Boyfriend and texting..feeling off and need advice?


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  • #365208 Reply
    Alice

    Alright. I have to ask this because my mind is going a million miles a minute, I’m stressing and I just need to know what you people think about this/what I should do. This is a silly thing, I know this. But I still need to ask, if not just to ease the rock in my chest.

    Boyfriend and I have been dating almost 9 months now. Overall, he makes me very happy. He’s very caring when we’re together, we have a lot of fun, always laughing, we can have fun with friends as well as just the two of us, doing nothing. He isn’t a big texter, and I am, so I’ve had to get used to this. For the most part, I have. But still, sometimes little things just get to me. I over analyze things a lot. I don’t usually bring them up to him, just because I KNOW that I’m over analyzing, then I get over it. Because more often than not, I see him in person and realize everything is fine.

    We’ve been spending a lot of time together, like 5-6 days a week, him sleeping over at my place most of those days. I love it. Anyways, I sent him a message yesterday morning, because I was feeling really happy and felt I needed to say it, I told him that my apartment never really felt like home, but when he’s there, it does. He replied with “Aw thanks babe! That means a lot to know I can make you happy at all times :) xoxoxoxo” So that was nice. Then I hung out with my friend last night for a girls night. He didn’t text me much. Asked me how my night was going, I replied, and then texted me later saying “I’m going to head to bed! Have a wonderful sleep, love ya! xoxox” I found it odd he said “love ya” instead of I love you, but okay.

    I always look forward to a good morning text when we don’t spend the night together (I do initiate these sometimes as well, but he wakes up before me so he usually sends one first), but this morning, I don’t know, it feels off. He said “Morning Baby! Hope you slept well, have a wonderful Friday! xoxo” I know this is something SO MINOR, but I don’t know why the xoxo’s dwindled in the last 24 hours. I also wanted to know if we were hanging out tonight, because I won’t see him tomorrow as we both have different things going on. So I said, “Morning..hope you slept well too, enjoy your Friday! Hopefully I’ll see you later? xoxo” He hasn’t responded, but has been on Facebook. I want to know if we’re hanging out. We usually do on Fridays, but I don’t want to end up not doing anything by assuming we’re hanging out. But I don’t want to make other plans if HE assumes we’re hanging out. Is it okay to send a text later asking him if we’re partying/hanging out tonight? (Fridays we either party with his friends or hang out just the two of us.) I just would like to know if that’s happening or not. But I don’t want to annoy him.

    I know this is probably so stupid. But I don’t know… Things were perfectly great on Wednesday when I saw him. So I don’t really think things could change over one day, but for some reason, this got to me. I mean, I’m pmsing, so obviously more emotional than usual. We haven’t had a fight or anything yet, I feel like any time something feels off, it means the end. I feel like it’s just too good to be true or something, so I get anxious. What do you guys think? Please be kind, I’m legitimately asking because I don’t know what to do. Is it okay to text him asking if we’re doing something tonight or is that too pushy? He “flies by the seat of his pants” but I like to at least have an idea what I’m doing. Also, am I over-thinking the whole texting thing? From an outside point of view, does it sound fine?

    #365213 Reply
    Ivy

    “I found it odd he said “love ya” instead of I love you, but okay.”
    If that worries you then you might not be ready for a relationship.

    “I know this is something SO MINOR, but I don’t know why the xoxo’s dwindled in the last 24 hours.”
    If you are counting the XOXOX’s then you might not be ready for a relationship

    “Is it okay to text him asking if we’re doing something tonight or is that too pushy?”
    He’s your boyfriend for 9 months and says he loves you so yes, you can ask if the two of you are going out tonight.

    *** If you count the xoxox and get concerned over I luv ya vs. love you then I am sad to say it signals you are quite insecure, this guy sounds like a keeper in fact, pass him my way if you want — I will take his luv an xo anytime, I won’t even question it…just kidding, he’s yours!!!! However, please please please if you continue on your train of thought you can end up contaminating a good relationship so work on why you are anaylyzing ever detail and stop stop stop. I see no need for concern here except your analyzing.

    #365214 Reply
    Gemini615

    Sorry but you’re being ridiculous. Your relationship sounds PERFECTLY FINE and you’re complaining because he said “love ya” instead of “love you” and didn’t say “xoxo” as much? Get a grip. There are women on here who would KILL to be in your situation. Stop complaining and making problems out of nothing. Enjoy your relationship as it is.

    Also, you seem to have a lot of free time on your hands to sit around and conjure up imaginary problems. Perhaps you need to pick up a hobby or something else to fill your time. You seem to fixated on this man/relationship. It’s not healthy.

