casual sex mixed signals


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This topic contains 15 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Isabel 5 days, 1 hour ago.

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  • #712442 Reply

    chen

    hey

    im 27 and i have casual sex with somone who is 22 he is in the army and come home every weekend \ or after 3 weeks

    anyway,

    first time we met in his house talking,drinking and had sex.

    then i flew to a big trip of 2 month and in this 2 month he keept the contact every weekend , we talked, sexting and pics.

    after i came back from the trip we started seeing each other every weekend , he is the one initiating (texting me hey and tell me to come over)

    but when we meet he says i missed you, kissing me a lot and holding my hand a lot,

    last time i was suppused to come over but i told him i want to go to the beach first, and then i come over

    then he was like “wanna pick me up and we will go together ?”, so i did and we hang out at the beach,

    it was fun he hold my hand a LOT and he asked me this:

    “dont you want to get married?” i said ” i do want, i will do it when i meet the right man”

    he asked if im dating ppl i said i dont have power for this now.. and then he asked ” would you have marry me ? ”

    i said ” why ?u want to get married?” he “not now.. in a year or two” i said “get me a ring and ill think about it” and laught..

    also i told him im going to a club near hes house on friday and he says “gusse where i am on friday?”

    and i said “NOO ur not going out to this club with me” he said “why ? u wanna hit on boys ??”

    i said no and that i dont hit on boys. but if i see him hit on a girl ill stop taking to him so i dont want us to be in this situation together.

    so then he told me on friday hes going to a weekend of poolparties.. somere else

    so i just told him, listen do what ever u want just use a condom (as we together dont use a condom and dont worry we have been tested so its ok!)

    and he was like ” why do u think thats what going to be?” as if he saying im not gonna do stuff like that

    i told him i dont care what happens just use condom, and that was it.

    and when i with him he like telling me how pretty i am and i should be a model blabla

    also i saw him taking pic of me after i got back from the sea but acted as if i didnt see.. idk why he did it

    and then after 4 hours at the beach we went to eat and his house showring and having sex

    before i went i cuddeld with him for 1 minute and in the cuddle he tapped my back – i got so annoyed cause i think its a sign that he didnt want to cuddle.. so then i told him i need to go and left

    now – in the past time we met he also asked me if i want to get married in general ( i gusse cause im 27 he think i should get married lol) and also took pics of me and him toghther and a kissing pic.

    i dont know how to get what he feels.. i mean he doenst need to be nice to me to get sex as this is the realatioship

    and also he is super nice when we together but after i leave no conntact until the next weekend ( i dont text at all.. rearly 1-2 times when i was drunk)

    what do u think ? why does he asking me all this qustions? does he have somthing for me ? also holding hands its like his fav thing i didnt have that with other guys.

    you think i should initiate more?
    i really wanna get whats going to his head with this qustions..

    thanks!



    #712445 Reply

    Lane

    Your really 27? The way you write and act around him I would have though you were closer to 17 who had no dating skills. Your trying to act like the ‘cool girl’ and failing miserably. A cool girl doesn’t play games; she doesn’t say one thing but want another; and she has an awesome life with plenty of suitors who’s she’s out meeting and getting to know and only when she find the best one; will chose him over the others because she won his heart by eing her true authentic self.

    A true cool girl would not be running to be with a man for sex when he snaps his fingers, Nope that man would have to plan a lot of dates that are not about sex but building positive memories together to ensure she doesn’t have time to spend with other men (his competition) and he remains on top. This man will also lock her down quickly (make her his GF), so she’s no longer free to date others.

    To put it bluntly your his easiest ‘booty call’—someone he’s having FUN with but has no intention of making you his GF. Men don’t mince words or give off mixed signals when they really like a lady that way. A man who’s falling or in love will TELL YOU and SHOW YOU what an awesome BF/husband he would make so you chose him over ALL the others. If a man is not doing any of this then he’s just not into you that way.

    Listen, he’s young, having fun and sowing his wild oats. When a man’s truly ready to settle down and make you his wife he will be VERY CLEAR about his intentions with you. In a nutshell, he’s just messing with ya.

    #712557 Reply

    chen


    thanks for the replay, i get what your saing and you are right,
    but right now i dont want to fall in love and i dont want a boyfriend(im starting a new job, going to move apartment and after big trip from abrod.. im taking my time) so im having fun with him and i know nothing will come out of it, he is not right for me as man anyways.
    just was intrested why would a guy that get the sex will act nice..thats it really not trying to be cool :\

    got my answer!!!
    thanks.

    #712560 Reply

    Pam

    Lane never fails to humiliate. The OP doesn’t speak or write English well, she isn’t an idiot. She asked a question and didn’t need to hear your commentary on how dumb she sounds for her age. Seriously, your hormones not working lately? Because you just don’t miss the chance to put people down lately.

