Can a guy change his mind from wanting only FWB?


Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice Can a guy change his mind from wanting only FWB?

  • This topic has 17 replies and was last updated 9 years ago by ashley H.
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  • #404877 Reply
    Hannah Primrose

    There is this one guy i have been talking to for a while now. We get on well, but he told me he doesn’t want a relationship, but wouldn’t mind being FWB. I I am kind of torn because i am very attracted to him and i don’t know if i want anything too serious, but at the same time i would rather take the “see how it goes approach” to things, rather than be so set from the beginning on it never being more.

    I am not majorly into him, although i would say i like him more than he likes me seems i wouldn’t be totally against a relationship if things went well, but at the same time i am not really actively pursuing one. We just kind of met and i started to like him (We also haven’t hung out that many times, so it isn’t like my feelings are really strong yet).

    He talks to me daily and wants to hang out with me. He said regardless of whether i want to do sexual things or not, he still wants to see me. I do like him as a person, and enjoy his company, but i am not sure if i am wasting my time seeing him? I don’t feel like i need to cut off contact with him or anything like that, but at the same time i don’t want to keep seeing someone i enjoy hanging out with if their only goal is to bed me. Thoughts? Is it possible a guy could change their mind?

    #404879 Reply
    talllady

    This man is being very clear with you. If you enter and think you can change him, you are falling into the trap of thinking you will be an exception to the rule. You never are. Women are not exceptions to men’s rules. Men decide to change and then date the next one the comes along who did not take the crumbs she was give. Who are you, a crumb taker or a loaf taker? Don’t make his crumb a loaf, you will end up hungry and sad.

    Men don’t change their mind and you will drive yourself crazy and look low status in trying.

    #404880 Reply
    Laura L.

    Hannah- Don’t do this!!! You are headed down a bad path. Once you have sex, you most likely will get attached…and it sounds like you’re already too invested.

    Do you think he’s sitting at his computer on a forum asking questions about YOU?

    No, he’s not.

    This will only end in hurt. He doesn’t value you, and you deserve better.

    #404881 Reply
    Hannah Primrose

    Thanks, yeah i think you guys are right. Assuming the whole still wanting to be friends even if i don’t want to do stuff is bs? Lol. How do you think i should approach it? Tell him no but i don’t mind being just friends?

    #404883 Reply
    Laura L.

    Right. IF you want him in your life as a friend (and you can handle that WITHOUT having sex with him) then go ahead. Just be clear to him that you are worth so much more than a FWB relationship and that you are saving that intimacy for someone who wants you and only you in a committed relationship.

    And then – don’t sit around hoping he’ll change his mind. He won’t. And if he does, I would be VERY cautious because it could be just bc he wants to have sex with you. Any guy that says those things to you DOES NOT care about you.

    I wouldn’t want him as a friend, personally. He doesn’t think very much of you.

    #404884 Reply
    talllady

    Who knows if it is BS or not? If you like him as a person, and can stay away from funny business, then just make it clear you are just friends. Otherwise, just be less available and fade out or tell him you don’t need more friends…

    #404887 Reply
    Hannah Primrose

    So are you saying any guy that asks for FWB does not think much of the girl? I am asking for future reference too.

    #404888 Reply
    Laura L.

    Hannah – there are no absolutes.

    I’m sure there are some cases where folks have FWB relationships and do actually care about each other…but I haven’t seen one personally. Some of the women here may have had them. I just think in this case – that’s what it sounds like, but only you know the entire situation and can make those types of calls.

    Usually, it’s a relationship where the girl is just settling for it because he won’t commit – even if she doesn’t admit it to herself.

    A FWB relationship is for people who are very mature emotionally and mentally, and do not have ANY romantic feelings for each other.

    #404903 Reply
    redcurleysue

    Hi Hannah,

    Men are different than women. Although I cannot relate to this I believe it…men say they can have sex with no feelings attached at all.

    So what does FWB mean to a man…I believe it does not necessarily mean the “friends” part the way we think it…I think it means sex with no one mad at each other.

    So when a man suggests FWB take it as pure sex and nothing else.

    Men can have sex – have a friend – have love and all these can be separate.

    #404908 Reply
    Laura L

    Red! I’ve never heard it described like that, but I think in my head that’s how I think of it.

    So they can have sex with you and you can’t get mad because you ‘agreed’ to a FWB relationship.

    #404921 Reply
    Linda

    Correct. They offer the FWB card and when you agree, he thinks there is a ‘understanding’ between you, that he cannot be blamed for at a later date.

    Of course a man offers FWB. He gets to hang out with a girl he likes, and have sex with her. There is no downside for him. Once the friendship is over, so what? Women are too caught up in the word ‘friendship’. It isn’t a friendship, its nothingness.

    FWB NEVER EVER EVER works. The only way to ever have even a 5% chance of turning this situation around is, a) never have sex with him and remain friends only and date other people b) date other people and don’t spend any time with him at all.

    The ONLY way men ever realize they want a women is if they pick them. I’ve seen ‘friends’ hang around for years and then marry in the end, but there was never any sex involved.

