This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Hannah 3 weeks, 4 days ago.
October 23, 2017 at 8:22 am #661905
Dear ladies, has any of you, or some you might know, had experienced a relationship with AS man of nay lighter/light form? Please would you be so kind as to write here your experience, the course of the relationship, how you felt and how the man responded?
I just think my BF is on the AS spectrum, and two days ago we had big argument (me not feeling “loved”, my BF is showing his interest in me by touching, holding hands, kissing as he learned, but not the other ways like showing interest with questions, he does not usually know what is expected from him and when he does something or does not he says he is “wired differently” and next time I must tell him exactly what I want.
He does his best to make me happy when he knows how – I tell him to go there, do that at that time, he does that and is happy to please me. But on his own he does not have a clue, just learned hugging, kissing. I know he is sincere, he is talkative to other people (drivers, shop assistants) and is very communicative, but as long emotions are not involved, is very introverted, is very on his PC very often (repairing other computers, laptops, etc.). It all nearly matches the description of an “Aspie man”, I can clearly see he does not have a clue sometimes, but at the same time i cannot differ these days if he just does not like me or it is really him (and likes me). your stories would help me see more into it, thank you.October 23, 2017 at 8:38 am #661907
Just adding, I just remembered I complained once i did not feel the “human warm” from him (like asking about my day, etc., hard to explain), and i just complained to my friend a few days ago that I felt like he did all those things for me because I told him or he thinks he should do that that I did not feel the human wamrm feeling from those things. It is hard to explain, it is nothing to shame him (I do love him), I am just tryingto explain my stiuation more. ty 🙂October 23, 2017 at 11:08 am #661936
I am not and never dated a guy in the spectrum but i have a son in the spectrum. While every person in the spectrum is different, one of my common things they share is their inability to express emotions. To them there is no gray area, just black or white. They are very literal too. But they are the sweetest people i know when you get to know them better. You have to tell them exactly what you want or need. We women like to give hints…it doesnt work for them. But they are the most real people i know. Good Luck.October 23, 2017 at 11:19 am #661939
Look… every human being is different. If you like your BF asking you how your day was etc… doesn’t mean he is like that. Yes of course he did it for you. Started asking you how was your day etc because you complained… now that you’ve it you are complaining that he is doing to make you happy. Would you ever be happy?He isn’t obligated to ask you about your day but he is doing it for you. If he was an ass he would simply ask you to Fu** off and go about his way. But he is choosing to change for you. You are very demanding. you are being clingy and asking him to change as a person.
My BF once told me… when a man is keeping himself busy in his man’s cave or garage, that means his needs aren’t being met. You BF might be thinking the same. He may not be having fun with you in this relationship. How about you stop complaining and having arguments and deal this situation with love? I would say change your attitude. You are forcing this man to change himself which will only be for certain period of time. Eventually he will get fed up and part his ways. Leave the poor soul alone if he is sincere and try to meet your needs. Maybe you two aren’t compatible. you need to sit down and think for yourselfOctober 23, 2017 at 12:20 pm #661968
You have to look at him as a whole and decide if you can accept and love him as he is, with no changes. If you can’t you need to move on on or you’ll just make each other miserable until you eventually break up.
So the question is are these traits deal breaker for you or not? Can he make you happy with the personality he has, not the one you want him to have.
I’m pretty sure my husband is on the spectrum a little bit. It can make him frustrating at times when he doesn’t get basic emotional concepts and is very black and white. But he’s great fun, really sensitive to my moods, a great communicator, very honest, loving and loyal. For me, it works.