Can I fix this?


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  • #821258 Reply
    Marissa

    Starting talking to a guy on a dating app, which turned into texting pretty much all day, everyday and he would call a lot and FaceTime. I was nervous, so I was pushing off meeting him. Finally I just said.. I need to meet him. We ended up sleeping together and spending the night. I feel like after that night, I started over analyzing and doing the typical wrong things to do and started pushing him away. To the point where he said that he likes me a lot, but he doesn’t think he could be everything I need right now. I didn’t even realize that I was giving off that needy vibe. He said maybe we can slow down, be friends and see if things grow from there. A couple of nights ago, I asked him to come over just to be physical. He came over and we had amazing sex. It felt like he had so much going on in his head when he looked at me, but didn’t verbalize it. After sex, we were lying in bed, I was watching tv laughing and he was facing me and looking at me the whole time. I just don’t know if I ruined things too much already… or is there a way for me to fix things?

    #821305 Reply
    Sandybean

    You’re not giving any information about how you pushed him away and what you supposedly did wrong.

    All I know is that you met him twice, had sex with him twice, and told him the second time he was over that you are only looking for sex that night. Before that, he told you he’s not interested in a relationship with you and can only see you two being friends. You the offered benefits. And that where you’re at now: you’re strangers (who might become friends) with benefits.

    There is nothing to fix based on what you said. He’s not interested in you. And unless anything major happened apart from the two times you met, this has nothing to do with you. He’s just not feeling it. And there is nothing you can do about that.

    One thing for you to consider: if you easily get anxious when starting to date someone, it might be better to wait a little to have sex. Simple because it will create a sense of intimacy that is purely physical and not a reflection of how well you know each other. So if you give yourself more time, you might get a chance to bond with that person and feel a bit calmer.

    #821615 Reply
    Lane

    Do you know that thousands of woman have written the same scenario on here that you did and the man bounced? Too many to count because women and men feel intimacy very differently. Men are not women and when you attempt to project how you feel things v. how a man is actually feeling it, you are setting yourself for a big fall.

    Additionally, women experience sex the opposite of how men experience it. Women are loaded with hormones (oytocin, seretonin, dopamine, etc.) that increases during and after sex. Its the same cocktail of hormones woman feel when they hold their newborn child for the first time, so it very powerful stuff that ladies need to be super careful with, especially when when it comes to having sex with men they hardly know. Problem with having sex with strangers is that men feel or experience sex the way woman do. Nope, men have the OPPOSITE experience where their hormones, especially testosterone are fully depleted, especially after sex which is why don’t catch feelings for a lady when the deed is done and are able to go on their merry way without another though about you.

    You set yourself up for sex only here. Sure he will GLADLY come over and have easy sex with you, when you proffer it up but 10-1 that’s all it will ever be because he clearly told you that. Men don’t play cat and mouse emotional games like woman do. They are pretty much straight shooters…what they say [or do] is what you get. He offered you a “FWB” or “NSA”, so either accept it will be sex only based with this one or try again with another guy but try to keep sex off the table until you are pretty certain he’s not in it for sex as your sex hormones muck your head up way too much.

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