This topic contains 10 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Annie 8 months, 1 week ago.
September 13, 2017 at 3:32 pm #653835
Hi everyone. I posted a couple of days ago about my ‘doomed from the start’ relationship with a 30 year old, single man. I’m 36 with 3 kids. I received amazing, straight up feedback from very wise ladies out there. It has helped me tremendously and something suddenly clicked in my brain and I wish I wrote earlier before I’d gone and made those mistakes. However, this post is about something else. At least through all that turmoil with the younger dude I still tried to talk and possibly meet other men. I ended up talking to this 45 year old guy. He triggered my interest straight away for various reasons and I thought I wouldn’t mind meeting him to see. He also has a daughter. We went on a date on Tuesday evening and it went very well. I got the feeling that he was being himself and it’s amazing how I felt more at ease in his company and not so ‘on my toes’ as with men younger than myself. He also looked attractive, but you can tell he is in his 40s…if you know what I mean. In fact he asked me out again and we are going out for lunch again today. I would like to ask what the opinion is out there about dating an older man. I mean, he is only 8.5 years older than me, but I’m still not sure.
September 13, 2017 at 3:35 pm #653836
Annie, the only opinion that counts is YOURS. It’s your life. You only went out with him once. Give it some time and see how it feels.September 13, 2017 at 3:37 pm #653837
I think you are over analyzing. At your age this is not that big of a difference. In fact, it sounds like you are in similar life phases-which is much more important.
Watch how he treats you, and if words align with actions. If he doesn’t treat you with respect, thoughtfulness, appreciation and dignity…keep it moving.
Stop expecting every new guy to be the one -and slow the heck down, lol.September 13, 2017 at 3:46 pm #653842
What boyfriend/ father figure/ husband/ self esteem lifesize hole are you trying to fill? You were head over heels into this other guy just last week. You need to take time to grieve your feelings. That’s the thing about going too deep, too fast, you are creating your own rollercoaster. With this new guy, you know absolutely nothing about him. He may be 8.5 years older, but he may also have intimacy issues or what have you, a million things wrong (or right). He is not the one, until he proves to you over and over again, that he is, with consistent pleasant behavior and actions. He is suspect right now. He is not the holy grail.September 13, 2017 at 3:50 pm #653843
If anything. the age difference is even less of an issue for you since you’ve both already had kids. You can focus solely on whether the two of you have a great time together. No other expectations. With kids off the table, it’s only about the two of you.September 13, 2017 at 3:52 pm #653844
Thank you for the feedback, I certainly do not think he is ‘the one’and I’m not filling any voids. I’ve been single for many years while I was finishing a very intense science degree and caring for my children. Now I’m actively on the dating scene with all the ups and downs attached to it. Appreciate the feedback though.September 13, 2017 at 3:58 pm #653845
My only worry with older men is if it is more than 10 years, or if the man is 40 and never married with no kids. The former cases cause too many issues later in life, and the latter suggests the guy has serious commitment issues. Since this man has a daughter I assume he was married? Or at least living with the mother? With three kids I also assume you are done? In your situation, the things that likely matter most is that the guy is on the same page with your kids and your future desires. Did you discuss what you were both looking for? This is best to do very early, because if you wait it sort of makes it seem like you are specifically asking if he wants marriage or serious with you. If you ask on the first few dates it is obvious you are just asking in general. Overall, it seems good. I think you would want a man with kids since he can better understand your situation. Also make sure you are attracted to him – if you just don’t like older guys don’t force it.September 13, 2017 at 4:08 pm #653848
Thank you Amanda, that makes so much sense :) Yes he did live with his daughter’s mum before. This will be our second meeting so lots to find out. I’m definitely taking it for what it is…just a second meeting and nothing more, unless he proves to be worth it.September 13, 2017 at 4:11 pm #653851
Then why are you trying so hard to make a bf out of every guy willing to date you? Relax and just get to know the person.most men you meet online are going to be flakes, married, have girlfriends or playing the field. So you need to take time to really get to know the man before picturing a a future with him. Stay in the moment and stop getting ahead of things.September 13, 2017 at 4:49 pm #653879
I don’t think our poster is showing any serous signs of getting ahead of herself. She did the right thing with the younger guy, which is hard, and she is just seeking opinions. I used to ask a lot of questions about dating, it wasn’t because I expected every guy to be my boyfriend, I just found anonymous opinions interesting and helpful! And it is good to think things through in advance BEFORE you have feelings. Give the girl a break.September 13, 2017 at 5:52 pm #653899
Aww thank you Amanda. Yes it’s amazing how we all arrive to this forum through different circumstances. I for one was married all through my 20s with one man, had children and kept furthering my career through post grad studying. Now that I’m in my late 30s I suddenly realise how New I am to this. This forum is great though, big help!