Boyfriend troubles?


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This topic contains 28 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Lane 6 days, 19 hours ago.

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  • #678455 Reply

    V

    Hello All!

    I have posted on here about my boyfriend a while ago. We have been together for 4 months now. Everything has been really good.. we hardly ever argue and when we are together it’s perfect… everything I could ever want right? Well I am very insecure, have an anxiety and tend to overthink…. so ladies he is a bad texter… I know he sees my texts but either he forgets or he just doesn’t know what to say.

    So the other day he told me I should start to take charge in what I want sexually so.. yesterday morning I sent him a picture of me.. during the time I sent it he was probably on his way to work… this picture of me was not a nude! But close enough… and he never replied to it… so I texted him again and he did reply saying “maybe we can do something tonight but I have class”. So I then again texted him saying I can bring food just for him to let me know.. and NOTHING!

    Was the picture I sent that bad?? I just have really bad anxiety and again tend to overthink what do you ladies think? He always tells me I have a nice body. This makes me not want to take charge anymore because he didn’t even compliment my picture… what should I do?

    #678457 Reply

    V

    What I am trying to get across is that I feel very ignored and now a little embarrassed for sending the picture. I do send him pictures but only when he asks for them. This time he didn’t ask and like I said I was “taking charge” and got shut down lol.. and he probably won’t contact me today… I could try and call him after work today but for some reason I feel like he won’t pick up. He is a very busy person…

    #678458 Reply

    Jan

    There is something to be said about timing. Sending a sexy pic to a man who is focused on getting to work and working isn’t good timing. Men tend to focus on one thing at a time. Plus I don’t think that’s what he meant by taking charge. He probably means, and you should ask, taking charge in the bedroom. Tell him what you want. Initiate sex, etc. sending a pic is sort of like foreplay. But if you send it at the wrong time it isn’t going to make much sense.

    And if you know texting isn’t his best mode of communication, then don’t use text to take charge or do these things. You just set both of you up for failure.

    How often do you see him? Do you talk by phone at all. Why won’t he pick up your call? I get being busy, but he has no down time at all to check in for a few minutes and say hi?

    Texting is so overrated and I don’t understand why women measure relationships by amount of texting. No need to be embarrassed, just understand that your timing on sending it didn’t make sense and he isn’t into texting much anyway.

    #678459 Reply

    V

    Jan,

    Thank you so much for your reply. You always give the best advice!! I saw him on Wednesday. We talk almost everyday, yes sometimes by phone. We hang out often and he even tells me sweet things when we are together such as, “I like having you next to me”. So I don’t think he meant to hurt my feelings either.

    I was just thinking maybe he could’ve gone to the bathroom and replied “hey I am at work” or something… instead of no reply at all. I agree texting is overrated. I just don’t know how to stop feeling this way… as in I feel like he ignores my texts but deep down I know he doesn’t.

    Again very low self esteem!! Not good.. but yes he has told me before that he doesn’t like texting.

    Yes about saying when I want sex. He also said to send me pictures when I want just not when he is at work… I sent it at 7am and he starts work at 8am.. so maybe I was in the wrong

    #678460 Reply

    Jan

    He said don’t send pics while he is at work and so you sent a pic when he was at work 🙁 Just stop doing that. It’s awkward for him too, I’m sure. Besides, getting a sexy pic when starting a work day doesn’t really do much. It isn’t like he can get worked up about it or see you in a few hours to have sex.

    Since he treats you really well otherwise, stop the texting. My husband and I only texted to make plans or give updates. Sometimes to flirt. Even when we were just dating. I hate texting and when people text me I am slow to respond unless it’s important and I hate having conversations on text. It’s a pain to type on a phone all the time. So i understand how your bf feels.

    Appreciate what you have. Not what you don’t. And practice patience and not needing constant connection and reassurance from him. It will be good for you and he will appreciate it.

