This topic contains 20 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by T from NY 4 months ago.
July 12, 2017 at 11:18 pm #641024
I dumped my boyfriend two months ago over something he disclosed to me. In retrospect, and after talking to many friends, they all agreed I was hasty and harsh. Fine. NOw, I decided to reach out to him, only 3 weeks after his mother reached out to me.
I apologized for the hurtful things I said, and how I handled things. He replied with exclamation points saying I was missed, and he was thinking about me all week also. But that he didn’t have my info and wasn’t pressed to reach out…however he liked me and family liked me too.
We texted all day, and we both apologized, however, he asked me about 3 times why I reached out. I explained he came to mind.
The texting stopped abruptly, with myself being the last one to text. And although I had given a one word lackluster response, here I am 24 hours later wondering why he hasn’t texted me at all.
Should I just give it time? Or do you guys feel it’s it’s over?July 13, 2017 at 12:00 am #641026
Hi-Hard to say. Was the disclosure something you now realise should not have freaked you out? I would leave it a day or two. Then,if you hope to get back with him (as it sounds like you do),I would text and ask if he is willing to meet for a coffee and talk. He will agree or not,or not answer and that will BE YOUR ANSWER.July 13, 2017 at 12:09 am #641027
I would like to get back together, and from his texts it sounded like he misses me, and wants to also..but he also said something that bothered me. When I misunderstood something, as a joke, he said, “that’s why we aren’t together LOL” and to which I replied, “right haha”
And he told me to reach out when I wanted, so that night I texted. Only today did I realize that maybe he wanted a phone call? Not sure…
He said his fam misses me and he does too…July 13, 2017 at 1:31 am #641032
What did he disclose to you?July 13, 2017 at 1:32 am #641033
It’s important to know why you broke up, so we can give proper advice about why he might be reluctant to get back together.July 13, 2017 at 11:39 am #641055
Why would you apologize by text if you want to get back together? I wouldn’t accept anything less than a phone call. It sounds like he isn’t interested in getting back together, but then again when he asked why you got in touch you were vague. You just said you were thinking about him. I think about people and things all the time. It doesn’t mean I want to be with them. So you blew your own apology because you chose to be flaky about your intent. Call him and talk. If he was a bf why are you hiding behind a text?July 13, 2017 at 2:37 pm #641072
He was smart to ask you why you called. I think he wants to get back together but he wants you to ask him specifically, and he has a point. You broke up with him. And then stayed out of contact for several weeks. Why do you expect him to make the first move?July 13, 2017 at 5:37 pm #641104
You keep dropping the ball here. He was basically asking you are you texting because you want to get back together? He was looking for a commitment and an apology, and you didn’t give it. It might be too late but I would call. If he doesn’t answer text and ask to speak to him. Then when you speak to him straight up say you are sorry and you want to get back together. You broke up with him so this is your job.July 13, 2017 at 5:57 pm #641108
We don’t know what he’s thinking. Don’t contact him again. If he wants to talk to you, he will make it happen. Learn to control your emotions so you don’t fly off the handle. We’re not entitled to act crazy and have wild mood swings just because we’re female. Despite what popular culture says, it’s not cute and men worth being with won’t tolerate it.July 13, 2017 at 7:18 pm #641120
You haven’t mentioned what he disclosed to you, but if it was so bad it made you immediately break up with him, then that detail is very important.
I’d say it may be the most important piece of missing information here.
If it was serious enough to walk away from him, I implore you to reconsider why you’d even think about resuming anything with him.
Without knowing more, my gut instinct is to tell you to forget him, based on that critical comment you started with.July 13, 2017 at 11:04 pm #641147
hey so he didn’t text me all day yesterday, but today, sent me a good morning text at 930am. We then texted nonstop until 230pm. He said, “we’ll chat later,” But he hasn’t called or texted. I’m not sure at what point I should call..? I’m letting him lead things. He did say we should get together when I return from my trip, which is July 30th. I don’t leave until July 20th..So that was strange…
It’s like he goes from hot to cold…
The secret that he disclosed was the birth of his child from an ex. I realize now what he did was noble. He told me in a decent time frame and i realized, in the 2 months absence, that he was the best guy I’ve ever dated. I flew off the handle and tore down his character and life and I went too far.
