!
Hannah
Don’t tell her Freya. You don’t know this man or the situation. Either you knew about the girlfriend before and we’re complicit in the cheating, or he’s suddenly posted he’s in a relationship and you can now see that. If he’s just posted he’s in a relationship, he may have just got in the relationship and didn’t actually cheat. They could be FWBs or in an open relationship. You don’t know.
Unfortunately this is what you get if you invite a man you don’t know anything about to come and have sex with you. Just live and learn.
Etta
What would be your purpose in squealing? Is it to benefit her? As someone said earlier, she probably already knows anyway.
Or is it to benefit YOU? Are you hoping it will break them up? Let’s say you managed to do that? Would it make you happy? Really? Would you feel good, secure with him knowing he cheats?
It reminds me of the other woman in a marital situation. She pressures him to leave his wife. He does. He marries her. Then what happens? You know what happens. Yep, he cheats on HER, the used to be other woman.
That is a big possibility in this. My advice? Leave him alone and…
MYOB: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
Mary Jane
HI am I able to contact teresa, the woman who posted this question and her concern on whether she should tell the gf about the affair?
This really hits home for me and I could write the same story from the gf’s prospective.I as the gf would definitely want to know so I would be able to make the best decision for myself, for my future.
I wouldnt want to be with a man who lies,and betrays my trust, taking away any chance of something real that I would miss out on if I stayed in a fake relationship.I am a romantic and belive in true love, my man is my best friend and the person who has your back in life.Someone to grow old with and can look back and know the live you had and whom you chose to have it with was for real with no regrets.
I was cheated on in a previous relationship that lasted 3 years.
My gut felt it and I confronTed him.
He denied and sincerely convinced me he was completely faithfull.
I went with it as I didn’t think he couof of done that and he also was so genuine.The feeling in my stomach never left though.It wasn’t till a few months later that I found out the truth by having contracting an STI from him.
He confessed everything then and i was completely devastated he coukf of happily carried on being with me.
I felt a fool.
I am in another relationship now, it’s coming up 3 years.He proposed to me early on and we planned for a baby.
He was like my knight in shining armour after the depression from the last relationship.I was so happy for a good 2 years.But the past year has been crazy.He just changed all of a sudden and became a different person.Angry, withdrawn, accusing,and his affections felt off. He started staying away at times and acting weird, I caught him in white lies that made no sense and also found msgs to another woman in his fb.
I felt so sick and actually thought I must be dreaming, or more like in a nighrare.This was 6 months ago and I still don’t know the truth .
My guts feels the same as it did last time I was cheated on. I Confronted him and he got mad that I didnt trust him.
He said he believes I have been cheating on him.
I am so confused and I can’t let it go like he wants me to.
I want to belive him and give him 100% trust back like I did in the first 2 years.I am suppose to be marrying him one day and he is the first man I’ve given all of heart and soul to on a deep authentic way. I will be torn apart if he did cheat,had an affair or even if he still is.
He says he loves me and this new year he has Changed again ..into the man I first knew.I just need the truth please.Mary Jane
HI am I able to contact teresa, the woman who posted this question and her concern on whether she should tell the gf about the affair?
This really hits home for me and I could write the same story from the gf’s prospective.I as the gf would definitely want to know so I would be able to make the best decision for myself, for my future.
I wouldnt want to be with a man who lies,and betrays my trust, taking away any chance of something real that I would miss out on if I stayed in a fake relationship.I am a romantic and belive in true love, my man is my best friend and the person who has your back in life.Someone to grow old with and can look back and know the live you had and whom you chose to have it with was for real with no regrets.
I was cheated on in a previous relationship that lasted 3 years.
My gut felt it and I confronTed him.
He denied and sincerely convinced me he was completely faithfull.
I went with it as I didn’t think he couof of done that and he also was so genuine.The feeling in my stomach never left though.It wasn’t till a few months later that I found out the truth by having contracting an STI from him.
He confessed everything then and i was completely devastated he coukf of happily carried on being with me.
I felt a fool.
I am in another relationship now, it’s coming up 3 years.He proposed to me early on and we planned for a baby.
He was like my knight in shining armour after the depression from the last relationship.I was so happy for a good 2 years.But the past year has been crazy.He just changed all of a sudden and became a different person.Angry, withdrawn, accusing,and his affections felt off. He started staying away at times and acting weird, I caught him in white lies that made no sense and also found msgs to another woman in his fb.
I felt so sick and actually thought I must be dreaming, or more like in a nighrare.This was 6 months ago and I still don’t know the truth .
My guts feels the same as it did last time I was cheated on. I Confronted him and he got mad that I didnt trust him.
He said he believes I have been cheating on him.
I am so confused and I can’t let it go like he wants me to.
I want to belive him and give him 100% trust back like I did in the first 2 years.I am suppose to be marrying him one day and he is the first man I’ve given all of heart and soul to on a deep authentic way. I will be torn apart if he did cheat,had an affair or even if he still is.
He says he loves me and this new year he has Changed again ..into the man I first knew.I just need the truth please.Amanda
This is a really old post. I am sure she has made her decision and moved on. And no, there is not a way to personally contact a certain poster.
Vi
I just told this, girl today, about her cheating boyfriend.. she six weeks pregnant. He never told me he had a fiancé or girlfriend and for that matter that he was going to be a father. She deserve to know. Always tell the other woman. It’s a sign of integrity and character to do what’s right and most people don’t, obviously read the suggestions here…
Crisula
@Vi
It wasn’t your place to tell her..
none of your damn business…this was all to get revenge and you know it
Meagan
Hello!
Similar situation over here… here’s my short story. I was on vacation in another state – using tinder as I always do and met a guy for drinks that night. One thing led to another and we ended up back at his hotel room…. we used protection but ended up texting and spending ALOT of time together over the 3 days we were there. The day he left he blocked me on Snapchat (weird) so I checked his Instagram page and he has just been engaged mid March!!!! This happened the 12-14th of April. Yes I’m hurt he blocked me off snap but I never expected a future with this guy to begin with .. maybe hook up again as we both travel a lot for our jobs. He told me that he travels tons for work and I imagine this ain’t his first or last rodeo using tinder WHILE BEING ENGAGED!
I have 0 connections to him or her and my gut feeling is tell her. Help. ????Anastasia
If I would be her, I’d like to know! However, given a chance of some freaky jealous lady out there, I’d need you to send some proofs like the scans of communication. If you have solid evidence, you can contact her and open her eyes to avoid marriage with such a man.
Janet
No.
Leave him alone and get to know someone before you have sex with them in future.Did you ASK him if he had a gf?… i think, no.
It’sa pertinent question. Use it.
Meagan
Of course I asked him. He’s on tinder usually people use that if they’re single. But I felt like something was missing with him so I asked again, are you sure you’re not married.. engaged.. have kids? And he then said NO. If I knew he was engaged no way would I have even met up with him…..
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