    #678461 Reply

    V

    Very true. I agree with everything you said. So should I not bring up how this made me feel? And maybe apologize that it was so close to him being at work. I took some bad advice from a friend then.. she told me to send a picture early in the morning so he would be thinking about me all day then he will want to meet up after work… guess that didn’t work!

    But yes I agree I will stop with the texting… I just need to apologize to him.

    #678463 Reply

    Jan

    NO! What on earth do you need to apologize for? You sent a pic. Maybe he will respond later when it’s a more appropriate time. But let it go. There is nothing to apologize or feel bad for. You are way overthinking this. Forget about it and just have a good day!

    #678464 Reply

    Emma

    Sure he could have said “hey I am at work”, but if you expect that from men you’d always be disappointed. He is not ONLY preoccupied with you and how to make you feel better, you understand that right?

    If you know he starts work at 8 then why do you send a sex related pic at 7? Do you not get ready for work yourself? He clearly told you not to do it when he is at work. Getting ready for work is even more busy than being at work, what was so urgent that you couldn’t wait?

    You are insecure and sensitive about YOUR issues and yet so self focused that you can’t put yourself in his shoes and pick better timing, despite the fact that he clearly told you so? And then you complain and feel anxious. Women, women. LOL

    “Take charge” probably means to be more engaging in bed. More creative. I doubt he meant more texting. LOL

    If you want your man to miss you, do not text him, unless to reschedule or cancel or something that he needs to know right away. Do not text him at all. I know for some women it sounds impossible but I suggest you try. THEN he’d value every little text coming from you and will be sure to reply. Especially if it contains something nice for him in the right time for him to absorb it.

    #678465 Reply

    Jan

    And do not tell him how it made you feel. That is your issue and not his. He isn’t responsible for how you feel when you get yourself worked up to this level of stress over sending a text message. It wasn’t a text that even warranted a response. You are going to come across as insecure and needy and end up making him feel badly about nothing. You took the step to send a flirty pic. The timing wa ps wrong. He doesn’t know you are sitting around wanting a reaction. How would he? It’s all in your own head. Let it go.

    #678466 Reply

    Raven

    Stop it!

    Stop manufacturing things to be unhappy about!
    You two talk every day!
    You see each other often!

    You are not having boyfriend troubles…
    if continue this behavior you’ll have no BF to complain about.

    #678472 Reply

    V

    Thank you everybody.

    Yeah it does come off needy… I texted him quite a lot yesterday… did I mess things up??? I don’t know why I’m like this. I want to talk to him about the whole texting thing. And tell him I’m going to try and stop with the texting because I know he doesn’t really like it all that much. Yeah I know he doesn’t even know it’s bothering me that much. He never does… just hurt my feelings. Usually he leaves his house 7:30… so I thought it would just be something nice to wake up to in the morning that’s all… messed up again!

    #678476 Reply

    Jan

    Why are you so hard on yourself and manufacturing issues? You don’t have to tell a man you are going to stop doing something that is annoying, you simply stop doing it. Men don’t think like women. They don’t need to talk everything out. They are action oriented. So you simply taking action, wi5hout words, and easing up on the texting is all you need to do.

    What is so damn important you have to keep texting him? And yes your friend gave you crappy advice because most women do that. They don’t understand how men think. Instead of doing all this texting why don’t you occupy your time reading books such as ‘men are from mars, women from Venus?’ It will help you understand how to communicate better with him and not take things personally when he doesn’t respond the way you expect or want him to.

    #678479 Reply

    Anne

    For God’s sake don’t have a conversation about your texting needs. suck it up and shut up. You will ruin this by your wanting to discuss you little insecurities.

    Put your phone away, and live life. Get off the phone. You are acting like a little girl.

    #678486 Reply

    V

    Yes I agree I’m sorry guys! This just makes me feel like I ruined it… like I ruined the relationship and he wants to break up or something. Which would be stupid lol… so I should just leave this alone?