His saying “let’s get together when you return, I have to still situate myself here,” Left me feeling like he’s taking his time and I”m fine with that.
How can I show him that I really do want to get back together? Or just let him continue leading?July 13, 2017 at 11:11 pm #641149
Yes, I thought that was the reason you broke up cause I remember this story from last time you posted. You obviously want different answers but mine will still be the same. He didn’t tell you that his ex gf was pregnant, that’s a HUGE DEAL!!!
Don’t go back to a guy who’s kept such a big secret. I also told you he’s probably loved-up with the kid and maybe his ex again and from the way he’s acting towards your new texts he isn’t making any effort to see you, or get back together. This is a lost cause. But try your luck if you want to keep getting burnt by his secrets…July 13, 2017 at 11:24 pm #641150
If you go back with this guy when he concealed that kind of secret… you deserve whatever you get. Noble? Uh, NO. Plus, you have no idea how complicated it’s going to be dating someone who just had a child with an ex.July 14, 2017 at 1:19 am #641158
You guys are right….He mentioned he hasn’t moved on, and is single now, but did try to make things work with the mother of the child…that didn’t work..
he mentioned how he was thinking about me all week, and missed me, but did not reach out…
he went from being friendly to borderline rude..then friendly again…
he hasnt’ texted me since 130 this afternoon..I’m not holding my breath to be honest….
i’m leaving this alone and not forcing anything at ALL..
thanks allJuly 14, 2017 at 2:47 am #641170
This guy is a walking disaster area. He doesn’t know his a**hole from his elbow. Don’t get caught up in this mess again.July 17, 2017 at 1:18 pm #641839
He asked to see me this past Friday…we had a great time as always. We spoke about what happened…
In short, I saw him twice this weekend. Both times he initiated. We haven’t been texting as much as before, he doesn’t say good morning like he used to, and we have yet to speak over the phone…but in person, it’s as though we never separated…except for the fact that he’s not as affectionate as he was before. In fact, he barely touched me the last time we hung out.
I’m letting him lead, taking this very slowly.
I’m suspecting he thinks there’s more to my text than what I said in the first place…so maybe the next time I see him I’ll bring it up. NOt sure…
I don’t have experience in this type of scenario…I don’t know if I should leave it alone or walk away again….?July 17, 2017 at 2:03 pm #641861
Are you kidding me with this? “I don’t have experience in this type of scenario…I don’t know if I should leave it alone or walk away again….?” Everyone here is telling you the guy’s a liar, he hid something significant from you (so significant it caused you to break up with him and rightly so) and he has come back lukewarm about you at best. Not only that but not you have to deal with the ex and his kid for the rest of your relationship.
Everyone is telling you to drop this guy like a hot potato and move on and you don’t know what to do? As another poster said, you deserve what you get it. Stupid is as stupid does.July 17, 2017 at 2:11 pm #641868
So the ex didn’t want him? And now he comes back to you? Great! If you like being second best.July 17, 2017 at 2:39 pm #641873
Fanny, This has Your heart break written all over it!July 17, 2017 at 5:07 pm #641896
Duh! LOL a little missing piece of information!! That changes everything. I think you are delusional about him because you miss him, But you were smart to walk away from him when you found out, so don’t be silly to go back to him when he is not even asking you properly.July 17, 2017 at 9:16 pm #641948
T from NY
If you are insisting on trying to make this work — He should be groveling at your feet and him “leading” should be him worshiping the fact that you’re even speaking to him again! I’m not going to tell you what a crap guy he is. How pathetic is that he’s blowing hot and cold or how he’s a Casanova and now that you’ve been strong with him by breaking it off (originally) that hes probably not going to have a use for you anymore.
Because the problem here is YOU. Not him. Please make a choice to love yourself more. You really are worth that.