Boyfriend has doubts, what to do?


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  • This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 7 years ago by Sam.
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  • #477013 Reply
    Fleur

    What do you do when you’re boyfriend is having doubts about your relationship, but you are still madly in love with him.

    He is younger than me, his grandfather just passed away, we have been together for over a year (we live in different cities). 1,5 months ago he said he loved me, and now he is having doubts. He has become more distant since a month for no clear reason and I thought it was just because he has a lot on his plate lately.. I don’t know what happened.

    What should I do?

    #477029 Reply
    Missindependent

    Give him his space, get out with friends get busy doing other things like holiday shopping. Spend time with family.

    #477049 Reply
    Maria

    @Missindependent – have not seen you in a while? how are you feeling about your ex now? how are you doing?

    #477050 Reply
    Maria

    @Fleur – he may have met someone else. If a guys says he has doubts, he maybe preparing you for a breakup so that it does not come as a shock to you. So do prepare yourself as well. The worst thing you can do is to start clinging to him in this case, you need to do the opposite actually, while there is still a chance. You said you are in love with him, so I take it it is out of question for you to walk out and tell him to take time to think about it but in the meantime you would dare others? If this is so, if you cannot walk out (which would be the best option for you, but I understand how impossible it is to do so while you are in love), so the next option is to become distance and much less available to him, but continue to be sweet and nice. Say that you have doubts as well and act like that.

    But when a man tells you something like that about a relationship, smart women would walk away before they get hurt more.

    #559461 Reply
    mhay

    my boyfriend has doubts on our relationship.. before he always plans our future together now he is doubting to have a future with me because he is scared we have different nationality,religion beliefs and he is scared that might be a problem sooner if we have kids. what should i do?!

    #559466 Reply
    Maria

    mhay, he is scared, aren’t you? all those issues PLUS your man is not behd you 100%, is not willing to work on things? He has doubts..this is where YOU should get scared and get youself out of this situation.

    #559472 Reply
    SthrnBelle

    I absolutely 100 % agree with Maria. If a man has doubts about you (and seriously like two weeks after he told you he loved you? but seen weirder things in relationships), you break up, you just take the plunge and leave the situation. Trust me it is far better than agonizing in distancing yourself and him still dumping you. At least you took charge of your own life and said no to something that is hurting you and yes it is far better than getting more hurt. Maybe he will realize he made a terrible mistake, maybe not but you have to learn to be able to walk to moment someone is not 100 % there for you (my advice would only be different if say a married couple is going through a rough patch, there you would try therapy, etc.). So learn to walk and let go. You will feel empowered, it will only make you stronger and help your self esteem instead of letting him make all the decisions and dump you, which will hurt a lot more. And there is a saying that goes men never forget the women who dumped them. I find that very true. If there was ever a way for him to come back, it would be if he learnt to miss you. That said it is not a manipulation tactic, you have to be absolutely, truly ready to walk and never be with him again. We women are stronger than we think we are, we just need to believe in ourselves.

    #564882 Reply
    Ally

    My boyfriend and I are together for almost a year. The beginning was amazing, then things began to get less exciting as we got very comfortable with each other but it was great entire time. Although we had a few ups and downs but they were never too serious. We took vacations together, he introduced me to his friends and family and always said that we know each other very well and that we get on very well. He was always there for me. We never really got around to saying “i love you”, but I knew he came from a family where saying that was never a thing and he said he had never heard that from his mother or father so I never pushed him to say that and I didn’t really need that as he was always just there for me. Things started to get weird about a month ago. I started a couple of arguments (not fights just “talking seriously”), then he went for a 3 week holiday with his family, when he got back we had another conversation and after that we didn’t see each other because we both had finals. We were in touch the entire time, he would always text me at least once, ask about my exams etc. But there was less of that and I knew something was off. He came to me and said that something’s wrong, that its not as great as it was. He said that he has doubts if it will work out, because we’re together a year and suddenly something’s not right. He said that after a year it’s not enough for things to get back to the way they were, but we should be closer and well get around to the l world. He said he never wondered about it before but something’s started to go wrong so now he does and just doesn’t know. When I wanted to end things he said he doesn’t want that, that he just wanted to talk to me about this. We decided to give it some time and take things slowly (we decided to hold up sex for a while). And although he invited me to dinner with his family tomorrow and a movie I wanted to see but I know he dislikes and also asked if i wanted to go hang out with his friends the day after I feel he is still distant and he texts me less. I am freaking out about his doubts and I don’t know what I should and shouldn’t do

    #607173 Reply
    Ingrid

    My lover (his term actually) and I have a 20 year difference, and we live in different parts of the globe. He is under a Virgo-Dog sign and I am a Taurus-Horse. I fell in love with him even before we met and I confessed to him that on the 2nd time he came (our first meet lasted for 9 days, then the 2nd lasted for almost 2 weeks) – I felt cherished with the time he spends on me even if he’s exhausted from his flights and late-night stays at the office, I am proud of his achievements yet he is still humble, his respect for me exudes even when we are just texting and it was still there when we were together. I felt so ecstatic when we were together. He decided to break up with me after his 2nd visit (when he was already home in his country) because he ‘just could not believe in me falling in love with him on a mere string of texting and meeting only twice’ and ‘he could not feel the spark’. I was devastated and told him everything I felt; he confessed that he was hurt also. In my mind, a struggle of thoughts is going on – how come he said he did not experience the sparks yet he has already come here twice? Should you not find it (or not find it all) on your 1st meeting but how come he has decided to come for the 2nd time? I mean if he did not feel the sparks at first, then why still come for the 2nd time? It made no sense to me.

    We got back again after our talk, but the frequency of communication has dwindled. I did not want to act needy by texting him so often but then he would no longer initiate contact; he did once then it was me all the time. And when I ask him for video calls, we had once and told him then about the frequency of our talk time. After that he has excuses and will not initiate calling me. Now my last two texts go unanswered for days. The last text I sent to him was suggesting we have a talk because I have noticed too much distance between us already. Part of me wants to leave him alone, give him his space and make him come to me again but there is also a part of me who wish to give him a letter and pour out everything I feel. And I am afraid the latter option will cause irreparable damage. I love him so that I’m willing to let him go if he will just tell me that he is no longer happy with me. But how can I do that if he is no longer talking to me? I do not want to act on something which I do not have solid basis on. Please help me what to do.

    #607203 Reply
    Sam

    This was a fling for him. That’s what he is trying to tell you, he isn’t in love with you. He is separating himself because you love him and he doesn’t want to lead you on.

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