30 days no contact……now what?


Home Forums Break Up Advice 30 days no contact……now what?

This topic contains 21 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Nat 4 months, 4 weeks ago.

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  • #620590 Reply

    Annie

    My ex and I broke up in February, for a few weeks we would still message most days-he ended it during an argument via text “let’s just call it a day,I don’t want to argue” he says he felt I made him feel he wasn’t enough ( I moaned as I wanted to get a house together,he wanted this too but I’m inpatient) I have my own place,he lives with his mother (36)
    Anyway, after chit chat I said we should meet yo discuss what we’re going after both agreeing we were do good together, he dodged the meet up suggestion so I messaged saying, stop messaging me she wasting my time,either we meet and speak face to face or he leaves me to move on. We did NC for 3 days before he messaged me saying he’d seen a pet like mine,a fe days later he sent me a funny picture and the this weekend sent me a message saying a meal we used to enjoy wasn’t the same alone. It’s 30 days today, I still love him but is his pitiful messages just friendly messaging or a feeler to see if I’m willing to talk
    Kinda thinking NC forever; kinda feeling like I am being harsh

    Sorry for the essay guys x

    #620595 Reply

    Crisula

    Annie,

    He sounds pretty childlike..

    What’s up with living with mom at 36…is this just temporary? Would moving in to this house be the first time he has ever moved from Moms? I mean, is he scared?

    Is he not working?

    Yeah…I think he is missing you…but there is more to the story

    #620599 Reply

    Annie

    Mmmm I know right, he’s moved out previously and lived at my house when we were together but wanted a place that was ours closer to his mothers which was understandable, he works but is quite childish in terms of not wanting to meet up, he’s an only child and has what i believe to be Peter Pan syndrome!!
    Thanks for the reply, I’m 34, have a great group of friends and career,really thought I’d met somebody to be with forever!!!

    #620602 Reply

    Algo

    How long have you two been together?

    #620603 Reply

    L

    You love a man who can’t live on his own and insists if you want to live with him, it has to be close to mother? Is he related to Norman bates?

    #620674 Reply

    Annie

    Been together two years

    Ha,L I see your point,I wish I didn’t feel how I do believe me!!!

    #620676 Reply

    Annie

    I should also say,despite not contacting and ignoring him for 31 days now,I am constantly checking his social media as I live in fear he will move on,I need to stop this, he does like girls pictures and it’s like a knife through the heart…such a rubbish situation to be in.

    #620678 Reply

    Heather

    You should have blocked him from social media and from your phone so you wouldnt receive messages and have given yourself a chance to move on. You are torturing yourself for no reason.

    #620684 Reply

    Annie

    I know what I’m doing is torturing,I can’t stop it,with each message I desperately want to reply and talk to him but I know he hides away when things get tough so wouldn’t meet with me or try and reconcile

    Has anyone else been in this situtaion? Is NC the best way and hope eventually he stops sending breadcrumbs/ I’ll heal and believe I will find somebody else!

    #620687 Reply

    Ashley

    This is not a guy you should be pining over. He has issues. You’ll look back & be disgusted you spent so much time thinking about this loser. You will have to block him on everything to move on & heal. You don’t have the discipline here to stop, so you have to force yourself to. It doesn’t have to be hard if you want to stop feeling like crap.

    #620710 Reply

    Crisula

    Annie,

    if you want to respond…just respond. You have fulfilled the 30 days NC, so just answer by being short and sweet..then see how it goes.

    Truthfully, I really don’t think that losing him to somebody else, will be a problem anytime soon.

    He’s a mama’s boy, who lives in her home at the age of 36. Not exactly a guy who women would flock to..

    So if that’s who you want…again..respond to him and just go with the flow.

    #620871 Reply

    Annie

    Thanks guys,he’s a very good looking man so will always find somebody,he’s messaging more and more,I’ve still not replied he’s now said “please speak” but I’ve still not responded

    #620873 Reply

    Joe

    Stop acting like a pouting child and reply to one of his messages. Ask to meet up for a chat and if he makes any excuses, tell him not to contact you again.

