This topic contains 13 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by April 5 days, 7 hours ago.
January 13, 2018 at 5:03 am #678606
Been going on this forum every single day and it breaks my heart that women (well, mostly) would settle for people who aren’t serving them well anymore and they keep on staying hoping things will get better because they have this mindset that they won’t find another person for them anymore. I myself give peices of advice here if I could but I realized that it’s so difficult to help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves – it’ll just be a vicious cycle. I wrote a blog post about self-love, writing it itself feels therapeutic, and I hope it’ll help some of you, too. From personal experience, I stayed in dead-end relationships or those toxic ones because I honestly didn’t love myself. It actually all boils down in self-love – if you do love yourself first, you’ll end up choosing the right people in your life.
Here is my post: loveyerself.com/proposal/
April 🙂January 13, 2018 at 9:05 am #678624
Did you have to pay the owner to advertise your blog on his forum?January 13, 2018 at 9:49 am #678630
Does a foreign affair have to pay lol?January 13, 2018 at 11:34 am #678642
HAhaha no. I didnt pay anyone or advertise whatever. Just wanted to share an article I wrote that may help other people when it comes to self-love instead of spending my time making fun of some OPs’ posts. 🙂January 13, 2018 at 12:07 pm #678647
Haha…nice reply April…im going to check your blogJanuary 13, 2018 at 12:18 pm #678650
Be my new LDR gf?January 13, 2018 at 12:26 pm #678653
Touché @AprilJanuary 13, 2018 at 1:09 pm #678657
L, I thought you already have a girlfriend? 🙁 hahaha!
Haha thank you, anon and raven :pJanuary 13, 2018 at 5:11 pm #678718
Why don’t you post it here instead of redirecting people to your siteJanuary 13, 2018 at 5:39 pm #678724
Hi Umm – it is not my site, I just contributed my peice. That site is dedicated to self-love so other articles are worth the read as well. But to make it easier for you, I posted my entry below. I redirect people on that particular site because I won’t be able to use some html functions here, I know it might not really be an important thing but graphics or fonts pleasing to the eyes makes it easier to read especially long entries. Anyway, the entry is below:
A few years ago, my ex-boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me just a few days before my birthday. I felt nothing but pain, rejection, and worthlessness.
I started to blame myself for all the wrong things I thought I did. In the middle of those endless nights crying myself to sleep, at that lowest point in my life, I had a eureka moment:
I didn’t love myself at all.
It took me several failed relationships, and this one breakup that felt like a huge slap on my face, to realize that all this time I had been searching for love and validation externally.
I was expecting other people to fill my own ‘love tank’ for me because I was too lazy to do so.
Writing about it now makes me cringe just a bit as I realize that it’s the unhealthiest thing I’ve done in my life, but I needed that failure to keep moving forward.
As time went by, I started enjoying my own company. I began travelling alone or with my friends. I went to restaurants alone and enjoyed delicious meals or watched a movie at the cinema. I lived in my own apartment back then so weekends were spent with a glass of wine and my favorite TV series.
At that exact moment, I’ve got everything I needed – myself.
After all, that break up was the catalyst I needed to make some big decisions in my life, one of which was to thrive on self-love.
Self-love is self-awareness. I used to run away from unpleasant feelings. I was too coward to deal with it and did every coping mechanism there is but the more I ran away from it, the more it haunted me. When I started to acknowledge it, as painful or scary as it may seem, the more I had control over it. The more familiarity I had with that feeling/s, the more comfortable I was with it. “Oh, hey fear of the uncertainties! You’re there again, it’s nice to see you. Hi. Bye. See you later!” I literally talk to my feelings now to acknowledge them and surprisingly, it feels less threatening.
Self-love is putting yourself first. Every single day, I always do some self-check on what I feel – Am I okay? If not, why? What can I do about it? If there’s nothing I can do about it then how could I change my perspective on it? What am I grateful for today? What am I looking forward to? I always make sure that before I attend to other people, I am centered within myself. Even if things in my life right now doesn’t make sense, I reassure myself that I will always have my back and that I have faith and trust in myself that everything will eventually fall in the right place.
Also, I have this constant reminder that the validation I need in my life should only come from one person – myself.
It took me a long time to embrace the fact that I have my own timeline, I know what works for me, I still have so much discovering to do and it’s not about the destination, it’s about the beautiful journey.
Self-love is self-compassion. I am just a human being, I make mistakes all the time, I make the wrong decisions all the time and life is already hard itself so why would I punish myself for being human?
I guess that’s the beauty of it, we learn from our mistakes and failures which lead us to our growth. There’s no room for being harsh with myself because I know that I’ve been doing my best in this chaotic life we all have. In fact, I should give myself a huge pat on the back, and a sweet tight hug, for surviving this roller coaster ride called life.
I think I should buy a ring and propose to myself. 🙂January 13, 2018 at 9:50 pm #678753
April, thank you for making for a positive contribution to this site and the women who come here in pain looking for some relief and answers, not to be ridiculed.January 14, 2018 at 1:13 am #678777
April I love your blog! It’s just what I needed to read today.January 14, 2018 at 5:44 am #678794
Bravo. This is beautiful and very uplifting. Thank you for having the courage to be vulnerable.
Seems to me like you’re doing just great April. I’d say, keep it up.
Oh btw, you look gorgeous in your picture!January 14, 2018 at 9:03 am #678818
Jeanne – Thank you so much! 🙂 I come to this forum regularly to read on new or updated posts and although some people give the best honest peices of advice, sadly there are still others who just judge and shame others. My heart’s really happy you see this as a positive contribution, I honestly have no time for people who always see the negative on almost everything. Thanks again!!!
Hannah – thank you! 🙂 It’s easy to say to ‘love yourself’ but when you actually start to put some actions to it then that’ll be the difficult part as you really have to commit to it. I honestly still have some struggles so writing about it feels therapeutic, also listening to podcasts, watching videos or reading articles keeps me moving forward. And reading those lovely words from you makes my heart melt. 🙂
MB – Hi MB, thank you! I love what you said about being courageous enough to be vulnerable. If you’re familiar with Brene Brown, she said exactly the same on her TED talk and book – being vulnerable requires courage, and in some ways it is also considered as a strength. Aaaaand thank you again! 🙂