    #404923 Reply
    Lane

    Ladies, not ALL FWBs are the same so don’t paint them all with the same brush. I do agree that the two parties must emotionally mature and not be looking for anything deeper than a superficial friendship that may or may not include spending time doing non sexual things while also doing sexual things.

    I’ve had two FWBs and they were/are perfect for me at this point in time in my life (long marriage with two adult sons). The first was a couple years after my divorce where I still had absolutely NO DESIRE to be in another relationship and we would ‘hook up’ once a month (if I wasn’t busy) as he lived in another state and came to my city a few days. It worked perfectly for me, no attachments and freed me up to do what I want, when I want, anytime I wanted. After a year got bored, ended it and never spoke again…easy peasy.

    My current one is totally OPPOSITE! He acts more like a BF than a friend as he lives close by and over the course of the past 16 months has continually made majority of the contact and scheduling of dates 1-2 times a week along with romantic getaways. I know he likes me more than I do him, whereas he’s the one who been more emotional at times and displaying his feelings but I refuse to take the bait. I don’t want anything serious, don’t want a BF and don’t see him in my future so I like it the way it is…easy peasy.

    Now there are some very small cases where it can evolve into a relationship, but that has more to do with the man than the woman. A man initially may not think he wants a relationship and then finds himself falling in love with the FWB. Its super rare though and I think in these cases the man was ready and really liked her but trying to avoid his true feelings and eventually can’t lie to himself or her any longer.

    Please be very clear that this is NEVER the path I would personally take with a man if I was wanting something more, e.g. a relationship. You need to be REAL with yourself because if your just pretending to not want something then an FWB will backfire you in a very bad way. Take him at his word and never engage sexually with a man if you like him more than he likes you…its a road map to heartache!

    #404929 Reply
    babe

    yes, happened to me. the guy was my friends, we started a fwb relationship, then after knowing each other better he fell in love with me and we been together for 3.5 years crazy in love…then the distance separated us and I guess this is no longer going anywhere…

    #404937 Reply
    Angie

    It sounds like you really like him and you’re not going to be able to compartmentalise things if you enter a FWB. If you want a FWB, fine, but this is not the guy to do it with. If you want to be his friend then do that, but I think with the way you feel, even a friendship with this guy is going to leave you wanting more. It might not be what you want to hear but if I were you id keep my distance from this guy and try to put a stop to your feelings for him.

    I have a FWB and it only works as I am fully aware he is not boyfriend material. I know he only sees me in this way too so there’s no point even thinking of going down that road. It’s purely fulfilling a need. Nothing more, nothing less.

    #405360 Reply
    Ivy

    If a man says he wants an FWB then regardless of how he treats you, lovingly, romanticly or not, then this is all he wants and the chance that he will change his mind into wanting a relationship is very very very slim.

    If you want to be in a FWB with him then go for it.

    if you think you will be in a FWB but secretly hope for a relationship, or fall in love with him and then hope for a relatioship then you are risking something very fragile, your heart, on a man that gave his honest truth on what he wants up front, take it or leave it.

    And it doesn’t matter how wonderful the FWB, if that is what he wants that is still only what it will be and if you are not ok with that then you need to think about this a bit more before you continue with him

    Good luck

    #405365 Reply
    talllady

    FWB totally work, but only if you are really on the same page. Same needs and wants. It is not an entry way into a relationship….

    #405381 Reply
    JD

    Yes I guy can change his mind about a FWB relationship. It all depends on why the only want a FWB relationship. Is it with you he only wants a FWB or does he only wants a FWB relationship with anyone. This is important to know.
    I had a FWB that started out as hooking up first and the friendship came second. He wasn’t ready to date and I was to busy with school and had crappy self esteem. This lasted for a year when he ended it cause he meet a girl he wanted to date. We didn’t talk for the entire three months of their relationship cause she didn’t trust our friendship. Which was fine cause I was busy with school and moving. I did miss the friendship because for that past year he helped me with myself esteem. When his relationship ended he got back in contact with and we started our FWB relationship up again. But this time it was different cause I now lived 3 hours away, so I would spend the weekend at his place usually once a month if not more. This lasted for a year before I went to end it because I developed feelings for him. I told him this and that we could be friends but no more sex because that wasn’t fair to me. We didn’t talk for two weeks till he called me and said he hated LDR but I am worth it. That was over a year ago and we just got engaged.
    I went into my FWB without the expectation or hope for it to be more. There was not pressure for it to work or for a relationship. If that how you go into to this FWB it may change into more it may not. But if you do start to develop feels for hi than you have to let him know.
    Best of luck to you

    #405393 Reply
    ashley H

    I don’t exactly have a normal FWB but a few of my exes and possibly my girlfriend. I might go into a time with them that was role play sex. or others exes and no I might video chat on skype and they masturbate to me stripping. It’s not a normal time and I like the the chatting because I can do more rules with it. I even had been a mistriss to two guys thats a FWB and a half. I mainly those type that I may not even be attracted to. I know it’s weird but it’s no strings attached some even like that scrap and when I’m not in the mood or am with somone I say no some beg like puppies others are like ok. One I do it because the poor girl would be who I’d go for if I didn’t have the one I’m with now. Bless her heart I’d like to shoot all her exes her newst ones especally. A poor singaporan girl whos shy and abused she knows my feelings and never begs me for anything.

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