Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Call off the wedding because of a Rose emoji?!
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Emily.
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Hailey
So me and my fiancé are getting married next month and the other night we were talking and he was on his phone and i glanced at his phone and in his message log there was a name “Beth” and their was a rose emoji in the message…So I asked him who did he send a rose too and he asked what am i talking about. And I said in your message log there is a rose there, who is it for?
Him: he opens his message log and opens that conversation, then he says that shes just a friend.
Me: okay so you send rose emojis to your female friends?
Him; yes whats wrong with that?
(Keep in mind that a long time ago I sent a heart emoji to a male friend and he broke up with me for a week because of that)
Me: you don’t think theres anything wrong with u sending her a rose?
Him: what happened was that I ran into a friend and she came up in the conversation and she was a really good friend of mine in the past so I asked the person for her number to see how she’s doing.
This was the conversation:
Him: hi
Her: whose this
Him: Alex
(then a separate emoji with the rose emoji)The conversation was about a week ago and she never replied after he said who he was….my thing is that if she was such a good friend (sister) of his in the past then why didn’t she reply. I honestly think that it was probably an ex of his.
Then he just got really defensive and said that one day he’ll hang out with her and he’ll FaceTime me with her so that I can see that she’s just a friend. So aside of texting her, he’s making Plans to meet and hang out with her…
Idk if i’m overreacting or what but I find that very disrespectful especially since back then he used to be a mega player… Why did he have to send a rose? And i honestly dont believe his story about he asked around for her number.
I feel like he met some girl around and he got her number and thats why he text her his name.
So the same night of this we were talking about the situation on the phone and he was walking around his neighborhood. He went insode this lounge to say hi to his friend, and then he says hi to his friend and says
“Damn the women in here be looking sexy on monday nights, i should come in here more often”
I mean why would you say that while i’m on the phone?! I just hung up on him and we havent spoken since.
First the Rose thing and now this….idk but i am thinking of calling off the wedding. I feel like i lost all trust for him.
patsytshirt
if small things like an emoji give room for doubt and insecurity, you shouldn’t marry him. you don’t trust him and it will only get worse through the years. A mega player will never change. My sister was dating a guy a while ago who freaked out like a drama queen just because she replied a childhood friend with cute emoticons on instagram. I’m not saying you are overreacting but if your relationship gets shaky because of an emoji, is best you don’t marry that man.
Evonne
Hi Hailey,
I just read your post and it’s a very interesting situation. It sounds like, from what you posted and your gut feeling, he may be contacting another young lady. It also sounds like he likes to look around. You mentioned he was a major player of some sort before you all became involved/engaged.
In my opinion, if was a player but reformed and has turned over a new leaf, then that would be a different story. However, just from your posts, if he is behaving in such a manner that causes you to question his loyalty, just from past knowledge, it is the same behavior you will have to deal with after the wedding. Question is, are you willing to overlook the fact that it appears you may not be able to trust him in the area of other women before or after you get married. I don’t particularly like telling others exactly what to do, it is best if they make the decision themselves, but Hailey, just from your posts I see a red flag, that should be addressed before the wedding. Once you are married, it’s going to be an issue. All the best, hun!Ivy
I think you have to talk with this guy a bit more before marrying him. One thing I learned is that whatever bothers you in the early days and yes this is early, is going to bother you down the road. Now, I don’t know if messaging a friend with a rose emoticon is a bad thing, but the thing is that you don’t think this is what happened. You know he was a player before, you think that this is a random girl he met so you think he is lying to you, and he made that comment so you could hear about the Mon night club. I can’t say cause I don’t know the guy, but I think you need to tell him “Hey, I have a thought and perhaps I am wrong, but I am thinking that since you had to tell her your name that she isn’t a friend but was a girl you met, is this correct?” And you also need to ask him directly about his comment about going to the club for the monday night hot girls, that is not how a happily non-player married to be man talks. Ask him why he said that and if he thinks going to a club on a Monday night to check out hot girls is something he considers to be acceptable married man behavior. You deserve to know this before you tie the knot with him. And last, I truly do not trust player men, they practiced their ways, they got good at it, and it’s hard for them to leave that behind unless they get really really tired of the lifestyle. Sure, they do commit, I know player guys who have girlfriends and the gf’s are confident women who probably think, damn, I tamed a player guy, but guess what — those same guys, they brag about cheating behind thir gf’s back, and this is a man that asked the girl to marry him, yes, he wanted the girl, yes he liked the idea of commitment, but yes, he still cheated.
