Bf needs a lot of space


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This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Kerry 2 days, 6 hours ago.

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  • #635476 Reply

    Kerry

    Hi all, my bf always pulls away a bit after getting closer, e.g. after a hot date, a sleepover, a weekend getaway, a talk about future, any action or short term plan that indicates moving to the next level. He normally pulls away for a day. I used to fight with him about that but he prefers I talk calmly if any issue. And when I did, it worked well for him. I see and feel he feels very passionate about me but whenever it happened he pulls away to cool down that passion. Does mean we can never get too close?

    #635481 Reply

    DEE

    Depends what you mean about pulling away… just wanting a little me-time after a lot of togetherness is pretty normal for a lot of people (introverts especially). Supposedly men are more like that then women. If it’s just a day or so, from my perspective, if his feelings appear to be sincere, this would not especially bother me. But what works for one person does not work for another. It’s not about whether or not I could live with it, but if you can.

    #635488 Reply

    Kerry

    Thanks DEE, I understand that feeling of wanting me time. but I feel we can never get too close.

    #635493 Reply

    Newbie

    Based on what youre saying i would say its normal behaviour for many men and also quite a few women. For men its also physical. Their testoreron level drops after intimate meetings including sex and they need to regroup. If i remember correctly its called rubberbanding. Dont fight over this.
    I actually do the same with my partner. He is the one that barely needs space but i do

    #635568 Reply

    Algo

    Whenever I spend a lot of time with my Bf or we do sth specifically next-levelly, I purposefully let him take the next move in terms of communication.

    We’re both People who need me-time but he needs it even more than me.

    For instance, we had a talk about his Future plans this weekend and we had a very intense few days together (in a good way!) so I waited for him to text me after we said goodbye.

    I think 1 day is not such a big thing. And men do need to regroup after Taking next level decisions. It doesn’t usually mean they won’t take the next step.

    I didn’t see my Bf for 10 days, as a difficult time for him overlapsed with conflicting time schedules. I let him have his time and he came back more eager to be with me than before.

    I would try to look at the actual progression, not the time off he takes (as long as it isn’t too long)

    And now you know already, you can already plan in sth fun you can do for yourself or with your friends on those days.

    #635570 Reply

    redcurleysue

    Everyone is different about the space they need. I need lots of space for example.

    As you know, asking another person to change their space needs is not a good idea…it can lead to resentment.

    I think you really have to consider if you can live with this or not. If you need something different you may have to find something different….but changing him I do not think is a good option.

    #635603 Reply

    Kerry

    Thanks for the advice.. I really think he knew it hurt me when he suddenly pulled away. But because he needed that space too much he just wouldn’t care. I often pull away from my needy friends. I assume my bf is doing the same to me.

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