Do guys really cut off when busy?


Home Forums Long Distance Relationship (LDR) Advice Do guys really cut off when busy?

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  • #364479 Reply
    Sill

    The guy and I have been friends for over 10 years. We always liked each other but never really ended up dating. A few years back he moved to another country for work though he visits home every six months. Now it was a terrible idea maybe to finally act on our feelings for each other but we started a long distance 3 months ago. Everything was perfect until two weeks ago when he suddenly disappeared, didn’t respond to my texts also. He finally called after two days and apologized because he was busy with work. He told me he has too much on his plate at the moment and won’t be able to talk every day for the next two months.Which is absolutely fine with me. I don’t even nag him that he doesn’t call or anything.
    But here is my problem: We had steamy makeout sessions when he was here and have been keeping things hot on skype as well. But for two weeks, we haven’t done anything. That’s what’s bothering me. A guy who can’t leave his dick alone for a moment suddenly doesnt want phone sex anymore. I’ve sent him a few pictures, he just says “wow! Hot” and thats it. Still doesn’t want phone sex or anything.
    The other day he called for two minutes and hung up saying he wants to sleep but he actually didn’t go to sleep. Another time I messaged him and he replied a day later saying his phone wasn’t working.
    He did sense that I was a bit off and said that in case I am wondering, there is no other girl but only me. But I still can’t get over the fact that a guy who wanted phone/skype sex twice a day doesn’t even respond to my naked pictures anymore. We hardly talk now days, just a fee messages here and there.
    Is it all in my head? He does touch himself all the time, just not with me on the other end.
    Should I just withdraw completely and see if he makes an effort to come back? Or should I just tell him we should stop talking until he is done with his project?
    He will be here in december and I don’t want to meet him if this is how its going to be. Somehow I feel, if he wanted to, he just would’ve made the effort to just message a simple hi once in a while. He does have time for facebook. And I am not some new girl he has just met that its all too much for him all of a sudden.

    #364516 Reply
    TAMB

    The guy that I’ve been talking to for 7 months now just left me hanging. 4 days and I havnt heard a word from him. He warns me that he’s gunna be busy and all that with school and work but a random 4 days is just odd. Maybe he is just busy. When guys get busy or side tracked with something they need to focus on they forget what it is they were doing. I’m stuck in the same boat as you right now. But I guess the only thing we can do is be patient and see what happens. If it gets to a point of not being able to put up with the ignoring taking place then just stop talking to him. We can’t change how guys are and if they want to do this. We can’t change the behavior they put out. We can talk with them but that’s about it… If they even want to listen.

    #364583 Reply
    LAgirl

    Sill
    Are you only wanting a sex buddy? Is that all you and him converse about, because based on what you write it appears that is all you do together?

    It sounds like he lost interest. When men give the excuses he gave you…tired, busy, phone didn’t work, etc… It’s a subtle way of saying he wants to pull back.

    Leave him be.. You are. Hazing him and he is just pulling further away. Who knows what he is doing.

    When you see him, he may want sex with you again. Are you ok with allowing a man who disappears like this back into your life and loins?

    I can’t tell if you want a relationship or just sex…. If your just FWB then he really doesn’t owe you anything or need to feel obligated to be faithful or devoted to responding to you…

    #364596 Reply
    Ashley

    He’s losing interest. Wait til he contacts you first

    #364597 Reply
    Sill

    Thanks for responding LA girl. You are right about him pulling away. That’s why even I didn’t text him because I felt he should do whatever he wants to. But we are definitely not FWB. We had a lot more going, he keeps making plans for next year and includes me in everything (assuming we would obviously still be together). But I can understand when a guy takes a break from all the emotional stuff. But yeah, to me it seems off that he isn’t interested in phone/cyber sex as well. The last time we spoke, I had told him we can go back to being friends if he doesn’t have time. He said I am overthinking things, he is busy and he appreciates that I care about him enough to get annoyed when he doesn’t call.
    Also, we haven’t had sex yet (I am still a virgin and he knows I want to wait for a while longer).
    If by any chance he is actually busy, would I be wrong to break up with him if he doesn’t give me time?

