This topic contains 27 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Linda 3 weeks, 2 days ago.
February 8, 2015 at 2:50 pm #397943
I liked this guy and I thought he likes me (still think so). We were placed together at a table. Everytime he got up, he would lightly stroke my back. It was cute and I enjoyed it but unfortunately, I messed it up by whining about it to a friend at that table. He stopped doing it. I felt bad, so I apologised later for being mean, he accepted my apology. So do you think I messed this up for good?February 8, 2015 at 2:52 pm #397944
Do what again? Have we run out of topics?February 8, 2015 at 2:54 pm #397946
Run out of topics?February 8, 2015 at 2:59 pm #397950
I don’t understand what you messed up? You were caught off guard by some guy touching you at a table and said something to your girlfriend, then started apologizing profusely. I’d say the lesson here is to reserve “I am sorry” to when you are seriously messing up, people don’t like to be apologized to all the time for nonsense it makes them start thinking they were wronged for realz. That’s how I feel, I’ve been apologized to like 10 times (by an ex and a friend) last two months and I am thinking stop apologizing, start acting right.February 8, 2015 at 3:01 pm #397953
I complained about it to my friend who was at the table, and the guy heard so he stopped flirting.I believe in apologizing after messing up and then try to correct your errors. If I were to apologize and do nothing, then I would be useless.February 8, 2015 at 3:04 pm #397954
I think we have a case of a serious over thinker, ie – you! Allow me to invite you to the gym. You are overthinking this girlfriend, way out of proportion.February 8, 2015 at 3:04 pm #397955
Well then. Okay. So alia, how do I not overreact?February 8, 2015 at 3:05 pm #397956
If you complained about it, then it must have made you feel uncomfortable …
So why would you apologize ?
You are acting a little looney…. You SAY you didn’t like him flirting like that, and when he stopped you decided to apologize so he would flirt some more?February 8, 2015 at 3:08 pm #397957
I did like it BUT I was very tired. When I am tired, I complain about anything and I usually don’t really pay attention to what I say.February 8, 2015 at 3:21 pm #397960
You allow a little thinking room for yourself before thoughts come out if your mouth. practicing meditation will help tremendously or heaps as some ozies here would say..February 8, 2015 at 3:23 pm #397961
The question is, why do you feel an impulse to be mean and complain when a guy you’re interested in is showing interest in you and doing something you like?
You say you thought it was cute and you enjoyed it, so why did you whine to your friend about it, especially when he could hear you?
It sounds like you don’t know how to respond when someone’s nice to you or treats you well. Do you have a habit of pushing people away? Being mean when guys are nice to you?
Alia will probably say I’m an over thinker (haha) and I am. But your behavior doesn’t make sense, it sounds like self-sabotage, ,and I think that’s what you need to worry about, not this one instance/guy.February 8, 2015 at 3:26 pm #397962
“It sounds like you don’t know how to respond when someone’s nice to you or treats you well. Do you have a habit of pushing people away? Being mean when guys are nice to you?”
I do have a bad habit of pushing people away. I am trying to work on it but its hard. I have always felt rejected by everyone so I have a habit of hurting people so they won’t hurt me.
To Alia, I will work on meditation to stop overthinking this.February 8, 2015 at 3:27 pm #397963
I am scared of losing him but its a bad habit I have that I am trying to control.February 8, 2015 at 3:27 pm #397964
How old are you ?
Your post comes across very whiney and complaining ….not traits a guy…or anyone else shall find attractive.
Google how to date effectively.February 8, 2015 at 3:30 pm #397966
Harley, how old are you? Acting like a bitch is not a trait guy like. Google on how not to be a bitch.February 8, 2015 at 3:32 pm #397968
Linda honey… you didn’t HAVE him.
Get to the root of why you push people away. I spent years of my life seeming friendly on the outside but really afraid of getting close to people because i had been hurt so much in my younger years for various reasons.
You have to get to know you are safe and secure inside always and you can always choose to stay or leave a situation. Google how to be vulnerable… there is an excellent bit on that on the Attraction Institute site.February 8, 2015 at 3:34 pm #397969
Okay.February 8, 2015 at 3:35 pm #397970
Old enough to take criticism well darling and to offer an opinion that could or could not be right.
your abrasive reaction says it all.
I wish you the best at working things out in life.February 8, 2015 at 3:38 pm #397972
Now girls… retract the claws…February 8, 2015 at 3:44 pm #397976
It is hard, I know.
I thought it was a self-protective thing–you have to get to a point where you realize on a gut level that what you’re doing ISN’T protecting yourself. I know you know that mentally, but sometimes that doesn’t really help.
Try to think of some concrete little steps you can take. It’s hard in the moment to remember not to react out of habit, so just try to focus on one thing at a time. It sounds like maybe you have some self-esteem issues, because people who don’t value themselves enough often push away people they think they don’t deserve, because they are comfortable (even if it’s not pleasant) with the status quo of what they’re used to getting.
I wish I could think of something concrete you could do. Good luck. And as you work through it, maybe try to think of a quick kind of apology you can use with guys you do this to, like “I’m sorry, I’m sometimes awkward about compliments (or whatever).”February 8, 2015 at 3:50 pm #397981
“It sounds like maybe you have some self-esteem issues, because people who don’t value themselves enough often push away people they think they don’t deserve, because they are comfortable (even if it’s not pleasant) with the status quo of what they’re used to getting.”
I strongly agree with this statement.
Thank you SweetMarie.February 8, 2015 at 3:52 pm #397983
I think you realized your mistake right away and apologized. That was good.
As you probably know other people are attracted to how we make them feel in our presence. If we don’t make them feel comfortable then they are likely to move on to someone who will. Now I am not saying you give up boundaries or anything like that – what I am saying is treating people well is always an excellent idea.
If you feel you need to work on this then seek resources to do so.
Good luck.February 8, 2015 at 4:03 pm #397991
You’re welcome, Linda.February 8, 2015 at 4:04 pm #397992
redcurleysue, I understand. Thank you.February 8, 2015 at 5:06 pm #398013
make a joke out of it by rubbing his back everytime he gets up, maybe that will start a convo and you can mention how much you like it and explain (not apologize) to him about why you complained