Can I save my feelings for him


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This topic contains 14 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Anne 2 weeks, 4 days ago.

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  • #668533 Reply

    Estee

    I would be so thankful to get great advice to help me with my relationship right now.please take time to read and it would help a lot.
    I have a man I’m with for a year now,and it’s an ldr. I’m planing to move there but things not easy so waiting patiently is very much needed. I love him.and no doubt that he loves me too,so much. We have 15 years age gap. The sad part is that he questions me a lot and make me feel so pressured and suffocated. He don’t like the way I dress. Hes always jealous about the people I’m with. I understand the distance but do you think it’s fair? I love him and I’m a person that dont go out often,just home most of the time and work.I don’t smoke and drink. He wants me to report every details of everyday. He wants to get my email and all passwords I have even on fb and all. He’s the only one I love and I know this. If we are together he dont want me to talk to other people. He wants to tall all the time that I can’t even rest. Everytime I say I’m tired he get mad and he says I don’t miss him. I do but just tired from work and still have to do stuff at home cause I have kids. From all that, we fight all the time. I want to save the relationship and keep the love I have but I admit it’s getting less. Please help me what to do.

    #668538 Reply

    Betteroffsingle

    STAY WHERE YOU ARE AND GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS ‘RELATIONSHIP’ BEFORE YOU ARE IN DEEPER!

    This guy sounds like a total control freak. A very insecure one at that.

    You feel pressured and suffocated because it’s going against the grain of your natural state. He’s expecting you to be someone you’re not. Not liking the way you dress or being jealous of the people you talk to. Imagine what personal freedoms he will try to take away from you when you move in with him? Relationships should have a certain level of freedom in it (which goes along with trust and it seems he doesn’t trust you which makes me wonder wtf he is hiding)

    The love you have for him is getting less because you feel stifled and controlled. You’re better off dating someone in your age group in your area.

    #668539 Reply

    Amanda

    This is not normal. If this is a real post please get this guy out of your life. He is NOT a good guy. He will make you miserable and you deserve better. It is good it is a LTR, because it will be much easier for you to break up with him and move on.

    #668542 Reply

    Estee

    It’s a real post and a real situation. It’s the first time I had this kind of relationship. I feel loved and wanted. He wants to talk 24 hours which shows how much he’s into me. But on the other side of this, is I gradually feeling so pressured. When I have events at work he dont want me to go. I stopped going out with friends and even going to get grocery I have to rush too. Does this kind of guy can change?
    Thank you ladies for the words.

    #668544 Reply

    Pammy

    Wanting to talk to you 24 hours doesn’t mean he loves you. It means he wants to control you. I would be my first child that this man is cheating on you and probably has a gf on the side. You should never give over absolute power to anyone. Even your husband. That’s crazy! I assume you are very young and not experienced with men. Read up n controlling and abusive relationships. You obviously have a lot of spare time. Ediucate yourself about your situation. You obviously know it is wrong if you searched out a dating forum to ask this question. Of course it’s not normal. Don’t you have friends that have already told you this? No one here is going to ty to stick around for this man.

    #668549 Reply

    Raven

    This is not a Lovin relationship… It’s controlling & will turn abusive.

    How long have you known this man?
    How did you meet?
    How often do you see each other?
    What is the longest period of time you two have spent together?

    #668571 Reply

    Phillygirl

    This is NOT love. It’s dysfunction, toxic, and all about his control issues.

    This is not the way a healthy and mutually respectful relationship operates.

    I was with a guy like this when I was 19. He had some very serious emotional issues.

    He tried to play it off like he was just “protective and concerned” because he loved me so much.

    It was not love. It was a living nightmare. He also tried to tell me how to dress, who I could speak to, hang out with, and what to do (or what I was not “allowed” to do). I was an honest, faithful GF, and he was just an abuser.

    He alienated most of my friends, then started doing everything he could to alienate me from my family. That was the final straw. We were together FOUR years, and engaged, when it finally ended. Four years too long!

    In his mind, he was supposed to be my whole life, and I was supposed to be his. Real relationships that are healthy and based on mutual respect and understanding do NOT TRY TO CONTROL one another.

    This man is trouble. If you have a child that is ALL THE MORE REASON to get out of this relationship ASAP. You child does not need to see this kind of relationship emulated for him (or her). They will grow up thinking it’s normal or acceptable…when it is anything but!

    I hope you get some professional counseling, you need a better understanding of what healthy true love really looks like.

    This is the polar opposite of that.

    #668584 Reply

    Suzanne

    You feel loved and wanted cuz he wants to talk to you 24/7?? Girl, thats not love. Thats obsession. And I strongly believe that if you move together with him, you are in DANGER. Like real danger.
    He has problems and needs professional help. For your sake and sake of your kids, get as far as you can from him. No joke. Good luck

    #668644 Reply

    Estee

    Thank you so much for the advice. I am from Asia he’s from the US and he visits every 3 months. But I agree that he’s really a controlling and so needy. I’ve lost friends on fb too because he dont want guys to comment and likes my post don’t even want me to post selfie. When we argue he gets mad and say ill words that I can’t take. He felt sorry after. I’m about to there but worried as well as my family.I just don’t know how to leave .I always find myself back to him

    #668655 Reply

    Betty

    Break it off immediately. He’s sick.

    #668656 Reply

    Nellie

    R.U.N.

    #668671 Reply

    Bella

    This man does not love you, he loves controlling you.
    Try to see how he is emotionally tearing you apart. This will be bad for your kids too when you move to the US.

    Maybe reconsider your relationship.

    #668685 Reply

    Raven

    If you couple with this guy, you will be a prisoner in your own home…

    #668706 Reply

    catherine

    This can only get worse so get out right now. Once you live together he will have total control and you will lose what little sense of self you have now. You will become his puppet and it will destroy you. This is how domestic abuse and wife battering starts. LEAVE.

    #668710 Reply

    Anne

    Ok you have received correct advice. Now you know the reality. It’s up to you to decide to be a victim or not. Be strong and smart.

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