    #364599 Reply
    Sill

    Also, thank yoi for responding Ashley and Tamb.
    Tamb, I really don’t know why people say women are complicated! Look at these guys! :o)

    #364601 Reply
    LAgirl

    Is this LDR permanent for now? Men don’t last very long usually with LDRs… And women don’t either for the very reasons your describing here.

    It’s up to you what you want. If he isn’t moving near you anytime soon and you aren’t moving… How long can you handle being apart from your man? It’s a fair question as it takes time actually being together to really know each other and to see if you are a good fit together.

    #364611 Reply
    Sill

    LAgirl, thats actually an interesting question. I did find it amusing initially that he moved to another country (which is much more open about casual sex and dating) and still didn’t date anyone. He said he has never had time to date. It’s the same with me. Long distance is the only type of relationship I can do right now because I have absolutely no time to go out on dates except when he is here every six months.
    I did ask him once for how long he thinks we can do this. He said it really isn’t that big a deal since he visits for a month twice a year. I was even too direct in asking him what if he gets bored of virtual sex, he will want to be with someone close to him. He said that’s not issue with him, he can keep himself in check.
    He knows I can’t move to another country, he says he has been thinking on and off about moving back even though he has only been there for three years. Honestly, we have both thought about the future, but neither of us want to come across as too desperate and keep avoiding the topic.
    He has been amazing for the last three months, that’s why it is bothering me a little that all of a sudden he is too busy and says thats how its going to be for the next two months.

    #364615 Reply
    Sill

    Ok, i just read one of the emails I have subscribed to from this site. Gives me a better perspective. Says guys do shut off when they are stressed and want to get back to everything else once the task at hand is complete. :-/
    I’ll give him benefit of doubt and wait it out. I really don’t want to be an added stress in his life if he is that busy. Nor do I want to stress myself over him if he really has lost interest.

    #364649 Reply
    LAgirl

    I can’t imagine being so busy he can’t communicate….

    I have an incredibly busy job and travel every week for business.. I can manage to connect with my man.

    It’s been said on here that men will use the excuse too busy to pull back. It’s true they can be single minded… Yet they also will stay in touch with you.

    Seems odd he only wants sex twice a year .. But then you know him better …

    I used to think my ex was fine being without a lot. He was an entertainer and on the road for several weeks at a time. I found out after over a year in, that he had women in multiple cities. He wasn’t being celibate…that’s for sure.

    It seems you are ok with the distance and lack of face time. Let him come to you.. Give him space.

    #364654 Reply
    Sill

    Thank you for your response. And yes, I am giving him all the space he needs. I don’t message him until he does :)
    Thanks again. I will keep you posted :)

    #365809 Reply
    yams

    Hey sill don’t know of you’re still on here but thought I’d share my two cents worth.

    Also doing smth similar to you long distance wise. We aremt official tho. He used to keep pulling these disappearing acts for 4/5 days. I first tried being passive aggressive but it got me nowhere. Finally decided to be mature and be honest with him that i’m not okay with this and if he doesn’t wanna keep chatting that’s fine but I’ve gotta go. He immediately apologised and said he’d try harder etc. To his credit he’s kept it up for the last 4 months. He did go MIA recently for 4 days but I just let it be and he came back literally starting convie as if he’d been he all along. I said smth mildly like oh you’re alive and he said apologised saying he’s been working 18 hour days etc. I let it go cuz tbf if I’d so much as said hi during those 4 days he would have responded, and I know for a fact that he’s not being cheeky with me or anything- he genuinely does shut off when he’s that busy sometimes.

    If there’s one thing I’ve learned, girls and guys operate rly differently. Even at my most stressed talking makes me feel better but guys just tune everything out. Of course if you guys are official and hae been together ages then you might need to drill it into him that you need to hear from him, but even then he’s gonna reach out when he remembers what you need and not because he needs it too.

    #365904 Reply
    Mel

    Hey I suggest you read my post “some sunshine” There shouldn’t be any second guessing. If a guy is into you he will still touch base with you daily even if he is busy, stressed, man caving, it doesn’t matter.

