Constant fights via texting


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This topic contains 15 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Betteroffsingle 3 months ago.

Viewing 16 posts - 1 through 16 (of 16 total)
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  • #663056 Reply

    Nat

    Me and my boyfriend are together for 8 months. Our relationship is a bit stormy sometimes but we love each other really much. Recently I left the country for 2 months to have a surgery abroad. It’s been 3 weeks now since we haven’t seen each other and like 80% of the days we fight. We text a lot and we have the worst fights on chat. I thought it’s normal to text more since we don’t see each other for so long but it’s just destructive for us. I feel really lonely here and stressed cuz of the surgery and I crave attention and support that’s why I text him so often. Am I making a mistake or are we just not fit together if we fight so much when we’re away? He is supposed to visit me in 2 weeks but the atmosphere is so sour I’m afraid the problems won’t go away even if we see each other… what to think about all that?

    #663061 Reply

    Raven

    What are the fights about?

    Fighting will kill your relationship…

    #663062 Reply

    Nat

    They’re about small things but they arise to such extent it ends up talking about breaking up… Like were both tired of fighting but we fight anyway. Usually I guess it’s because I feel hurt or left alone and I want more of his attention. And when I don’t get it I complain to him about it and then we fight

    #663063 Reply

    Aida

    You have to stop texting. It’s destroying your relationship and it’s not going to be the vehicle to provide you what you want it to, a feeling of connection and support.

    You need to talk with him (DON”T TEXT IT) on the phone or Skype about how texting is ruining things and just STOP 100%. You don’t need to text, not at all.

    Then set up a schedule to talk or skype instead. figure out something that works for both of you. That will make you way more connected than texting.

    #663064 Reply

    peggy

    I agree 100% with Aida-and you need to stop being so needy and looking to him to “shore you up”. I get that you are in a foreign country and have medical issues,but still.. Turn to family or friends for support more.

    #663065 Reply

    redcurleysue

    Has this fighting started when you went out of the country?

    #663066 Reply

    Pamela

    I don’t think it’s necessarily the texting, you would probably still fight no matter what mode of communication you have.

    I sense that yes you need more attention, but maybe there are other things you feel you are not getting from him, in other words you feel your needs and expectations are not being met.

    This can cause the frustration you are feeling and when you bring it up he gets offended and defensive and you then get into fights.

    There is more going on and until those issues are addressed and resolved you will continue this pattern.

    After a while this will kill your relationship, you are only 8 months in you should still be getting to know each other and getting closer not fighting so much.

    Hope you both come to some compromise and get it sorted out.

    #663099 Reply

    Amanda

    You can ask him for more attention, ONCE. But what is the point of asking again and again? If he doesn’t listen, then you can either accept him for who he is or you can move on. You are going round and round for no reason.

    #663101 Reply

    Raven

    What are your ages?

    #663102 Reply

    Lane

    I don’t understand how or why couples fight?!?? Honestly, I was married for over 20 years and we had less than 10 arguments, and maybe one fight (he drove drunk one night and laid into him).

    I’ve just never got into fights with men I’m in a relationship with…don’t see the point of it really

    #663134 Reply

    Nat

    Our ages are 22. We used to fight before because we have very different personalities but never like now. Those constant fights started very soon after I left. I strongly believe that every problem in a relationship can be fixed if we both love each other and care but I kind of lost all my self confidence in this… Like my boyfriend despite the fights says he still loves me but I’m afraid this love might fade away

    #663142 Reply

    Hannah

    I strongly believe that every problem in a relationship can be fixed if we both love each other and care

    I hate to say it, but this is where you’re wrong! Trust me, I’m twice your age and thought the same when I was 22. But you come to realise you have to be compatible too. That’s why it’s so difficult for people to find “the one”. If it was just a case of loving someone, it would be easy. But there’s much more to it than that.

    You have to want the same things, have the same values, priotise each other the same way. Most importantly, your heart AND head have to be happy in the relationship, not just your heart.

    It does sound though as if you’re being a bit needy. You’re bored in hospital but he has a life to lead. You can’t expect him to be at your beck and call. If texting causes fights, why not actually talk to each other on the phone?

    #663147 Reply

    Nat

    We both came to a conclusion we need to stop texting. I’m just afraid it’s too late for that… Like I wonder if 3 weeks of fighting can make it so bad it’s not fixable

    #663333 Reply

    Sophia

    If you never fought before I’d chalk the three weeks of fighting up to the distance, but since you say you used to flight because you’re too different personalities, then I think there’s no coming back from the recent constant fighting. Sorry.

    #664671 Reply

    Stephen G

    Two months abroad for surgery? Are you undergoing SRS? If you are please know I am not judging you in any way,shape or form. I only mention this because if the OP is a trans woman it adds a whole new dimension to her problem. If you aren’t undergoing SRS then consider the advice given by the others above. I wish you well.

    #668061 Reply

    Betteroffsingle

    It sounds like it’s more about your complaining than the texting.

    Who likes a complainer?

    Some people won’t put up with complaining. They see it as a waste if time. ‘Instead of complaining you could be doing something about it.’

    Be strong. You’re doing ok without him right now though you miss him and wish he was there with you. Hope everything turns out ok.

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