    #712567 Reply

    Bedazzle


    Chen, men like women and they like spending time with women. They enjoy being affectionate and physical with a woman. It doesn’t mean anything. If he knows this is casual, then he is ok with that. He is just enjoying the time he is with you.

    #712611 Reply

    Emma

    Most humans do not make like horses. LOL They communicate, socialize, go eat out, etc. it is sad to hear how many women find that if a man behaves like a normal person to them that it is odd or weird.

    He asked you a question about marriage a couple of times, you reacted in a funny but very appropriate way, so leave it at that. Other than this question there is absolutely nothing unusual or odd or weird about the way he treats you. And the question could also be out of curiosity. If he is into you, you’ll know it. Nor time nor distance would matter.

    #712644 Reply

    Sarah

    Major respect to Pam for speaking out. Something I also noticed in a lot of Lane’s replies lately.

    I know she’s trying to help but there’s a nice way to go about it without rudely pointing out someone’s flaws.

    If everyone is an expert in dating like Lane, forums like this wouldn’t exist.

    Just saying.

    #712659 Reply

    chen

    thanks you girls! i kinda were with tears in my eyes when i read Lane replay
    and i gusse this is tough love but im really ok now with just having casual sex
    idk it made me feel like im acting wrong..

    reading your comments made me feel a lot better

    #712672 Reply

    Lane

    Chen, in hind sight I should have provided you some biology 101 to help explain what your experiencing. Women were not designed to have casual encounters because of the hormones we secrete when having sex, such as oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin, vassopresin, etc. which is the same mixture of hormones that BONDS a woman to their newborn child—it is very powerful stuff!

    In your HEAD your telling yourself you don’t want a relationship, you don’t need a BF, you’ve got too much going on in your life; however your hormones are driving the show which is why your searching for any clue, word, and conversation to show he likes you more than he’s letting on because YOUR becoming attached. Here’s the problem, men do not receive the high dose of hormones woman do during sex, in fact, theirs is fully depleted by the time they ejaculate so they don’t receive those bonding feelings like woman do and actually need space (like rolling over) to recoup and get their hormonal levels, especially testosterone, back to normal.

    This is why men can have sex and enjoy the company of many women and not develop any bond or attachment with them. Women on the other hand weren’t designed this way, the opposite actually, so you can try to fake it by acting like the cool girl who can do casual which is I based my first response on but your body is fighting back by telling you, you can’t or you wouldn’t care what he says; how he acts; nor would you be spending any time trying to decode him or seek out answers as to what he’s thinking or feeling. In a nutshell, if you were truly OK with casual you wouldn’t give a darn.

    #712693 Reply

    chen

    thank you for your answer :)
    i Appreciate it and how fast the replay are.

    #712694 Reply

    Pam

    In hindsight, you don’t sound like a 17 year old. Some people can’t admit they are hurtful and instead cover it up with a response that isn’t snarky.

    #712714 Reply

    Bedazzle

    I do agree with Pam on this one…..

    #712731 Reply

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    #712735 Reply

    Emma

    Lane has two adult boys, I think she can’t help it but filter all posts through the eyes of a mom, as if defending her boys.

    If a woman makes a mistake by ALLOWING something wrong, the burden of the responsibility is always fully on the woman. Whereas it takes two to tango. LOL

    Yes a woman needs to learn how to protect herself, but this does not remove the responsibility from the man’s shoulder for behaving like a jerk or taking advantage of her or simply having inadequate manners.

    If a guy ignores you, but you try to contact him again, it is a mistake on your part, but the ignoring business is still on HIM. It is HIM who is rude, and Lane often skips this part LOL

    #712746 Reply

    Lane

    Thanks Emma. It’s true I do filter these posts from a mom’s POV; although its not to protect my sons it’s how I would approach it if I had daughter, to protect or help them navigate it the way my father did with me//-I know how men operate lol

    I honestly believed her age was a typo based on how she wrote it! There are very young ladies who will fudge their age to get advice knowing if they told us their real age they wouldn’t get the advice their after. If she’s 27 I apologize and hope she stops doing the casual thing as it’s obvious she’s not cut out for it and that’s the true lesson i hope she learned from this experience

    As a side note, I’m th one my sons come to for dating and relationship advice, as my younger son said “dad will just tell me to hit it” yet that’s not what he wanted to hear. They both know I don’t sugar coat it, keep It real, call them out on stuff they need to be called out for but also tell them what they need to know about women so they can be good men to them.

    #712749 Reply

    Isabel


    I would move on it sounds like he’s just having fun and you guys are fwb. End it if you don’t want that

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