This topic contains 11 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Amanda 5 days, 7 hours ago.
January 5, 2018 at 9:41 am #677030
Sorry this is long, but my boyfriend and I were together 2.5 years. 95% of that has been LDR due to being military and stationed about a 9 hr drive from each other. Last year he said he felt there wasn’t a future for us and broke it off before leaving my apartment, I wanted to take a stance and flew into the city he lived and when I told him I was coming he was thrilled – only 1 or 2 days after he broke it off. Just two days ago, almost a year after the last ‘breakup’ he helped move me into a nice place, researched prices on appliances that he then hooked up and helped organize everything. Finally, he gave me a massive spice rack as a housewarming gift and transferred all our pictures from a trip we had taken months ago to my computer which I asked for months ago. He was acting a bit off that day but was sweet and caring as usual. Less than 24 hrs later he is getting ready to leave and says, “I’m not coming back” “I prayed and prayed and feel God doesn’t want us together” etc while trying to comfort me and sobbing he loves me the whole time. I didn’t yell just ran from him. I’m so lost and surprised – we hadn’t had any big fights and had just come back from visiting my family for the holidays. Part of me feels he’s right and we might need time apart, but another fears he’s gone forever. I just don’t understand why you would invest all that time, effort and give someone so much the day before breaking up. I want to know if anyone has insight or experienced this before? I know he intends to deploy in 2 months and I haven’t heard from him since he left. I call tell he looked me up on instagram cause I unfollowed him right away to protect myself and snooping later I saw he had done the same to me.January 5, 2018 at 5:02 pm #677094
I don’t understand your timeline. You were together, then broke up a year ago, then got back together? When did you get back together. Re-read what you wrote it is very confusing.January 5, 2018 at 5:19 pm #677100
Bee,this is simple. He saw no future and broke up. Then,you flew to him and begged. So,he took what you were offering-“free” sex and you olunteering to be hanging around waiting for him to “change his mind” about a real future.
He did you a favour he,as he has not been all in,for a long time. You have a new place and a chance at a new love life-hopefully with a better guy. Sorry,this happened but think of it as a chance for better. Look for a guy that lives nearby so you can have a more practical/bonding relationship.January 5, 2018 at 5:55 pm #677105
Excuse me for the confusion – I meant the initial breakup was about two days and then I flew out, thought we had reconciled. Then almost a year later this happened, also after we had spent a month with my family for Christmas.January 5, 2018 at 6:03 pm #677107
You are too young to realize it. When a man breaks up, you don’t take a stand and fly to him. You went into convincing mode, this only works temporarily. The guy gives in for a few but then reverts back to how he originallly feels. That’s what happend. As a woman you should never have to convince a man or fight for a man to be with you, that is their job. You watch too many rom com movies like most in the recent generation and think you can win a man back. Doesn’t usually work that way. As you can see. Time for you to move on .January 5, 2018 at 6:38 pm #677109
Okay this is a hard lesson to learn in your circumstances but a man needs to chase the woman. You chased after him. Things almost never work out that way. He was too embarrassed to turn you down when you flew out to him and he thought companionship and sex for a while more would be fun. But he never changed his mind. When you meet the right man you will understand: he will run after you, NOT you after him.January 5, 2018 at 11:52 pm #677141
He did nice things to you before you broke up and you surprised? Why? What did you think he should have done? Not care about you as a person? not help?
He seems like a nice guy, he told you the truth and later he cave in to your begging and continued but only for so long. Maybe staying with your family reinforced his feelings of not belonging with you. Understand we can have feelings for someone, even love someone, but know fully well that we do not belong together. He does not feel like you are “the one” for him. Respect that, stop pushing yourself onto him, and move on.January 6, 2018 at 10:14 am #677203
If fighting for the woman and the relationship is the man’s job then what is the woman’s job in the relationship?January 6, 2018 at 10:17 am #677205
Her job is to be something worth fighting for…January 14, 2018 at 7:05 am #678799
Hi im dating a guy going thru a seperation 3 kids 14.11.and 9 all girls..one lives with him..7mths nearly hes 47yrs and me also..ive no kids never been married..why good question..bad luck in relationships. Im looking to settle down..sick of been alone.i will admit…but he introduced me to his family/kids. All fine..hes seeing the kids every w.end..and he lied ..as he said judge ordered it..after i quizzed him he admitted he wanted more time with his kids.we were getting on fine..but he said hes stressed over wife etc .but i mentioned our sex life is non existence . Ive my house once a wk if im lucky..tis freaked him out..he left and txt me he wants to be alone..our relationship is too stressful..turned his mobile off..and i txt asking him to talk .denied in a txt he turned his phone off..last i got off him..a wk no contact..i care for him. He told me he loved me..he has issues with stuff..bad to commucate feelings..man thing..he owns a business ..and has staff..keeps from the start trying to make me jealous about the women..that they r great and admire him tis has caused tension..he didnt buy me much for xmas spent a lot on his kids.which hurt..our 1st xmas together..i feel i competing with his kids.i care for him hes gone r taking a break. I have been brave and not answered..its torture..January 14, 2018 at 7:15 am #678800
Hi me again ..jacqui…i meant to say..ive been brave i didnt ring r txt.a whole wk. Its been hell…his jids r with us every w.end..as he arranged tis set up and im been trying to deal with it…to be with him. I now realise i should of not seen him some w.ends for my self…time out .and to let him see i had my own life…too late..he said he wanted to be alone..our relationship too stressful he said..any advice id really appreciate..please email me..2nd email i sent .i just want to get on with my life..i care fot him..he told me he loves me…..i feel its my fault.as i moaned a lot about no time much with each other no intimacy. 7mths should be full of passion..but i know hes stressed seperation..hes going thru..but i really confused and feel rejected the txt was cold and cruel..please help..thank u..regards JacquiJanuary 14, 2018 at 8:54 am #678813
Jaqui please start your own thread. Go to forums at the top of the page.