This topic contains 50 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Samantha 10 months, 2 weeks ago.
January 6, 2017 at 2:13 pm #590368
My boyfriend has been deliberately not reading my texts or taking my calls since Tuesday now and I’m wondering if he’s ghosting me? He is still on my Facebook and we are still in a relationship status. I just haven’t had any contact. I was talking to his mum yesterday to thank her for having me down for New Years and she mentioned she had asked him would he be down this weekend to see me and he said “I’m not sure” We have been going out a little over a month, met each other’s families and he told me he loved me. Very fast I know, but it felt right. My question really is, if he was ghosting me would he take me off Facebook etc? And my family too?January 6, 2017 at 2:21 pm #590371
Give the man some space to figure out what he wants. He is in this relationship, too;)January 6, 2017 at 2:24 pm #590372
I will! I don’t want to pressure him too much and push him away. I have no reason to be worried then despite the silent treatment?January 6, 2017 at 2:27 pm #590373
No, you should be worried that you may have picked a man, who goes into a giant man cave when faced with a what may turn out to be a minor issue.January 6, 2017 at 2:31 pm #590376
Okay, I remember we discussed this yesterday.
At this point, this is concerning.
If he was sick and didn’t respond to any communications because he was off in a medicated induced fog, fine. Give him a day.
Now it’s been a couple of days. You know he’s not in a coma and you’re able to reach his mother. He could have reached out on Facebook if his phone is broken.
No, this is not looking good.
Not replying right away because of sickness is one thing. Deliberately ignoring attempts to communicate for days is another kettle of fish.
At this point, stop all texting. No reaching out to his mother. We don’t know what the whole Facebook thing means…it could simply mean he’s afraid that you will flip out and confront him if he changes his Facebook status. People that ghost are afraid of confrontation.
At this point, you need to take care of you. You will be fine without him. You were only with him a month. You are still the same strong woman you are before you met him. You will meet someone else that’s better.
As far as he is concerned, when someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE them.January 6, 2017 at 2:40 pm #590379
I know! I think I’m a bit gutted to be honest. I do know that with his exes he had removed them from Facebook, and so has his mum. I haven’t talked to his mum since. I was going to wait until Sunday and then text him to tell him I’m coming to get my stuff back from his house.January 6, 2017 at 2:48 pm #590383
I usually give “ghosters” a week. If I hadn’t heard from them in a week, I consider the relationship over.
However, it’s less than that if I have made it clear that I am trying to reach him and he is deliberately ignoring me.
My advice: Give it until Sunday. Then text him : I am taking your continued silence as your way of telling me this relationship is over. I left some things at your house. How may I pick them up?”
I dated a wanker years ago who used to go silent on me for no real reason. This approach always made him reply and our relationship would stumble along some more. I wish I hadn’t wasted all that time.January 6, 2017 at 3:02 pm #590386
Good advice Jamie!! I’ll try that!January 6, 2017 at 3:03 pm #590389
Samantha, I understand that you are gutted about the sudden silence after things went so well…
but, you acted a bit crazy
I mean, messaging his mother on facebook and telling her to tell him to get in touch with you?
just leave him alone for now and think about your own behaviour…
he is not talking to you and you are already planning to text him on sunday about your things…
are those things you left at his house so important? it is your attempt to get a reaction..
now it is his time to get in touch, just leave it to him to contact you…January 6, 2017 at 3:13 pm #590393
I remember this from you posting before. I think what happened was that he was sick or he was sick and because of that ,he had down time to think about how fast the pace was going with you. All may have been fine in a day or so when he felt better-but all those messages and the mom thing may have freaked him out. Just my take-learn to be more confident and patient in the future. Of course he could just be a using jerk that took advantage of you and ghosted but I don’t really think so. I am sorry you are hurt-I do hope you find out one way or another what the story is.January 6, 2017 at 4:04 pm #590421
I did only message his mum to thanks for having me down over New Years and then I asked about him. She brought up about him coming down and she’d asked was he. I then said “aw well, tell him to let me know when he’s free”January 6, 2017 at 4:13 pm #590423
It’s only a couple days, are you sure that everything isn’t fine?January 6, 2017 at 4:15 pm #590424
Hi-Samanantha-I know, but really I am guessing you did it as a way to find out bout him-not a pure motive. If I am wrong,I pologize but you should not “go there”. I read a research book about dating and most of the men said they were turned off because it just seemed like an excuse to contact them and “fish” for more contact and another date. Rightly or wrongly-that was the men’s take. Let guys lead.
