Boyfriends family doesn’t like me


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This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Kathy 3 months ago.

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  • #692868 Reply

    Kari

    So I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. We get along great together. The problem is his family dislikes me—-his mom is the worst. We do have a age difference between us (I’m 30 and he’s 19.). I also have 3 kids from a previous relationship and he’s wonderful with them. I’m thinking that’s one of the reasons his mother hates me. She won’t talk bad about me but she does exclude me from everything. My boyfriend and I have a place together and she will ask when he’s going to invite her to dinner and frankly I feel like I shouldn’t invite her into my home when she’s never invited me to hers (childish I know, but it’s how I feel.). What do I do? Do I just accept she will always dislike me? I’m afraid that my insecurities with her always excluding my kids and myself from things that she wants to do “as a family” with her son will hurt the relationship between my boyfriend and me.



    #692872 Reply

    Amy S

    If i was mom i wouldnt want a 30 year old woman with 3 kids to be living with my 19 year old son. I get where shes coming from. Its not a relationship that anyone will be expecting to work out. Lets be realistic here shes not taking you serious as her sons long time partner. Just keep being nice to her and things should improve.

    #692881 Reply

    peggy


    Hi Kari-I think you need to consider his mom a little more here-he is still in his teens and with a woman ( you) likely not much more than 10 years older than you are. Now he is an “instant” Daddy and has not much time for her and himself and other activities guys at his age are doing. Also,if you were male and he were female-everyone would label it exploitation and it really is not much different
    here.
    Also he will likely not want to be with you for the long haul-as he has not really “lived” yet. I am sure there are exceptions but generally that is how this will play out. So,be aware of all that. He may get tired of playing house and decide to go to college etc. Does he work and contribute or are you footing the bills?
    How to deal with MOM? Be mindful of his time with his Mom. Invite her over and be nice as pie. If she brings it up-explsin that you get how he must feel etc. Then you can explain how wonderful her guy is… But I think this will be a tough sell.

    #692886 Reply

    Hannah

    He’s nearly half your age and a teenager. In some places, he’s not even considered an adult yet. I’m not surprised his mother doesn’t like the fact he’s with you, especially as you have 3 kids and got with him when he was 17 and a half. Is that even legal where you are?

    You know he’s going to grow up and want something different don’t you? I think his mother isn’t going to approve. She’s not going to invest in you when she knows her son won’t end up with you anyway. I don’t know anyone that’s still with the person they were with at 19. You change so much as you age.

    Think of you at 19 and you at 30. You’ve changed quite a lot right?

    Sorry to sound harsh. My mum was 19 when she met my Dad and he was 28, so it’s a similar age gap. But men mature so much more slowly than women. A 19 year old female is a woman. A 19 year old male is still going through puberty!

    #692889 Reply

    Hannah


    I miscalculated! Mum was 19, Dad was 26. It still look 3 years for her mother to like him and he didn’t have kids.

    #692905 Reply

    Raven

    He was 17 when you 2 started dating?!

    #692917 Reply

    Sunshine

    From a mothers stand point, your relationship with her son is not idea. Sorry to come off judgmental, but there is obviously the huge age difference (and it is not about the number, it is about what stage you are in life – 19 and 30 are two COMPLETELY different phases of where you are at in life) plus three kids is a lot, especially if he is not the biological father to any of them. I am going to assume she excludes you from things, because she most likely does not want you with her son. I am also kind of surprised at your, “well she won’t invite me to her house, so I don’t want to invite her to mine”, attitude, as it is extremely childish and also counter productive.. you should be wanting to make an extra effort to show his mom that her assumptions about you and your relationship with her son are wrong.. just my two cents.

    #692929 Reply

    Jackie

    You’re never going to win her over. You should be paying him to babysit your kids, not have him be their father. You’re living with her 19 year old son. Does that sound winnable to you?! Come on!

    #692963 Reply

    Lil

    to be honest I would not like my 19 year old son to have a 30 year old girlfriend with 3 children. He is not even a proper adult! Did you date him when he was under age which is illegal, if so, then it’s seriously a concern.

    #693853 Reply

    Kari

    We started dating way after he turned 18. He’s almost 20.

    #693854 Reply

    Kari

    No he was 18. He’s almost 20 now.

    #693855 Reply

    Kari

    No I wasn’t dating him when he was 17. We started dating well after he turned 18. He’s almost 20 now.

    #693859 Reply

    Kathy


    She wants her young son to meet someone that doesn’t already have a family. She probably wants her son to meet someone around his age and to start a family of his own one day.

    You do realize this young man will probably leave you one day, don’t you? You should probably find an older man if you want a longer lasting relationship.

    The fact that his mother wanted to come over to dinner says she was trying to get to know you. Believe it or not, that was nice on her part. If you want this to stand a chance, which I don’t think it has, I would have her over and be nice to her.

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