    #620889 Reply

    SthrnBelle

    But she already told him to meet up or not contact her anymore. Ok so yes this guy is a loser big time at 36 acting like this and being a momma´s boy. Since he is an oly child and a momma´s boy my guess is that he is used to getting away with everything and always getting what he wants. Now he wants that you talk to him without having to get into anything serious, just have his way which is have his cake and eat it too; being that he lives with mommy and has a girlfriend, you, who accepts this scenario. Now you have to think why on Earth would you want a man who is at this level? NC for good is the right decision for sure and no bad feeling for not responding. Block him, that would be the easiest, you can unblock if you ever decide that you are over it and surely he knows where you live if he means something serious. He is only throwing breadcrumbs at you, I see in none of his messages that he is offering a solution or wanting to meet up for a serious talk. As to social media, you need to block him there for sure. That he is good looking, ok, for a short time, long-term no serious woman will accept this, only a 20 year old college student not looking for serious commitment. Who knows if this will be NC forever but for now and for a while unless something drastically changes that is the answer and you should move on as well. You deserve something a little more than this don´t you think? You have friends and a career and are independent, my guess if that you want a man and not a child and you are most definitely not getting that here. At your age I understand you but the more time you waste on this loser, the worse it will be for you, love does not go away right away but one day you will wake up realizing what a fool you were to stay in this this long.

    #620937 Reply

    Annie

    Thanks for this,I know you’re absolutely right,today he has asked how I am…..but as you rightly say he’s not asked to meet,discuss anything so it’s just Nonsense!! I’m scared I’ll never meet anyone at my age…..I am probably being totally dramatic but it’s how I feel and you guys are so helpful

    #620956 Reply

    Amanda

    Needing to live by his mom at 36 is WEIRD. Run away from this guy.

    #620966 Reply

    Raven

    So you’re willing to settle for a boy who can’t be more than 5 minutes from his mother because you’re afraid of being alone …?

    #620968 Reply

    Prairiegirl

    You have a great career and great group of friends. (Great),

    You think he has Peter Pan Syndrome. (Red flag for sure).

    You are afraid of losing him as you think at your age you won’t meet someone else. (Not true).

    Mama will probably outlive you if you stay with this manchild.

    #621001 Reply

    pooja

    HHas he ever given any warning of not to do certain thing which annoys him or hurts him.
    He is giving you time and space to change certain habits which annoys
    him and hurts him and also giving self a time to heal himself.
    He will come again to see if those habits are gone or not. . If he loves you he will give you more and more chances (even though he is bearing the pain of hurt again)and will come back again and again . Once his capacity to bear that pain is ended then thing relationship is killed for sure.
    Put some efforts to chnge yourself for betterment and for healthy relationship.
    Gudluck

    #621004 Reply

    Joe

    How long were you together? You said you were impatient and you wanted to get a house together. Sounds like you nagged him too much. Why get another place is you have your own ; did you ever invite him to move in with you? Maybe it was too soon for YOU to bring up the living together conversation as it sounds like it was your idea not his even though he agreed.

    #621083 Reply

    Annie

    Together two years,he was eager to get a place together too and I know I nagged cause he had no urgency! As an update,I responded to his message just saying I’m fine,I hope you’re well too,he asked about my pet and work to which I again said all is well,I hope you’re good….I will not be responding again unless he wants to meet up,I’m done with the childish behaviour,I just need to figure out how to get over him now!!

    #621158 Reply

    Nat

    If you kept checking his social media you were NOT in no contact. Not contact means NOTHING.

    He is ok to contact you with childish messages, but not asking to meet or talk seriously. Unless he asks you to meet to talk about getting back together do not give in. Confront him about why he is contacting you and ask what he wants. Ask if he wants to talk then about what? if it is not about getting back together in a serious way then say oyu are not interested.

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