So be careful now. He might be reformed, he might not be, you deserve to know so ask the right questions and maybe even put the wedding off to be sure he acts like a commitment ready man.
Ivy
Oh and how long have you romantically been with this guy? And is this the first time that you feel you don’t trust him?
Hailey
About a year @Ivy
He claims that ever since he met m he doesnt want to be with anyone else…and that he was never happy in his previous lifestyle. But I still have many doubts.
CiCi
WOW this guy can’t really be that dumb, can he? To say he should go to a place more often bc the girls are hot while you are on the phone with him is so disrespectful and just plain stupid!! And maybe the girl in the text did not reply because they spoke on the phone instead. Idk all sounds pretty fishy if you ask me. Do you think he’s doing all of this on purpose so you don’t want to go through with the wedding? (which I don’t think you should by the way).
Diva
Hey Hailey! Sorry you’re going through this first off… Your fiancé seems a little sketchy and you should really take your time in marrying him… Also CiCi bought up a good point! Maybe he can be doing this on purpose! You should not marry a man you have doubts about…
Jennifer
Hi there,
When I read your post all I could think was “REALLY?” Especially the comment that he made while you were on the phone and he was at the club. He’s definitely not being respectful towards you and taking your feelings into consideration with a comment like that.
As for the rose emoji, it may or may not be something to be concerned about, but either way, if YOU can’t trust him and have doubts, then you should NOT marry him. Say the emoji really is an innocent thing…great, but you are about to commit to a lifetime to this man. This is not actually about the rose emoji. It is about your trust for him and it appears your gut is telling you that you do not trust him.
I have a male colleague who is very friendly with females. He is married to one of our coworkers. At first this made me feel really uncomfortable (especially at work!), but I quickly learned he is just a super friendly guy and it seems there’s something in him that feels the need to make ALL women feel appreciated and respected. I’ve watched his wife as he interacts with other women and he does nothing differently whether she’s around or not. I finally asked her one day if it bothered her how friendly he was with all of the women and she said absolutely not. That he was raised to respect women and the way he cares for people is one of the reasons she fell in love with him. (That’s awesome for them. If it were me, I would have a really hard time with my husband telling other women they look nice or always wanting to know how their day is going, etc., so I probably wouldn’t be able to stay in the relationship even if it was completely innocent.)
Best of luck. If you don’t go through with the marriage, or decide to postpone for the time being, it’s of course going to be difficult. But if it isn’t meant to be, you’re going to be saving yourself so much hurt in the long run and by making the right choice for you, no matter how painful, there will come a day when you are thankful for that.
Ivy
Haiely, About a year is not long enough to know if this guy is compatible or marriage material, especially if you are under 35 which I think you might be. Why are the two of you moving so quickly? This is life decision that you have doubts about which are reasonable at this point. And you really do need to be comfortable talking with him about your doubts because communication is essential in a marriage. Maybe the two of you should consider pre-maritial counseling. Do the work now, even if the two of you make it to the alter, doing the work, confronting the doubts, talking about the issues, exploring lack of trust, it has to be done now — not later.
Stefanie
If the dude said that and knew you would hear it, either he was trying to get a rise out of you or he was testing your reaction.
It sounds like there is more going on here than a mystery rose emoji. Slow down. Marry in haste, repent in leisure…
Emily
How old are you guys??? You are upset because he set someone a flower emoji??? Really??? You sent a guy a heart one, that’s far worse. You guys shouldn’t get married, you seem to be too unmature. Sorry!
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