    #678488 Reply

    Anne

    Dont say a word, just be your sexy self when you two are together. Get up some confidence. You will take the fun out of the relationship if you are constantly worried and need to discuss your fears.

    #678490 Reply

    kaye

    It is really painful reading this and your responses. Your post is dripping with neediness and insecurity. If you can’t get this under control you will ruin this relationship. You are getting great advice!! Don’t apologize for sending the pic, don’t have a conversation about stopping with the texting, just DO it!!!

    When you are together I would SHOW him how you are going to take charge of what you want sexually. Wear something sexy, tease him a little and tell him what you want him to do to you!!

    #678491 Reply

    Jan

    I’m confused. You started the post by saying all was great with him. You hardly argue and have fun together. Then you say you talk daily and see each other often.

    So why are you ruminating about ruining anything over a stupid text message? Hun you really need to get a grip. Because you will ruin this if you can’t calm your thoughts down. Maybe seek therapy. Because you are being really irrational.

    #678494 Reply

    Jose

    Wow. Seriously the girl is in love, god forbid she feels something.
    V.. since you have (big) insecurties, you should really work on that! Or else you will sabotage your relationsship!
    You know the biggest way to sabotage your relationsship? NOT TELLING HOW YOU FEEL TO YOUR PARTNER.
    In relationsship you shouldnt just “suck it up”, if it makes you unhappy! Thats the worst advice I have read.
    And the hole “I need to apologize”, have some pride girl. I can cleary see you are insecure and you put you entire happiness on one guy, thats not healthy and it will (again) ruin your relationsship.
    Girl, if you need a guy who text more, then either tell your boyfriend how you feel or find a guy who texts more. Or else accept things as they are, and seriously start working on your insecurties!

    #678500 Reply

    L

    How about this? I will text him nudes of me and then he will get so horney he will feel guilty and have to text you!

    #678509 Reply

    V

    Yes I have bad insecurities and today is a bad day more than normal… I have had very bad relationships in the past. Sometimes police were involved.. so I have a hard time knowing my self worth. I was thinking about getting help for my anxiety anyways… thank you all. Also to all of you saying me being needy will ruin the relationship that’s the problem. I never tell him or show him this side of me. He knows to a certain extent that I have anxiety… but it’s just my thoughts

    #678514 Reply

    Jan

    Your past and insecurities is not his problem. It’s yours. I have been in bad relationships too but if you can’t separate the past from the present you will ruin things. He is doing everything right based on what you write, it seems you are most upset about the damn texting? Why are you not so busy that all you have to do is worry about texting? Your self worth also isn’t his problem.

    #678515 Reply

    V

    Jan I am not caught up about the texting it is okay. I am just more so embarrassed that I had sent it at the wrong time and in a way feel bad.

    Also to Jose, thank you. Yes I also believe my feelings are valid here…

    #678516 Reply

    Jan

    I disagree your feeling are NOT valid. He told you not to send pics during work. So if you feel butt hurt about this, that is your problem and not his, you can feel what you want, but I guarantee if you tell him, you will push him away, you are sounding like a basket case. So far it all seems well and you have spent hours upset about a stupid pic you sent .. that’s not rationale or reasonable. Do you work? Go to school? Have anything else going on in your life other than this huge over blown issue about sending a text that your guy hasn’t had time to respond to? Sorry but my patience is running thin. You have serious problems.

    #678517 Reply

    Omg

    Believe it or not there’s was a day in the not so distant past where texting didn’t exist, you relied on the phone and in person dating. That’s when women weren’t so bat crap crazy, go get some medications for your anxiety. You make me crazy and can only imagine how long this guy is going tolerate you because you haven’t listened to word of great advice provided. Just Jose. Which made no sense. Funny that.

    #678518 Reply

    V

    Jan, thank you for your advice!
    Yes I do have a life… sounds to me that you haven’t experienced anxiety or overthinking? I am a full time college student working full time. I have a life, believe me. I also have the right to be upset. But again me feeling a certain way is my fault.

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