Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Actions vs. words
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 9 years, 7 months ago by
Ivy.
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Sara
I am seeing this guy, and have noticed he will say one thing and then will contradict himself shortly after. Ie, when we first met he said he isn’t ready for a relationship with anyone right now due to medical issues and a recent divorce. Fair enough I get that. Then he will say things like you know, I think I will want a relationship sooner than I thought, than back to not ready for one. My question is. What speaks louder actions or words?
Harley
Actions are what counts. Does He initiate contact and regular ? Dies he take you out on dates and pay ? Does he take an interest in your life ???
Amy
Actually I would say ACTIONS that align with WORDS count. You want both, otherwise you will be in for a roller coaster ride. Yes, ACTIONS count more than words but you do want the WORDS to follow those actions or you will NEVER know where you stand.
Let’s imagine a man who says he wants a relationship and acts like he does by spending time with you that is the best case scenario. Everything else will leave you guessing and confused.
This man is confused and he doesn’t know what he wants. If he is confused then imagine how you are going to feel dating him. Sorry, I am not saying you shouldn’t date him but you do need to realize that you are hopping onto an emotional roller coaster with this one. He could be a push pull guy and the minute you get close he’s gonna say, well I told ya I didn’t want a relationship.
Sara
Yes it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster. He will say one thing, but then wants to spend every day with me. He will text me every single day. I have become his best friend…. His friend recently came to visit and I have learnt that he is acting very different then when he was married and before medical issues. Sometimes I think he is conflicted with wanting to settle down and becoming the big party guy he was before medical isses
Amy
How recent was his divorce? I always want a guy to be divorced for 1 year at least and preferably 2 before getting involved with him.
If he’s newly divorced then he is going to fluctuate between wanting to be uncommited, single, dating around, having fun, and maybe missing companionship so falling into a relationship.
Sounds complicated, he doesn’t know what he wants for sure – and you can’t judge him harshly for that, it’s where he is. You just have to decide where you are ok being.
Perhaps you should talk to him and let him know that his inconsistencies are really confusing to you and see if he opens up.
Angel
Hi, I’ve been in a similar position for nearly 2 years! It’s called a placeholder relationship. Pull back before you get in too deep and get hurt. Best of luck x
bee
Placeholder, wow, so that is where a guy puts you when he has no one else to turn to….or can you explain please
Ivy
Simplify your life, he says he doesn’t want a relationship, you do, so move on.
What speaks louder — ACTIONS that align with WORDS.
I read that if a man is a badass but says to a woman he loves her the woman ignores the actions and listens to the words. Yet if a man is nice but says he doesn’t want a relationship the woman will listen to his actions and ignore his words. So, you want the man who says he is at a place in his life where he is interested in a relationship and he acts that way too.
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