A friends wedding

Just be honest with her. Tell her you would love to attend her wedding; however at this point in time it would be too expensive for you to go. Each of her friends will need to decide that for themselves, when the the date, place, etc. is establishes so don’t get embroiled in any friend drama, stay low key, state your reasons for not going, and wish them a great time for those who are able to.

I find her expectations everybody should just pay 1000 diollars (and i think your estimate is on the low side here) to attend her wedding ridiculous. And i even doubt it will happen. But Yeah how hard is it to say you cant afford it. Maybe she will realize she is being outragious about this. I think her insensitivity towards other people is also telling. I doubt if i would want to be friends with someone like that honestly.

I’ve been in this situation. All I said was: “I’m touched and grateful you want me to be part of your big day. I”m so sorry, my budget just can’t accommodate being in an overseas wedding right now. Are you going to have a local celebration, because I’d sure like to be part of that.” That brought the budding Bridezilla back down to earth when she got basically the same speech from all but one of the girls she asked to be attendants. They did do a very small destination wedding and threw a nice reception when they got back that we all went to. We were secretly glad we didn’t have to wear the ugly bridesmaid dress. And it was UGLY. She only had a maid of honor and one attendant at the wedding, down from a maid of honor and 7 attendants she had originally wanted.

If your friend can’t understand your position… she’s not a true friend and its’ time to let her go. Unless she wants to offer a travel subsidy, she’s going to be very disappointed at who can’t make it. That’s the reality of a destination wedding unless you have very rich friends.

Personally, it sounds like they are just throwing out ideas right now as she just got engaged and haven’t even planned a wedding or set a date yet. I’m sure you aren’t going to be the only one with this reaction and as his family begins to hear about this (as they will be expected to pay for the rehearsal dinner if they are sticking to US traditions) I’m sure there will be a lot of other people upset! Especially if he has older parents or grand parents who might have difficulty making a trip like that. Not to mention the additional time off every one would require for an international wedding with jet lag, etc. And she’s going to have to get her dress there, and coordinate getting her cake, flowers, reception, everything long distance while she’s in the states. It’s going to be logistical nightmare for her as the bride especially! I think once the reality of it all that sinks in the novelty of a European wedding wears off, they may have a change of hear as they actually start the planning. For now I would just sit back and wait for her to come to you with all the naysayers (mostly HIS family I would guess) who aren’t wanting to spend the time and money to go to a wedding in Europe. Be her friend and tell her you can understand their concerns because it does add the additional cost of airfare which can be quite expensive. Not to mention for those who don’t have a passport that’s an additional cost of $140 for a passport plus the 6-8 weeks it takes to get one or you pay an additional cost to get it expedited! Sit back and wait for the fallout to occur. You may not have to say anything. These plans may never even get off the ground!! 

I know I have to tell her, and I will. I’m glad I am not crazy and her asking this is way too much. Truly, I think its a lot to ask. If she had something here I’d be more than happy to attend and be in the wedding. I wouldn’t expect others to spend an outrageous amount of money on me like that.

Switching topic a bit. I actually don’t like my friends fiance either. That is not why I wouldn’t go to europe, its really just funding. I support her, but curious how others remain supportive of a friend when you hate their partner? My friend is a great catch. She used to have such high standards. This guy, she met online a year ago. They dated for a month. He then broke up with her citing he had depression and couldn’t be a good boyfriend. I told her to move on. He didn’t want to be with her and work through his issues. She clung to him like glue. Acted like she was still with him. I didn’t get it.

It was her choice. I felt like he was using her caring and loving personality just to have a side piece.

She hung on to him, not dating others for months and months. He would tell her things such as, “I went to a work holiday party today, and wished you were here”

Of course my friend would go all googly eyed for him. I would want to shake her. He could have taken her, but he didn’t invite her to begin with.

He then would tell her, well I didn’t invite you because I didn’t want to have to explain you weren’t my girlfriend.

My friend deserved better than that. And I told her that. She got mad, but it was the truth.

After 6 months, they officially got back together. I just didn’t like him.

Recently, she goes on vacation with her family alone. She comes back with a dramatic story. While she was away, a photo was posted on social media of him and her by someone he knows at an event. He never posts anything about her. They never post anything together so this was rare. My friend then gets a message online from a random girl. She claims she didn’t know he-my friends boyfriend had a girlfriend-my friend, and she felt she needed to reach out because she is his ex-girlfriend and he sometimes texts her. She also wanted to tell her that earlier this year he hooked up with her. The girl reached out to warn my friend, thinking he was with her and my friend at the same time. The ex told my friend that he has done this before. That when ex started dating him, his ex girlfriend before her reached out to her telling her he still appeared single to her and available still talking to her.

The ex also told my friend they often sent sex themed text messages earlier this year. This was during the break between him and my friend, but my friend was still actively seeing him unofficially.

My friend was so upset. She immediately reached out to her boyfriend asking him about this. He tries to reassure her that they weren’t together during that time.

Yeah they weren’t together, but my friend was sleeping with him, hanging out, and even going out to dinners together.

He tells my friend he did see his ex because he buys marijuana in bulk to sell to his friends and to sell to his ex girlfriend and they did hookup one night.

My friend is in denial big time, claiming that they weren’t together and he had every right to see other girls. I tell her I think she deserves more than someone that is sleeping around on her. Together or not. Sue never saw anyone else.

My friend then says her boyfriend gave her all his passwords on social media for her to check out to see if he is truthful.

I think this is dumb. If you have to exchange passwords and check on each other, then your relationship isn’t strong. My friend then goes on Facebook and finds a private message from a woman earlier this year when they weren’t officially together, telling him “i hope you treat my sister right”

To me, that sounds like he was seeing this woman’s sister pretty seriously. I mean her family members obviously met him, so thats pretty serious. My friend asks her boyfriend about it. He says he can’t even recall. Thats a load of bull.

My friend, again in denial thinks maybe he just had coffee with someone.

A coffee date lead the girls sister to reach out to him on facebook to say to treat her right? That’s insane.

And the marijuana thing. My friend doesn’t smoke. She doesn’t like it. And he doesn’t only buy it for himself. My friend says his friends usually want some so he buys for them too. And sells it. She refuses to admit he’s a weed dealer. I don’t have respect for that.

Her new favorite words: I don’t judge him.

So suddenly his behavior is okay.

I barely recognize my friend. She even made a comment to me one day how they’d like a house and she’d like him to have a man cave where he can smoke and it wouldn’t smell if her parents came over.

So her parents wouldn’t like it…shocker.

That’s nuts. I don’t like him and I am trying so hard not to let it show. How do you support a friend when you don’t support her boyfriend, now fiance?

Is marijuana legal in the state you live in? I’d go at if from the practical angle of – assuming it’s not legal where you are and even if it is that he’s dealing illegally – have you considered what could happen if he gets busted? She would probably get busted too. Legal expenses, possible criminal record… is this guy really worth it?? And how are you going to have children with someone smoking and dealing??!!

I’d tell her straight you’re very concerned for her for those reasons. And I’d start to distance myself, because I couldn’t be good friends with someone and watch this going on. She’d move to the outer circle of people I didn’t see very often. It sounds like she has pulled the wool firmly over her own eyes if she’s seriously going to marry this guy. It will probably end in divorce not very far down the line.

How old are she and this guy anyway??!!

You really need to focus on your own life and be more assertive. Tell your friends the truth from your perspective