Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Being the Other Woman
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lisa.
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VR
I would like to know if there is anyone out there that knows of the “other woman” (he is not married, just in a relationship with someone else) that in fact “gets” the man in the end?? I have read and listened to many stories about how the man ALWAYS chooses the main girlfriend in the end, but then there are the few stories of how the “other woman” wins (if you can call it that) in the end. Of course, he says he loves me, and I do love him, and if it wasn’t that he was also dating someone else, he would be the man for me. I am sure there are questions about this relationship that you will want to know, so ask away. But if I told the whole story, it would take a long time. Please advise…
Lenore
What makes you think you’re so special that he won’t cheat on you even if you do “win” him? He’s just dating someone else and you’re ok with being the side piece and are hoping to “win” him? Why would you be ok going into a relationship with a cheater…if he cheats WITH you, he will cheat ON you…Child please….
Please look into getting some self-respect and raising your self-esteem.
Anon94
If he cheats on her with you, he will cheat ON YOU.
Anon94
I can’t believe women are actually “ok” with being the side piece.
VR
Lenore: I didn’t know for about a year that he was seeing someone else. I know it is not an excuse, but by then I was head over heels in love with him. He is actually a very caring and loving man. He says he doesn’t want to hurt either one of us. I know I sound pathetic, and it is good to hear other people voicing their opinions. I am working on my self-respect. But it is truly very hard to let him go for lots of reasons.
Anne
There is one way forward. Become fundamentalist Mormons. Then he can have both of you with no guilt.
Sweetie. No “caring and loving man” behaves this way, ever, for any reason. I’m astounded by the number of women on this site who find out about or tolerate a man’s bad behavior with “but I love him!” as the reason they just can’t bring themselves to get out of a bad situation. I know it’s easy for me to say because I”m not in it… but please check on your definition of love.
Want to know how to tell when your self-respect is completely restored? You can see this situation for exactly what it is and leave it behind. I hope it happens for you very soon.
Lenore
Why didn’t you leave the minute you found out he was with someone else? Because you love him? You need to love yourself more.
I too loved a guy but once I found out he was cheating on me, I left and nothing he could say or do would make me stay. That hurt me so much. No way in hell I would give him a ticket to continue to hurt me. He betrayed me and my trust and broke my heart. No thank you.
Oh and I also let the other girl know what he was up to…he was playing us both. Me and that other girl are now good friends. I believe in the girl code and right now, you knowingly being the side chick is a HUGE violation of the girl code BTW. Not cool how you are letting this happen to you (you deserve way more) and another girl.
Misty
VR,
Don’t let the “negative nellies’ get you down. I have been the “other woman” and I HAVE my man. Yes, he chose me, a full time student over the “woman” who is a lawyer, makes good money, his family “looooved” her…she is supposedly “so smart and going places”…yeah right!
She was a cold fish in bed, he said a blowup doll has more life in it…yeah he dumped her. She is also a fishwife and a shrew who tried to control his every movement and emasculated him by treating him like a 2 year old.
No man who is over the age of 25 likes to be treated like an errant boy that needs punishing.
So yeah, if you are your genuine and authentic self, MOST MEN will choose you over the shrews and the fishwives today’s women have become. This forum helps young women from not becoming little shrews that my generation gave birth to.
Women that my generation had to “look up to” turned out to be the real crazies…the ones that wanted women to pee in urinals…they even put urinals in women’s public restrooms for a few years believing we should be just like men and pee standing up!
Yeah, really. Women that are in professional positions and politics now, especially, the liberal “feminists” are mostly bitter old shriveled up biddies who are miserable and want to make life for ALL women miserable.
If you don’t believe me, just take a good look at the faces and expressions of MICHELLE OBAMA, HILLARY CLINTON, NANCY PELOSI…now compare those facial expressions with women that are about the same age as these but are normal and much happier and NOT a liberal old biddy like BO DEREK, NIKKI HALEY, ANN COULTER, LAURA INGHAM…ALL of them are HAPPY, SMILING, POSITIVE women…
Guess whose husbands cheated and whose didn’t…YUP…YOU GUESSED IT…BARRACK OBAMA AND BILL CLINTON HAVE CHEATED AND THE WHOLE WORLD KNOWS IT!!!
Now, who would you rather be? Hillary Clinton or Bo Derek? I would rather be Bo Derek!
L
VR
Just because a situation may work for “another woman” doesn’t necessarily mean it will work for you.