    #365216 Reply
    Sassperilla

    I agree with Ivy, it sounds like he adores you! Enjoy it and let it happen, stop thinking so hard (I do it too, don’t worry!!) x

    #365218 Reply
    Alice

    Ivy…thank you. I can be insecure sometimes. I know this. I’m not like this all the time, he knows I worry about some things but doesn’t know I get anxious about these things, because I don’t tell him. I don’t see a point. Thank you for being blunt. I honestly needed that. You’re right. I guess I’m just over emotional right now and looked too much into it. I frustrate myself sometimes because I do this, I just don’t know how to tell that part of my brain to shut the hell up and stop.

    #365219 Reply
    Alice

    And thank you Sassperilla, I appreciate your kind words and I’m glad I’m not completely alone in this. :)

    #365221 Reply
    Ali

    First of all, calm down and breathe. it’s good you know that you tend to over-analyze things. I think that’s what going on here. You’re looking way too into this. Texting is nice and we girls really enjoy it and we use it as a way to determine a man’s interest level, but I don’t think men think twice about it! I think to a lot of men it’s just another communication tool they have to bother with while they are busy doing other things.

    You know this man is into you- he spends time with you, he texts you even though he doesn’t like texting, he’s into you. He’ll get back to you today. Be patient and he’ll call you!

    #365223 Reply
    Ivy

    Alice, Never tell that guy you counted his xoxo’s…lol! But seriously, he sounds like a very understanding guy but that could tip him over the edge, so it’s your little secret. And yes, he sounds like a keeper so don’t worry so much. Perhaps you should take time to work on your insecurities. Do you have hobbies, do you workout, volunteer? Do things that make you feel good and you won’t have time for counting xoxoxx’s in a text.

    #365226 Reply
    Alice

    Lol no I would never tell him. This is just what goes on in my head sometimes lol. I honestly had my gym membership on freeze for the summer. Which actually ended yesterday. So I’m looking forward to going back to the gym. I’ve missed it. Maybe that is what I need.

    #365230 Reply
    Pollyanne

    Hi Alice,

    I agree that you have nothing to worry about..

    I believe it was LAGirl that posted about, AHHA – ANT therapy.. Basically, it helps you with your ANTS(automatic negative thoughts).. You might wanna google it – I checked it out and it was pretty helpful in training my brain to think more positively! :)

    #365247 Reply
    Alice

    Wow. Read up on that and it pretty much explained my life. Just need to work on that I guess. It’s physically and emotionally draining, always worrying that one thing means something else, or thinking that one little thing means the end, that something must go wrong because everything has been going so right.

    #365474 Reply
    Tasha Boston

    After reading the book ( he’s not that complicated) it really put things in perspective for me. Alice, I’m like you, I over analyze everything. Now I just live in the moment with my guy and take it for what it is. If we break up,so be it,us women will move on to bigger and better things. Enjoy life,enjoy your time with him. And tell your negative thoughts to shut the hell up. I live it everyday,but it gets better….Be positive and good luck!

    #367071 Reply
    messingup

    I can relate to all of this. I have been seeing this man for 6 months. We met online a year ago, met, had a great date, text a few months and then one day he told me not to text him again because he had started seeing someone else. I was crused. I did get over it and 7 months later we connected again. So here we are today, 6 months later. We are long distance, 2 hours, so its not that bad and I have always been the willing one to travel and made it clear the distance was not a problem. Things were wonderful in the beginning. I get good morning beautiful and goon night georgous every night and he is always kind and very sweet. He is very laid back and doesnt get excited or mad about anything. I have met his family and he even brought his two girls to were I live to meet me. When I am with him and his friends call he always tells them I am visiting, so they know who I am. Now recently it feels like things are different. He does work alot, get his kids every other weekend and is building a house by his self so I know he is busy. It just seems lately that there isnt any time for me. Ive tried to make plans and they never pan out. I will text him a few times during the day and he never texts back and I would totally understand it is because he is busy except that he ALWAYS on Facebook. I feel like if he has time to be on there he could reply to a text. I have told him that I am able to see him anytime he wants, i have plenty of time i can take off from work, and he never asks me to come see him. I dont know if he is losing interest, too comfortable knowing I want him and will do what I can to see him or he is seeing someone else. I dont know. I feel like I am being clingy and needy because I want time and to hear his voice and that maybe my texts are too much. I text him Monday and said that he and his daughters could meet me halfwy Friday for dinner and he said that was great. Tuesday he still didnt see a problem with it and today I told him I thought about taking the day off Friday and comng to see him, he is on call, and he said he wasnt sure if he would have to work or not. He then said he had to get his daughters after school. I reminded him he was suppose to bring them with him to dinner. He didnt reply, and was on Facebook, so I just told him we could reschedule. He finally said “Ok. Thanks.” I feel like I have ruined it and its caused from the clingeness.