    #365918 Reply
    Sill

    Thank you so much for responding guys. He did finally call back himself. Was reluctant to talk initially. Finally opened up. Turns out he felt I wasn’t committed enough because I honestly didn’t want to seem clingy so wasn’t putting in much effort from my side. But he mistook that. So he tried to fade himself out.
    Had a long talk, set some ground rules to make sure we don’t miscommunicate again.
    :)

    #365920 Reply
    Sill

    @yams… My guy was also busy with a lot of work and felt that his efforts of trying to keep things going with me would be wasted because I sort of always avoided the topic of marriage. But I told him how much he means to me. So now even though he still doesn’t have time to talk much, he calls on his way to work or just shoots a message at night before going to sleep.

    #365970 Reply
    yams

    Yeah sill after that convie we had, when he’s busy and stuff he still tends to say good morning or just text about his day before going to sleep. We tend to go max one day without communication, and even when I have disappeared and not responded to him, he revives convie again after a few days.

    But I do maintain what I said earlier. Sabrina wrote an article on this too– they do all these small things because they know we want them and not because they need it to keep gg or feel secure or wdv.

    #375232 Reply
    Happy Girl

    So glad I found this blog. Seems like everyone here is very mature and going through something similar.

    My situation is different since we just met 2 weeks ago. I was reluctant to go but still went. He is actually a public figure so very busy but we were introduced in a meeting. It went well but I walked out of there thinking nothing of it although I could tell he was attracted, body language, hand on lower back,smiling like crazy and when I said by he said we’ll talk (My friend heard it I didn’t) . I had commented on his FB page probably 3 years ago. Five minutes after I left the meeting he messaged me saying he remembered me. I said great memory and then we chit chatted. He said pleasure to meet you blah blah. I invited him to something I was organizing for charity he said he couldn’t make it coz it was his birthday etc. He asked for number, invited me out. I couldn’t go because had made plans that day. We continued to message – he told me he hates to type. He did a good job considering he hates to. Anyways he called me really late when I gave him number after midnight. I said can’t talk would wake parent up. He seemed cool with it. Next day apologized for falling asleep during conversation I said np I was in meeting would let him know when it would end so we could talk. After a day or two messaged him saying it was long but could talk if he wanted to. Waited a few days then said hi how are you and if he could talk now? He was nice asked how I was, said he was in a meeting and when it finishes he would call me (This was in evening). Nothing…right after this he got extremely busy campaigning.

    @yams I am not one to make excuses but yikes! My brother told me to chill since when men get busy they can’t focus on a woman (He is also a super busy guy). I just hope I didn’t eff up here. Anyways reading your comments makes me feel a little bit better. How embarrassing if he was trying to blow me off. Would have been better if he said really busy these days without will call you when finished.

    #375234 Reply
    Happy Girl

    @yams where is Sabrina’s article?

    #375247 Reply
    Stefanie

    Girls, when a man says he’s busy and drops back some it is not always an indicator he’s not into you any longer and is on the fade from the relationship. Female thinking is, well I”m busy and I can find the time for him every day. Male thinking is NOT the same. They don’t process multiple things well, it’s the way their brains are. They are single track processors.

    Only the person in the actual situation will know in her gut if he’s just on overwhelm or stressed, or if he really intends to end the relationship. This sounds like he was genuinely on overwhelm. Lots of women post here because they are in freak-out mode over a guy hitting the man cave. Just making this comment so they can know it isn’t always the end.

    #375281 Reply
    AmberB

    I’m in a bit of a same mess. Had a fwb situation for the last several months. Recently, he became really distant. When I talked to him, I found out his work schedule changed for the worse. He works late into the night, and is pretty devoted to his job and making money. He also has other life obligations. He has been really distant from me, even a bit cold in texts (which I’ve had to initiate.) So now I’m not sure if he’s pulling out of this, or if it’s just his new schedule. The only real fact I have is that he got distant about the same time his schedule changed. Thoughts?

    #375282 Reply
    Raven

    Hi Amber, FWB is about sex only… If you’re wanting/looking for more, FWB is not the right ‘thing’ for you.

    #375291 Reply
    AmberB

    Which I understand, but I’m wondering if this gig is over and he lost interest or if this is just a guy being busy/stressed.
    And our situation seems to have developed that way, nothing has actually been said that it’s just fwb.

    #718263 Reply
    monica

    So, Stefanie, if he didn’t lose interest, then what else would be the reason?

    #718264 Reply
    Raven

    What is with digging up all of these 3/4 year old posts?!

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