I am not going to judge or criticize you for your decision…I have been on both sides of the spectrum. At the end of the day you do what makes you happy…and obviously right now your not happy because you feel you need to compete for this guy.
All posters have valid points an individual that chooses to be with 2 people at the same time is selfish and is only considering their own needs not yours.
At the end of the day the decision is up to you…do you want to compete against another woman for this mans love and is he worth it when he obviously feels no remorse for what he is doing. Sometimes it feels like a battle I know I felt that way when I found out my husband was cheating.. I was angry at the other woman and I wanted to make sure I won! Well I did he stayed with me and then years later I left him….if she would have won I would have had many more years to try and find someone much better than him who was really worth it. IMO don’t waste your time!
Misty
And here’s a study from UCLA that PROVES what I was telling you people…Liberal Women ARE MISERABLE OLD BIDDIES and you are a FOOL if you keep listening to them and keep voting them into office!
thedailybeast dot com / articles /2012 / 10/ 06 / survey-says-gop-women-are-prettier dot html
Be it on YOUR OWN HEADS if in 5 years you all are stuck with cheating men because you are so fearful of being a real woman and participate in fearful and negative thinking…
It’s not because men are bad, it’s because you are so fearful of men cheating on you that you become the social psychologists dream subject…THE SELF FULFILLING PROPHECY
JR
VR I have been in your situation and it sucks. Stupid question but are you exclusively dating? We’re you exclusively dating when he cheated on you?
When people hear the word cheating, they always blame the man. haha not saying that you had anything to do with this, but can you think of reasons why he would cheat on you or not tell you that he needs a break from the relationship? yes it’s still deceiving and there should be no reason to cheat on someone you are supposed to love and care for.
Understanding a little background maybe on how you met, did you meet him when he was dating others or was this a total shock to you?
Misty
@Lenore,
I’m singling you out with what you said here: “if he cheats WITH you, he will cheat ON you…Child please….”
THIS kind of belittling and scolding is EXACTLY WHY MEN CHEAT. You have been “taught” by the old biddies of my sister’s generation to BE MISERABLE FOREVER.
When women stop using language like “child please…” is when they will find a man that does not even THINK ABOUT CHEATING ON THEM…
If women do not stop using language like “child please”, they will ALWAYS GET CHEATED ON and will STAY FOREVER MISERABLE.
Lenore,
Take this time to become a FEMININE WOMAN. Learn how to become the wonderful and unique human being GOD/UNIVERSE created you to be!
VR
Here is a brief background: We met in college, and several years later (we are both 58) he looked me up on Facebook and we met again. After that first meeting, I saw pictures of him with some woman. He told me that they were just friends. We did not have an intimate relationship for several months. He also lives in another city. When we did actually “sleep” together, I asked him again, if he was being intimate with any other woman. He said no. This was a true statement at the time. When I actually found out that they were actually “dating” was about a year later. She did not know about me until a year ago June. So in other words, I am the other woman, not her. They have been together longer than we have been, about a year longer. I have known about her for a long time, and I’m not a bad person for loving a man that made “their” situation out to be just friends. Im not an ostrich, and hide my head, like she does. It is really a more complicated situation then what I can put into words. Yes, I believe I need to “grow” some self-esteem and respect, but my heart breaks literally when I think of not having him in my life. I do know that sounds pathetic, but this is what this forum is for, so we can hear other’s opinions and stories. I do consider myself intelligent and I have common sense, but when it comes to this, I’m lost.
kaye
Don’t know if I want to jump into this one!! But I do want to say that the thing that sticks out here to me is that he lied to you. It sounds like in Misty’s case she knew about the other woman and she was able to make her decision about whether she wanted to see the guy based on the facts. In your situation he lied to you for a year. That to me says a lot about his character. I’m not sure how you ultimately found out, meaning whether you caught him or he came clean. And you don’t say whether or not she is aware of you. I’m not going to judge if both women have full knowledge of the situation and they as consenting adults choose to be in it. But if she doesn’t know about you, then what you’re telling me is that he’s a liar and a cheater and you’re settling for a lot less than what you deserve. You deserve a man’s full time attention. Personally if a guy wants to treat me as an option, I remove myself from the equation and narrow down his choices!!
Misty
VR,
Trust your intuition. A lot of what happens with this man is going to depend on how he treats you and what his actions are towards you. I knew about my boyfriend’s “girlfriend” from the first day his family pushed her on him. I’m not excusing his behavior because his family isn’t the one who went out and kissed her and slept with her, he did.