    I dont know what to think. Any suggestions?

    #367142 Reply
    Sherri

    Messingup, from what I can see, I do not see clinginess rather you are putting in a lot of time and effort into something which he is not really putting anything into. Remember people only appreciate things which are not that easy to get. If someone receives something for free the possibility of them appreciating it is much less. I do not see a relationship here … a relationship is a partnership. Rather I see a girl who is putting her heart and soul into something hoping to make it work and a guy who is not even putting 10% of the effort. Where is your self respect? You were ok when he said that he was seeing someone and when that did not work out you took him? He lost respect for you right there and decided that you were best used as a placeholder till someone better came along. You were ok with being second best?? Really??

    Why do you think it was so easy for him to say yeah reschedule. Because you have been giving and giving and giving and he has just been taking. I would have left this guy a long time ago and not wasted 6 months on this guy!!!! Because I really do not think he sees you as long term material or someone who he wants to spend his future with. If he did, he would not have been treating you this way. Rather you are his “placeholder” till someone better comes along. And when that person comes, he will drop everything and make time for her. BECAUSE HE WANTS TO BE WITH HER.

    I would say pull completely back and if he is not willing to meet half way, then you have your answer as to what you and your relationship are to him.

    #367152 Reply
    Amy

    This sounds like my life as well. Always stressing out why he doesn’t text me back but can his friends. But since I’ve been reading the forums I’ve been less insecure worried. I know he likes me and cares about me. Known him since May 2013 he had gone thru a break up in February with a girl he was with for 11 yrs. was trying to get back with her last summer and didn’t work out. We still kept in contact and I would still see him on occasion. But since I got my divorce a year ago last month we had starting going out. Movies. Then December he said he told his doctor he was seeing a younger girl. “Seeing”. I was happy. Then things started moving along after Christmas since then we have been inseparatable. Stay at his place 4-5 nights a week. Go out to dinner with friends mutual friends parties. Etc. I did tell him I loved him in August and he said “that’s a big word”. I told him I know and to please not let it change anything. He was with me all spring as my mom had a stroke in January and passed away in April. He would meet me at the hospital every week and he would song and talk to her. That’s when I fell inlove with this man. A true genuine caring man. He then took me to Florida to get away all expenses paid and we stayed with his mom she then passed away in July. I was there for him as he was there for me. Right now I’m just letting things happen. I don’t want to lose him as he is everything I have ever wanted… But his texts have dropped off some. And I’m learning to let him contact me next after I text him or call him. I know I was being needy and I have backed off on that after reading it on here. Just to know do you all think I’m fine? No need to be paranoid?? And I have seen a # text him. 2 actually. Same girl figured out it was a girl he had seen when he was with his ex gf. But I have not said anything to him and they haven’t been anything in sexual nature… Maybe just friends… I shldnt worry right???

    #367172 Reply
    Sherri

    Amy, your guy has been putting in effort so I would not really worry at this point and time but keep a look out. messing up, your guy never ever put in any effort. All the effort was put by you. So from where I can see it, you guys don’t have a relationship …. at least not a healthy one.

    #367334 Reply
    Messingup

    Sherri

    Thanks. I know I need to wake up and quit thinking this man is the one. I know it’s a very one sided relationship. I have decided since that day to just stop all efforts. He did call that night and acted like all was good and said he did end up having to work so I just let it go. I haven’t text him like I always do and he has text a few times. I just give him short replies. The rest of the weekend, well, from now on I’m just gonna to stay self absorbed and let him do the 90%. If he doesn’t I know there isn’t anything I can do anyway.

    You would think we are kids the way all this sounds. It’s a shame to be a grown woman and still have to deal with these issues. I don’t how I let him get to me the way he has. I’ve actually let good men go because I hoped this one would work out.

    Anyway. Thanks for your advice.

    #367457 Reply
    Cleo

    I don’t know my boyfriend and I will chat on facebook sometimes while we are at work, but we usually just text to inform each other on our schedules and to set plans. We have been dating for almost 7 months. I don’t honestly feel we need to text everyday, is this normal once you start settling down with your boyfriend and get out of the honeymoon phase?

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