This topic contains 5 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by redcurleysue 3 months, 1 week ago.
February 12, 2018 at 12:18 pm #683277
My boyfriend of four months has a son that lives in another state, and hes 3 years old. Hes been living away from him for almost a year and hes barely getting used to the fact that he will be only seeing him during the summer. He planned on moving there while we were together to be with his son but decided to stay due to money issues. He went alone during christmas to visit him for an entire week, he stayed at his ex’s place (she lives with her sister and brother in law) they have a guest room. This way he wouldn’t spend so much in a hotel and could take care of his son and spend as much time with him. I of course wasn’t ok with it but since he decided to stay and not move I tried to understand that was the only way.He had quit his job because he had decided to move and so he didn’t have money. It was a hard week for me but I trusted that he and his ex were only co-parenting. Either way she had cheated on him was supposely dating two guys.
Anyways the issue Im facing now is that his sons birthday is coming up, and well she told him that she plans on taking him to Disney and that it would be nice for his dad to go also. I haven’t met his son only through video chat, but of course Im not invited. It would only be his ex, his son and him. Im very uncomfortable with that but with how he is with money he doubts he’ll be able to see him in the summer. He wants to at least go one day and come back so he can be with his son at least one day.. Am I wrong for thinking that he should wait and celebrate his sons birthday another day that isn’t with her? We had planned to go and visit his son and take him to Disney together but now he wants to go without me? Am I being immature? I just don’t know how co-parenting is suppose to be when one is in a relationship and the other is not. HELP!
February 12, 2018 at 12:28 pm #683279
Put the son first. I think a 3 year old would want both his parents there. Surely one day is a good compromise?
His ex is never going to be out of his life and, if she doesn’t live locally, there are going to be many times when they’re together without you. You really need to work out if you can accpet that or not.February 12, 2018 at 2:57 pm #683317
Yes you are coming between him and his son. And considering you’ve only been dating for 4 months that’s a dangerous place to be. It isn’t easy co-parenting small children. They don’t understand why mommy and daddy aren’t together and they always hold out hope they can be one big happy family someday. You need to decide if you trust your boyfriend or not. If you do then him being alone with his ex isn’t a big deal. If you don’t you have bigger issues. I do think you’re being immature and not understanding that two people can parent a child and get along without wanting to get back together or sleep with each other.
Also, summer is a long way away. If your man can’t get a job or 2 jobs by then to be able to save up some money to see his son over the summer then he doesn’t sound like a man who could support you or a family. And quitting a job in order to move and then not moving sounds like a rookie move. Who quits a job until they’ve clearly made up their mind? He sounds irresponsible. And Disney isn’t the cheapest birthday present. The kid is only 3 what’s he even going to remember. Would be much better to do something less expensive and the kid isn’t going to know the difference. He would probably be just as happy with Chuck E Cheese! It would probably be best if he told the ex that he doesn’t have the money right now to do a Disney trip and he will take his son to celebrate his birthday on a weekend when he’s able to include you and his son. That way he’s getting to see his son and you actually get to meet him and celebrate.February 12, 2018 at 5:35 pm #683325
I was sort of in a similar situation. Met a man online, he is over 40 and has a one year old. He promised he and son’s mom were not together, but he sees her often to see his son. After communicating for three months, I found out his son’s mother and he have the same address. I confronted him about it, he says she’s there most of the time, but she doesn’t live there. What a crock. Needless to say, I know what my limits are and I had no desire to be in a foursome. Point is, all the closeness of ‘co-parenting’ is going to put a damper on any relationship he or she may want to be in. With all the family bonding, it may bring them closer together and you’d be the one on the outside looking in. Find someone else with less drama.February 12, 2018 at 6:48 pm #683333
4 months is still very fresh and new. It sounds like you have plenty of reservations about this relationship.
Maybe you need to rethink if this is a good fit.
The red flag I got from this is him quitting his job and from the sounds of things he is not financially in a good place to raise this child.
If you want to have a family of your own , that’s something to think about.February 12, 2018 at 9:31 pm #683358
What Khadija said I agree with.