However, I also knew that when he told me she was his girlfriend, I had to burst out laughing because there was no way in hell he was in love with her when he was sneaking over just about every night to come see me and spend time with me.
Actions will always speak louder than words…if his actions towards you are “boyfriendy”, then its quite likely he has real feelings for you and not her.
Anon94
This forum has some interesting women.
Just to clarify some things to the woman who made an assumption that I’ll be “lonely” forever; you’re wrong.
I’m happily married, with one daughter.Aside from my previous comment, being the “other woman” is nothing more than sideline entertainment. No self respecting, SUCCESSFUL MAN would want a woman who is stooping down to be the “other woman.”
But to answer your question OP, yes I have seen men leave their wives for the other woman. The sad part is…it’s a never ending circle. Typically, they keep cheating, which he has already shown you that he is in fact, a cheater.Lenore
Misty-are you Mistral just changed the name because you got ripped under the other name?
You are only fooling yourself…your man CHOSE to be in a relationship with that lawyer for as long as he did. Sounds like you are hating on her because she is career oriented and his family loves her and not you. They see you for the woman you are that’s why. So you’re proud that you landed a cheater? Congratulations! You should be SO proud (RME).
And GOP women make better lovers and therefore their men don’t cheat= THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE HEARD IN A LONG WHILE. Yeah, why don’t ya’ll run a campaign with that slogan to gain the female vote? LMFAO!
Shrew I’m not….men (and women for that matter) cheat for a number of reasons…just wait until your man cheats on you….because he will. And this forum will be here for you to create another alias so you can come cry on our shoulders.
I said it once and I will say it again….CHILD PLEASE!
Misty
Aww..poor Lenore…another OLD BIDDY IN THE MAKING RECOGNIZED.
Go on and keep fooling yourself and keep being lonely and keep FULFILLING THAT SELF FULFILLING PROPHECY of yours.
I’m sure all my SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGIST FRIENDS will absolutely LOVE TO TAKE YOUR MONEY when you end up on their COUCH FOR A THERAPY SESSION!
SEE YA, WOULDN’T WANNA BE YA!
Misty
Oh yeah, now watch as Lenore resorts to name calling…come on, call me a nasty name again…we all know you want to…
Let’s show everyone just how negative and miserable your “thinking” really is…
Vpink1986
Lmao, but I don’t really have a comment. But I will say I. Can’t judge you and I won’t judge you… We a have been in some kind of crazy situation with a man.. All I can read say is I hope, you make the right, choices in the end…..
Anna
Yeah my ex-husband. He kept the skank and then I ended up losing 60 lbs and getting really hot and he has begged to come back for a year. Let’s be clear, he’s never ever ever ever ever getting me back. Oh, and he cheated on his mistress twice.
Khadija
Ladies… Please stop this.
It’s okay to disagree but don’t tear each other apart here.
This makes me sad to see. Although I don’t always agree with what some people say on here I respect that they have an opinion.
Let’s keep it directed to the OP and not each other.
That’s my two cents.Lenore
I don’t need to resort to name calling…you gave me damn good laugh…Anybody who says I should live my life like Ann Coulter puts me in stitches. LMAO….I’m still cracking up over here.
Oh and go ahead and pity me for my “negative” thinking. You have NO idea of any self-fulfilling prophecy…you’re not in my head…cause if you were you’d know that I will have a POSITIVE self-fulfilling prophecy….GASP! What? A liberal that’s positive (compared to Ann Coulter) NOOOO!!!!!!
Lenore
Very true Khadija—I’m off my soap box with Misty
OP-I apologize if you felt I was belittling or disrespecting you. I just don’t understand the mindset of women who knowingly cheat with somebody. But, we don’t know your whole story…I wish you the best and hope you realize your worth at the end.
V
Hi, yes, there are many cases when men left their wives or girlfriends for the so-called side women. My father was married three times, he was meeting each future wife while being married to the previous one. So, when he met my mother she was just a mistress. Later on he divorced the second wife and married my mother and voila, they have been together since for thirty years. So, all people want to be happy in their relationships and if the man is not happy in one relationship, he will find what he needs elsewhere. If you are clever and confident, you can get the guy but don’t be needy, pushy or controlling, just be the sunshine in his life, so to speak.
As for myself, I am currently in a casual relationship with a guy who has a girlfriend and I could care less about her. I am dating other people to see where it goes so I am not obsessed with this guy. If I meet a man that fits my profile I will just be friends with my current lover, so I see no reason to be upset about the arrangement at all. -
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