Did he cheat? Yes, or no?


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  • #853474 Reply
    Emma

    The man I’m seeing (and am in touch on daily basis, every single evening) suddenly disappeared last night. I texted him twice to wish him good night and he didn’t respond. Finding this unusually strange, this afternoon I asked if he was okay – he responded by saying he had a kids-afraid-of-ghosts situation and was away from his phone for a while… sounds like BS to me. We usually text all night long. He could have texted me at any hour of the night, but he didn’t. Not even this morning. Definitely very out of the ordinary.
    What do you think? Was he out with someone else? Yes, or no?

    #853479 Reply
    Peggy

    Hi Emma. Weird you jumped to a conclusion on razor thin “evidence” that he could be cheating. It is clear that you do not trust him anyway. My impression from your letter is that it is more your insecurity and clinging ways that are the problem here…but that is only my guess.
    If you do not or can not trust him, for whatever reason, then break up with him. If this is more about your issues, then get some therapy to gain confidence or he will soon be breaking up with you… Good luck..

    #853480 Reply
    Anon

    How long have you been dating?

    #853525 Reply
    Maddie

    My boyfriend did this a few times, and it always seemed highly unusual. Every single time, he’d fallen asleep. The first couple times earlier in the relationship, I never thought he was cheating as he’d given me zero reason to doubt him, but based on bad past experiences I’ve had I briefly wondered if maybe it meant he wasn’t as into me as he seemed? Both those times, I ended up feeling very silly. As we spent more and more time together, yes, he can occasionally catch up on sleep for 12 hours in one shot and not look at his phone until the next afternoon. I’m actually a little jealous of how much he can sleep through lol.

    It sounds like your guy is a single dad at least part of the time? Or maybe they were with their mom but called him when scared? Do you have any reason to doubt he sometimes needs time to focus on his kids?

    #853530 Reply
    Emma

    His excuse was a lie because he said he wasn’t around his phone, but he was online on social media during that time. That’s why I’m suspecting something’s up.

    We’ve been dating for 6 weeks. This is the first time something like this – out of the blue disappearance – happened.

    #853538 Reply
    Raven

    If he was cheeting, doubtful he’d be online- he’d have his hands-full with other things…

    #853539 Reply
    Maddie

    I’ve been told I sometimes appear as online and active on social media when I’m not. I also would be surprised if he was on social media if he was out with another woman, that would be pretty rude and seem a little pointless if he’s going out of his way to hide something.

    Either way… have you both already agreed to be exclusive after only 6 weeks? If not, he isn’t doing anything wrong seeing someone else. He shouldn’t be lying about it if he is, but I don’t think that’s the actual issue.

    There’s something wrong if you’re checking in on his every move after only 6 weeks in any case. Either he’s given you other reasons to feel insecure or you’ve got trust issues (or both), but if you don’t think you can take him at his word after such a short time, like the other posters said, you should end this. It won’t get better. You should be in the easy part still but you’re already suspicious and may or may not have reason to be. What fun is starting a relationship in which you’re on edge and looking for clues to prove bad intent all the time?

    #853555 Reply
    Emma

    It wasn’t my intention to check on his social media activity. He just showed up as online (briefly and a couple of times) while I was on there, too, which made me wondering what the heck is up.

    As I said this lack of response was highly unusual so it caught my eye. If he was not seeing someone else, then he clearly was ignoring my messages. Either way it doesn’t look good.

    #853578 Reply
    Tallspicy

    Tough love time: this is not even your boyfriend and you have unrealistic expectations. This man does not owe you talking to you every night and will tire of a woman who is not his girlfriend and whines about this, and acts needy by double texting to check in on him. Your actions and beliefs are way out of line for the appropriate level of engagement.

    Sit back, let him do the work and soothe yourself. You don’t know this man long enough to know anything about him and his long term patters.

    Are you boyfriend and girlfriend yet based on his suggesting it?

    #853579 Reply
    Tallspicy

    And if he is not your boyfriend, he can’t be cheating on you because you are not exclusive. And if you are only sexually exclusive, he is not cheating on you either.

    I got much happier when I let men contact me at their pace primarily and when I decided to give it at least 12 hours for a response time before I had an opinion on it.

    #853670 Reply
    Liz Lemon

    What Tallspicy said. No man, not even a committed boyfriend, is obligated to chat with you constantly & respond to your messages immediately all the time. And this man is not even your boyfriend.

    If you’ve been dating 6 weeks and messaging constantly he’s probably pulling back to a more reasonable pace. That happens. No guy is gonna message you 24/7 forever. When I met my bf we were the same way, texting constantly, but at some point we had to slow it down to a more reasonable amount of communication. Neither one of us assumed it was because the other was cheating!

    You mentioned this guy has kids? What if he checked/answered a couple of messages while with his kids, so what. If he was busy with his kids then he wouldn’t have time to get into messaging back and forth with you.

    To Maddie’s point about appearing online when you’re not– that happens too. There have been times where my bf has left his phone next to me & gone to do something (do laundry, get something from the garage, whatever), and I’ve scrolled through IG and noticed that it said he was online. When he clearly wasn’t because his phone was next to me, and he was folding laundry across the room (or washing dishes, in the shower, whatever). That’s happened multiple times.

    But I agree with Tallspicy that this is about you, not him. You’re suspicious for no reason, and you also don’t have realistic expectations.

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