So the mom thing was a variation of that in my opinion.January 6, 2017 at 4:16 pm #590425
Samantha, you already explained to us, what you wrote to his mother…
whatever was your intention, it seems like this: he didnt reply, so you sent another message and a general snapchat…
when he didnt respond, you contacted his mother…. I mean, you were there at theirs on Christmas, so thanking for having you there would be okey a day after or so… but you contacted the mother a week later, because you wanted to hear about him
now you are planning a sunday text, asking about your things at his house…
lots of excuses to contact him
I would be freaked out by your attempts…
the worst was contacting his motherJanuary 6, 2017 at 4:17 pm #590426
Sorry-the men were turned off by “Thank-you ” texts the next day after a date.January 6, 2017 at 4:18 pm #590428
I didn’t intend to ask his mum but I just figured since she was talking to me I might as well.January 6, 2017 at 4:22 pm #590431
It’s not so much the fact that you haven’t heard from him in my book as it is that he knows you’re trying to reach him and is deliberately not responding.
I could never hurt someone I allegedly was in love with that way. Never. Everyone knows how awful it is to try to contact someone and hit a wall. It’s happened to all of us too at one time or other.
Even if he gets in touch you need to decide if this is behavior you can tolerate. I told you about the guy that used to do it to me…I wish I Hadn’t tolerated it. It was a sign that he was not that into me and I deserved someone who was.January 6, 2017 at 4:53 pm #590436
Oh sweetness, you should have never involved the mother. You have been dating one month. You two barely know each other and I bet he views you calling her at all as nothe something you should do, and at best a way of checking up on him. I don’t know it changed anything, but next time, if a man is fading, don’t contact anyone else for any reason.January 6, 2017 at 5:00 pm #590437
Ladies what are you talking about? Patience for what? he is deliberately ignoring the OP. I remember her post a couple of days back. They rushed into a relationship, but they both agreed that this is an official relationship, he is not sick, so give him time for what?
Send him a text that he is deliberately ignoring you and you are not going to be in this situation.
He did not bother giving you any explanation, never bothered to even reply to you. Do not go to his house, this will be humiliating for you, do you not see it?
He is being a coward and a weasel so don’t bother with your stuff unless there is something you can’t live without. You can pick it up from his mom a few months later. He said “he is not sure”. He knows what he is doing, stop being in denial and cling to some “busy” and “men think this or that” nonsense. Have some dignity and self respect.January 6, 2017 at 5:12 pm #590439
Me and his mum have been chatting on Facebook and snapchat since I met her and he was fine with it.January 6, 2017 at 5:21 pm #590441
I hate to say this but it is probably over. I think you should take this as a learning experience. You are making excuses for repeatedly reaching out. However, good excuses or not a guy still sees it as neediness and a turn off. I would wait until next Wednesday to tell him it’s over and you want your stuff back. Do not look desperate. Do not text him before that at all.January 6, 2017 at 5:34 pm #590445
I don’t how it would be over when it was going so wellJanuary 6, 2017 at 5:46 pm #590449
Samantha, you need to take a great big chill pill and back off this whole subject. Get off the computer, go find something else to do that will take your mind completely away from him. You had a jack rabbit start to the relationship so it may not be real, you’re in touch with his mother and you’ve contacted him too much. Your energy is really desperate and anxious and if we feel it here, he is definitely feeling it. I know this is upsetting but you’ve overdone it and you just need to back off and let the chips fall where they will. If this is indeed over then it was never going to go anywhere and better to know that now. No one really knows. He might be very sick. I think Amanda has given you good advice. Get busy doing other things and if you find by next week mid week it’s still nothing than you can take the next step whatever that turns out to be.January 6, 2017 at 5:58 pm #590453
Hi Samantha-I understand you are confused and hurt. I still think thr senerio I suggested before-that he was sick and had time to think and was just pulling back a bit,but then you kept messaging and it was too much. Just saying that could be it. I agree he is a jerk to know you are wondering and worrying and he is not answering. Many on here have experienced guys that come on strong and seem like they are in love etcc. ina very short time…and then back off or disappear. They are not nice/users or confused..whatever. You may never kow the “why” and will make yourself crazy and feel bad if you dwell on trying to find a reason. Nexxt time when a guy comes on so strong-pace it out by not being so super available all the time,getting in with his family so soon etc. Even if he is pushing those things,you can slow it down so you have time to assess his character better. I agree that if he “comes back” now-he better have a good reason for several days no contact.January 6, 2017 at 6:07 pm #590458
He’s a jerk, he’s a coward, he’s a weasel. Geeeeeez. Not really. He’s let her know he’s sick and she’s bearing down on him like a freight train and they’ve only been together a month. We all know what men can be like when they’re sick. I am not in touch with my BF when I’m sick every day and I don’t expect him to be either.